What I am doing vs What I should be doing

Reflecting on an earlier thread I posted, I wanted to share some thoughts I've had the past few days. I've caught myself comparing/judging myself with someone else, a neighbor. Normally this would start a negative train of thoughts about what I am not doing. I am not working, I am not keeping my house clean enough, I am not dieting and exercising to get my weight down, I am not getting out and living a normal life, etc., etc... but, in catching myself, I told myself to not compare, but rather think about what I am doing.
1. I am not working, but I am managing the money my husband earns, I pay the monthly bills, and I budget what we need for food, etc.
I may not get up each day to go to work, but I'm up at 5:30 to get my husband off to his job.
2. My house is not spotless, far from it, but dishes are washed after every meal, laundry done and put away every Sunday, and toilets are scrubbed weekly. Anything else is done on days with more motivation, focus and energy.
3. I don't diet and exercise like I should and I am overweight, significantly so. I know this affects my energy and strength levels. I will have to address this, but in small, incremental steps. For now, I will focus on the daily walk I am taking with my dog, that I am finally getting good sleep, and I am taking my meds and going to my appt.s.
Finally, I am living MY life in the ways that I am able to right now. I am not going to qualify it, judge it, or compare it to anyone else's. I wake up each new day, and I choose to live my life as it is, rather than ending it because it doesn't meet self-imposed standards. Even if I truly am "failing" on every front, I know that my husband and children would rather have me as I am, than not. Who knows how things will be 6 mo., a year from now. I only have to live it a day at a time.

Thank you for posting this. How we define "success" is definitely unique to each individual. Comparing ourselves to others generally does us no good.

Years ago (before being severely affected by mental illness) I would have looked at my current situation and seen it as a failure. Today, however, I see it as a success because of my struggles. I may not be working full-time, but I do what I am able to and that's what matters.

You are right about how we should define success. Our ability to function and cope changes with the cycle of our illness, the length and severity of episodes, age, circumstances, physical health, etc.
I had a breakdown in 2014, quit teaching, lost my health insurance, and had no medication all of 2015. After almost 2 years of depression, then rapid cycling and horrible mixed episodes, I felt like my brain was broken. Recovery has been a process. There has been progress and there have been setbacks. DBT classes and Mindfullness training has been helpful.

I like your positive view here. Instead of obsessing all that we are not doing or that we think we are doing "wrong", focus on what we are doing right. Tha is a much better attitude and poInt of view to to have on life.

I can get stuck in the trap of comparing myself to other people. And I never come out on top when I do that. I forget that what people show us is not always the whole story, and that those perfect people I envy are really not always as great as they appear.
I even find myself comparing myself while depressed to myself while well and berating myself for not meeting some arbitrary self imposed standards that I am measuring myself against.

As a support group facilitator once said- don't "SHOULD" on yourself.
So long as we are still here and trying, that's what most matters.
Take care.

Really nice thread.

Thank you for this thread. I tend to compare myself to a family member who does not have mental illness and see everything she is accomplishing that I am not. This is really helpful.