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#1
May 05, 2017, 08:00 PM
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“It's surprising how drunk it makes you feel
To go around this way in this silly circus, A void in your tummy and an ache in your head, Queasy in the thick of it and happy in the crowd.” –Paul Verlaine This part of Verlaine’s poem came to mind as I sat in the drive thru today and the epiphany (I guess you can call it that) rose above the surface of my churning mind like a delicate, iridescent soap bubble. (Musings at a Sonic Drive-thru).  After about two or three days of being at the bottom of the well, I seem to be rising like some billowing cloud to a wondrously blue sky.I know everyone knows this, but depression and mania are very traumatic (putting it mildly) for the wallet. With depression, I want (no, I need) something to bring relief, to dissolve the taut and painful knot threatening to undo my soul. So I start to buy things that I think will bring some joy or happiness and slice through the emotional Gordian knot. With mania, everything is whimsy. I have the funds, and I feel so good, so I spread the love. There are so many things I want to buy, either for myself or someone else, and the fact that the money is limited or there will be ramifications for my actions become inconsequential. When my brother was younger and before we knew what was happening to me, he happily jumped on the train because it was a windfall for him, especially with the mania. I’ve rewound the mental DVR for the past few weeks and I see that the pendulum has made some hard swings back and forth. Each direction has its cost. I guess it may be good that I don’t care for casinos? |
 Anonymous59125, jacky8807, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
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 hahayeahtotallylol, jacky8807, Standup2me
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#2
May 05, 2017, 08:05 PM
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Are we afraid of mania or do we embrace it?
Do we control it or does it control us? Each fear and each desire for control does have a cost. But what is that cost?
__________________
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding? Elvis Costello |
| Anonymous59125
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#3
May 05, 2017, 10:35 PM
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Sifting sand in no-man's land,
the tired body weeps. Wake up to realize where he is, the strength of one who keeps. |
| Anonymous59125, jacky8807
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| jacky8807
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#4
May 06, 2017, 02:36 AM
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bipolar sucks
this poem written by jacky8807 sums it up
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| Anonymous59125
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#5
May 06, 2017, 02:37 AM
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in all seriousness are you ok ? do you have things under control? hope you are ok.
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| Anonymous59125
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#6
May 06, 2017, 02:48 AM
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Quote:
 To the OP, you write beautifully and I very much relate. I used to embrace mania but not so much anymore. When I know I'm in a depressed or elevated mood, I fight against the urges they bring. I don't always win the fight but I get a few punches in here and there. (((Hugs to us all))) |
| jacky8807
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| jacky8807
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#7
May 06, 2017, 03:16 AM
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Quote:
Stay well! |
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#8
May 06, 2017, 03:40 AM
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I'm glad you brought that up about spending when you're depressed. It is unbelievable the amount of totally unnecessary stuff I buy when I'm severely depressed. Working on changing that.
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#9
May 07, 2017, 08:27 PM
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Trees and sunshine
Feed me, nourish me They touch my soul Make me feel whole Thank you Earth Mother for holding me in your arms
__________________
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding? Elvis Costello |
| Wild Coyote
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| jacky8807, Wild Coyote
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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