[xRavenx]

Does anyone here struggle with fear of your meds being all switched around, based on what you are going through? It's as if you are holding onto the fact that your current meds might be working more, compared to being off of them, but you're still in an episode.

Seroquel has been helping me with sleep and probably keeping me out of the hospital and same with Lamictal, but I'm in a worse place than before emotionally. I'm hoping I will naturally improve and that depression will lift, but it might get worse. I'm also very anxious. Yesterday, I had these crazy crying spells, sobbing out of nowhere, which isn't normal for me. Today, I became teary and think too much about negative things automatically. I'm not psychotic (yet), but I've been known to hide delusional thoughts in the past out of being suspicious of others.

My pdoc used to do those scales you fill out, and it's easier to be honest on the forms than when talking to her. I can't afford therapy anymore, it's time consuming anyway, and it's rare to find a therapist with expertise in Bipolar.

I like my pdoc. and it's not her personally that I'm nervous about. I've had medication changes before that led to terrible episodes, and dose increases don't always do much as far as my quality of life, other than making me a bit calmer and numb. Can anyone relate to this? I'm not sure what to do.

[Sunflower123]

Be honest with your pdoc and especially the last paragraph you posted here. It might not be as bad as you think. Sending big hugs.

[Guiness187055]

I try to be as honest as possible. If my pdoc does not know my symptoms he can't treat them. Then I have no shot at being stable.

[UpDownAround]

Completely open book, which includes speaking my mind about meds.

[bizi]

I am on the highest dose of lamictal. Don't want to increase the abilify or add some other AP. I already take seroquel at night 200mg.

I am in an episode now.
I don't want to change meds.
I am more sexual now....with myself

I am never this way!!!!!!!
So I know that I am having an episode.
I consider myself asexual sorry for my husband.

I have been sneaking doing it at night when he is asleep, I would be mortified if he found out.

Sorry maybe too much information?????
bizi

I have not even told my therapist.....none of my real life friends know only one friend from on line and now you guys.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am on the highest dose of lamictal. Don't want to increase the abilify or add some other AP. I already take seroquel at night 200mg.

I am in an episode now.
I don't want to change meds.
I am more sexual now....with myself

I am never this way!!!!!!!
So I know that I am having an episode.
I consider myself asexual sorry for my husband.

I have been sneaking doing it at night when he is asleep, I would be mortified if he found out.

Sorry maybe too much information?????
bizi

I have not even told my therapist.....none of my real life friends know only one friend from on line and now you guys.

I completely empathize with you and understand how it feels to keep many things inside, out of not only fear, but also embarrassment (not that you have anything to be embarrassed of)....(((Hugs))). I'm also on the highest dose of Lamictal. My Seroquel gets raised up then down, depending on what kind of episode I'm in, but I hate having to raise it, but it's the only thing that helps me with sleep.

So sorry you're experiencing an episode. I hope you feel better soon.

[scatterbrained04]

I think you should be as honest with pdoc as possible.

That said, I personally withhold more than I should out of embarrassment and fear. I don't like changing meds at all. So I don't say a lot to keep from having to change them. Which I shouldn't do, but there it is.

[emgreen]

I can relate to the crying episodes that come out of nowhere. I'm sorry you're experiencing them...I find them pretty embarrassing. I hope yours cease soon. Mine usually last only a week or two.

As for pdocs's, mine works with me to find solutions. Perhaps yours will, too. If he/she's making med changes you don't want to make, respectfully express your reservations. When I do so, my pdoc works with me to resolve issues, kind of teaming with me to find acceptable solutions. The pdoc I had before my current one prescribed a different med each time I became symptomatic. By the time I stopped seeing her, I was on 7-8 different meds (zombieland). The fault, however, was partially mine, as I didn't voice concerns, or advocate for myself.

The goal of my current pdoc is to have me on as few drugs as possible (currently three), making changes only when symptoms increase significantly - & more importantly, asking for my input. He'd never prescribe me something I refused to take...& I believe I now know myself well enough to take advice when absolutely necessary. No one can force you to take a course of treatment you don't want to take - you have a responsibility for your own treatment, too.

I hope I'm not giving you advice that will tick off your pdoc, but I feel much more secure, & less "zombiefied" since I started voicing opinions about my treatment. I've been in the space you described, & I generally wait until symptoms become radically different to contact my pdoc. I've found that sometimes depression, anxiety, & paranoia can pass. My experience with past pdoc's is once you're on a new med, you're on it for good (or at least for a good long time).

Good luck. I hope you feel some relief soon.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by emgreen

I can relate to the crying episodes that come out of nowhere. I'm sorry you're experiencing them...I find them pretty embarrassing. I hope yours cease soon. Mine usually last only a week or two.

As for pdocs's, mine works with me to find solutions. Perhaps yours will, too. If he/she's making med changes you don't want to make, respectfully express your reservations. When I do so, my pdoc works with me to resolve issues, kind of teaming with me to find acceptable solutions. The pdoc I had before my current one prescribed a different med each time I became symptomatic. By the time I stopped seeing her, I was on 7-8 different meds (zombieland). The fault, however, was partially mine, as I didn't voice concerns, or advocate for myself.

The goal of my current pdoc is to have me on as few drugs as possible (currently three), making changes only when symptoms increase significantly - & more importantly, asking for my input. He'd never prescribe me something I refused to take...& I believe I now know myself well enough to take advice when absolutely necessary. No one can force you to take a course of treatment you don't want to take - you have a responsibility for your own treatment, too.

I hope I'm not giving you advice that will tick off your pdoc, but I feel much more secure, & less "zombiefied" since I started voicing opinions about my treatment. I've been in the space you described, & I generally wait until symptoms become radically different to contact my pdoc. I've found that sometimes depression, anxiety, & paranoia can pass. My experience with past pdoc's is once you're on a new med, you're on it for good (or at least for a good long time).

Good luck. I hope you feel some relief soon.

Thank you. I'm sorry you're also having crying spells. I think that I do need to be clear with her about my concerns with having to be on too much medicine. Hopefully she'll listen. I'm open to her suggesting different meds....I just hope it could be a collaborative decision in the long run.

I'm guilty of not being completely honest with my pdoc at times. I hate the med changes. Last time I was honest I was put on Geodon and could barely function. It's hard.

[*Laurie*]

I'm honest with my pdoc. I don't fear med changes, as long as no one pulls me off a psych med suddenly, without giving withdrawal time. I expect med changes according to life circumstances and season.

[bizi]

I wish I could be honest...just afraid of my pdoc. She has a lot of control over me, it is a love hate relationship.
bizi
I guess I am co-dependant on her.....

I've learned the hard way that my doctors do not need to know everything. I know what they need to know and what I'm better off keeping to myself. My doctor isn't a bad doctor but he's not as informed as he believes himself to be and has made very poor decisions regarding my care in the past. I have zero intentions of spending the rest of my life on these drugs and he keeps acting like I have no option but. He's wrong and it's my body, not his. In a perfect world I could tell him everything and he'd respond appropriately but in our real world relationship he only hears and responds in a way which doesn't take my individual unique aspects into consideration so I withhold when appropriate.

[Ripose]

I too am afraid to tell my pdoc everything. I have a dreadful fear of being institutionalized, so I withhold any SI or attempts from him. At least I did when I was still seeing him. My fears have stopped me from seeing him altogether.
I only tell my GP I am basically depressed or have anxiety problems, no in depth or probing type of information.

[5150DirtDiva]

They can't help if they do not know what you need help with.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I've learned the hard way that my doctors do not need to know everything. I know what they need to know and what I'm better off keeping to myself. My doctor isn't a bad doctor but he's not as informed as he believes himself to be and has made very poor decisions regarding my care in the past. I have zero intentions of spending the rest of my life on these drugs and he keeps acting like I have no option but. He's wrong and it's my body, not his. In a perfect world I could tell him everything and he'd respond appropriately but in our real world relationship he only hears and responds in a way which doesn't take my individual unique aspects into consideration so I withhold when appropriate.

I can relate to having a pdoc like this in the past and understand your feelings.

Originally Posted by 5150DirtDiva

They can't help if they do not know what you need help with.

Yes. Times that are hardest for me is when I get paranoid/experience psychosis, and then I get completely guarded, but then again, that's the nature of the illness at times. Luckily, this pdoc I have now is easier to talk to than my last one, so I know I need to just build up that trust and verbalize to her any concerns that I have about medication changes, so that she can work with me, and not against me. Today, I started thinking deeper about medication changes, and I'd at least be open to considering options, since I haven't been doing great. I'm afraid of change a lot and just hope I am not hit with any big changes when it comes to meds. I guess I just need to take it one step at a time..