[Victoria'smom]

So soon my husband goes away for 10 days. Anyone that knows me knows I don't do well with separation. I use to hide in the closet until he came home from work because I swore someone was in our house. This type of stuff happened daily until we got a dog.

Currently I'm flirting with psychosis. SH thoughts, not showering unless he's in the room, everyone hates me/is talking about me, my head is loud, Street cams are taping me, the feeling of bugs crawling on me and the feeling someone's behind me.

So here's the problem. I will be my son's sole care taker for that time. I can't stay with relatives I have to stay home. How do I prepare? all the sharp objects will stay "up". I'm only keeping enough meds for the 10 days but what else can I do?

[Wander]

That is a tough position to be in. Could you ask family/friends you like to visit you and have it set up that you have a visitor each day? Crank up all your coping skills now so they are a habit by the time he leaves (if you are not doing this already). How is your medication going? Does your pdoc know this will be happening? They might have good suggestions too.

Sorry, that is all I can think of except using a lot of distraction to keep your mind on other, positive things. Do you have any hobbies?

Take care. We will all be here to support you too.

[19J82]

Keep checking in on here for a start. There's always someone here to listen, offer advice or help you decide on a course of action.
You have the dog there so that's good. You say you can't stay with relatives, can any of them come stay with you?

[Victoria'smom]

Could you ask family/friends you like to visit you and have it set up that you have a visitor each day? I can ask my sister to visit but she has four kids and can't do it daily.

Crank up all your coping skills now so they are a habit by the time he leaves (if you are not doing this already) I'm thinking of writing a list of coping skills and having them on hand. I'll work on that.

How is your medication going? My meds are messed up right now because of insurance.

Does your pdoc know this will be happening? No I see a temp pdoc tomorrow.

Do you have any hobbies? Just PC and coloring.

can any of them come stay with you? None that I know of.

My heart breaks for you. My husband is leaving for a week later this year and the thought is killing me. He needs to stay with his mom who is mentally ill also and it cannot be avoided, nor would I ever feel comfortable asking him not to go. It's killing me though, so my heart really goes out to you. I've hid in the closet when very scared too so I really relate to the challenge you're up against. Keep your dog close and try to plan some fun things for you and your son to do together. A new game to play, some DVD's to watch....anything you can enjoy together. That is my plan. If you cook you can plan your meals in advance and cooking 3 fun meals per day will take up some time, plus be fun to eat together. Good luck and write us here is it gets to be too much....we might be able to support you through it. Oh, and if you have friends or family you can call, that can be helpful too....a nice chat daily with people you trust can be grounding.

[Sunflower123]

Excellent advice on here....I like your idea of writing out a plan and coping skills. I also like you posting on here daily for support. Are you going to be ok to be just you and your child for 10 days? Are you going to tell your temp pdoc your symptoms? I can see why you wouldn't want to. Could you give your therapist and pdoc a heads up that your husband is leaving for 10 days and you might need extra or even emergency support? Good luck and best wishes.

[Victoria'smom]

Are you going to be ok to be just you and your child for 10 days? IDK, I've never been alone with him more than a night. He's almost 15 though. So he's not really reliant on me.

Are you going to tell your temp pdoc your symptoms? Some of them not all of it. The tamer stuff and I'm going to be very general. "I'm paranoid, think everyone hates me, want to SH, and my head's loud. I've been on the abilify for 6 days and would like to switch to zyprexa dissolvables."

Could you give your therapist and pdoc a heads up that your husband is leaving for 10 days and you might need extra or even emergency support? I only see my temp pdoc before he leaves. I think I'll see my T one time too. I'll tell her but I wont be able to see them while my husband is gone because of no transportation. Now they might want me IOP while he's gone that has transportation. I really don't want to go down the route of IOP.

You need to be square with the doctor about EVERYTHING right now, not just the tamer stuff. You cannot afford to go into full-blown destabilized psychosis when you are the sole caretaker for your son. That is your responsibility as his parent. If the doctor doesn't know exactly what is going on with you, he cannot fully assess your condition or make the most accurate adjustments to your meds. You need to do whatever needs to be done for the best outcome, safety, and well-being of your son during this time. If that means IOP, then that is what needs to happen.

[Victoria'smom]

I told him "I still think everyone hates me and my self harm thoughts aren't going away" He asked me how so and I told him a tame thought. We talked about different AP and I said what I wanted, he mentioned Clozapine but I said no. He told me zyprexa is second best that he's fine with me trying it but it'll have to be a trial for months before he switches me. I did not tell him my husband is going away. He raised my lamictal and wants to see me in a month. I see T next week and we'll come up with a plan. Honestly I was so nervous I barely said a word.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm scared, what if I get worse. What if I'm already doing bad and don't realize it? How do I not pretend?

[Victoria'smom]

Made my scheduled:
6 am- up breakfast
7- Miguel off to school /swim
8:30 - Snack/shower/ dress
10- House work
11 - computer time
12:30 - lunch
1- paint or color
2-6 ???? Ideas
6- cook dinner
8- check Miguel's work/hang out with Miguel
9:30- snack
10- bed