[Wild Coyote]

There is frequent mention of "mixed episodes."
Is everyone's "mixed episode" alike or do they vary?
How much do they vary?
What is meant when someone refers to a "mixed episode?

What are your "mixed episodes" like?


WC

[Moose72]

I want to scream at everybody but have pent-up energy.

[franz kafka]

I don't get mixed often, which sounds like it's unusual for bipolar. I've had maybe one or two mixed episodes in the past few years. I experience it like super rapid cycling and extreme irritability/aggressiveness (especially while driving).

I'm coming out of one and I wish I could tell you all about it but I'm not suppose to reveal certain important aspects of this experience so letting people know what it's like would be impossible. To put it simply, I'm depressed and anxious with lots of energy and messages being given to me which make me both happy and sad. It's much bigger than that though. I'd bet it's very different to each of us....very personal. Mine is a very personal experience.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

When i get mixed, i have a lot of energy and ideas, but my thoughts are very dark in nature. While mixed, i get bad SI and usually HI too.

[Wild Coyote]

I've thought is was high energy with agitation and dark thoughts.
Yet, I'm not sure I know now. Thus, started the thread.

Thanks for any/all input.

WC

My pdoc described my mixed states as an agitated depression. In a mixed state I'm at my most dangerous. I'm suicidal, and because I'm so agitated, I'm also very impulsive and have the energy to carry out plans.

[xRavenx]

My mixed states are definitely some of the worst and scariest parts of my life. My agitation is unbearable. Anxiety turns into actual paranoia. My thoughts race and the need to act on every thought that enters my mind becomes so strong. There's no talking me down or reassuring me that everything will be okay....it literally feels like the end of the world and everything is caving in. My moods are dark, I'm pacing, there's so much "chatter" in my head, where I can't get any sleep. I can relate a lot to others' experiences here with Mixed Episodes.

[PenguinExMachina]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

My pdoc described my mixed states as an agitated depression. In a mixed state I'm at my most dangerous. I'm suicidal, and because I'm so agitated, I'm also very impulsive and have the energy to carry out plans.

My pdoc has used the same description for me. I've also heard 'excited depression'. My last mixed episode landed me in IP.
I'm agitated, I'm impulsive, I have energy, but I'm also suicidal and anxious. I have negative thoughts/ideas, but they come at me with this rush. Like racing thoughts that I can't stop, only they are everything depressive I could ever think. And I can't sleep because of them because it is so loud that I feel like I want to just cover my ears and scream. I often describe it as chaos in my head.
It's hell.

[Tucson]

For me agitation and angry outbursts.

[BipolaRNurse]

Hell. Pure, unmitigated hell.

[scatterbrained04]

Usually for me it is depression but with energy, racing thoughts, impulsivity, and insomnia. I'm suicidal and my racing thoughts are all very dark.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

Hell. Pure, unmitigated hell.

yep. that about sums it up for me!

[Wild Coyote]

Yes, I've had "mixed episodes" before. They were called "agitated depression"by my pdoc.

Thanks to everyone participating.
You are all very special people.
Additional replies welcomed.


WC

[Sunflower123]

For me it's intense aggravation and irritability to the point that I want to claw my skin off. I also have so much restlessness that I can't sit still. It's truly excruciating.

[Guiness187055]

Not fun...psychotic depression, agitation, running around like a nut loving life, right back to agitation and psychotic depression. Sometimes multiple times in a day and could last for weeks.

[99fairies]

my last mixed episode was a couple years ago. I could not stop crying and was having very serious SI so my husband took me to emerg. The stupid gp gave me topomax and sent me home. That night( TRIGGER WARNING) I split my leg open with a razor blade. I was rushed by ambulance to the mental hospital where I stayed for 6 weeks. But I was stable when I left so there is that at least.

[CherryGlazer]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

My mixed states are definitely some of the worst and scariest parts of my life. My agitation is unbearable. Anxiety turns into actual paranoia. My thoughts race and the need to act on every thought that enters my mind becomes so strong. There's no talking me down or reassuring me that everything will be okay....it literally feels like the end of the world and everything is caving in. My moods are dark, I'm pacing, there's so much "chatter" in my head, where I can't get any sleep. I can relate a lot to others' experiences here with Mixed Episodes.

this! couldn't have described it better

[LadyShadow]

High Low, High Low, A damn rollercoaster.

[Wild Coyote]

Many thanks again to all contributors to this thread!

Mixed episodes seem to vary greatly; however, there are some common emotions/experiences/challenges.

To Our Health!


WC

Good descriptions here. There was one thing I've had that I didn't see mentioned (sorry if I missed it) though and that is that along with tons of SI, -- thinking *about* it -- I "see" myself in the place I think of it happening, dead. Over and over. It sucks.

In my worst mixed episode (2012), the vision kept coming to me in black and white. That was weird.

Other than that particular aspect, I'd say it's like an electric current of super dark energy. SO much energy, SO dark and negative. Everything, all at once, going on and on and on. Like BipolaRNurse so succinctly said, "Hell. Pure unmitigated hell."

[jacky8807]

so true innerzone. and it's excruciatingly painful like torture as well
like my insides are being ripped in half along with everything else going on

[~Christina]

Pure hell on earth, Just hell hell hell

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

There is frequent mention of "mixed episodes."

Is everyone's "mixed episode" alike or do they vary?

How much do they vary?

What is meant when someone refers to a "mixed episode?


What are your "mixed episodes" like?




WC

I'm a rapid cycler and would get mixed very often. Even when manic I don't get euphoria and high sex drive. When mixed or manic I get down right ugly. Saying the worst things to people. Causing a scene. Tantrums. It's called dysphoria and it ****ing sucks.

[Wild Coyote]

Thanks to everyone participating in this thread.
It has helped me to understand more clearly.
While I experience these types of episodes, I wasn't sure I'd understood what others meant when referring to mixed episodes.

I hope this thread has also helped others to more fully understand.

With Gratitude,


WC