[BipolarGirl86]

I am currently in a pretty bad manic episode right now that follow a brief but severe depressive episode and I am looking for either some useful advice, someone to talk to or even just someone to relate to at this point. So here is what is going on:

I am not exactly sure how long I have been in this episode because I have been pretty out of it and am finally having some decent clarity/sanity periods. I am guessing/was told about 3-4 days now. I am not in the nice and euphoric, want to socialize manic state. I am in the isolating, agitated state. I have not left my house seen Monday, I've missed appts, I'm not eating and even lost 5lbs in a few days. I am not sleeping and if I am an hour or two and then I am wide awake again. I am hyper focused on one subject which is writing and everything to do with writing (I am an aspiring freelance writer). When I am in the episode I think I am being super productive but when I am clear headed I notice that I really have accomplished nothing because I keep redoing and researching the same things over and over. I am having periods of mild psychosis and paranoia and forgetting to even bother with my meds half the time, let alone do anything else.

I refuse to go to the hospital at this point, so that is not even an option. Since I am having periods of clarity now I know that the episode is slowly surpassing. I can't take this agitation. I am snapping at everyone and everything that comes in between me and my writing and I am trying not to damage my relationship with my boyfriend, who is already mad at me because he wants me to stop already and just be "normal". I will go to the hospital though if this goes on for more than 2-3 more days.

I don't know how to try to calm down. I used every coping/relaxation technique I know and/or could find during my brief periods of clarity which only agitated me because it was holding me back from what I really wanted to be doing at the moment (can you guess what that was?)

I don't have any sedatives. The closest thing is unisom which I try taking at night to sleep but does absolutely nothing. I don't drink or use drugs so that's not an option. I don't know what do anymore.

[Wild Coyote]

Welcome to PC.
I hope you will find info and support here.

I am sorry you are going through this.

You have written you forget to take your meds. What would happen if you took them on schedule?

Have you contacted your pdoc for help in tweaking meds?

Please stay safe.


WC

[5150DirtDiva]

I am currently with you right now. I am so glad I have an appointment today. She does not seem to take my agitation seriously. It is probably my worst symptom.

I hope you come out of it soon, I have no advice, just commiseration.

[BipolarGirl86]

I was supposed to have an appointment with a PA yesterday at my pdoc office but I couldn't force myself out of the house so I r/s for Friday, I have therapy today but I can't see myself leaving the house again today. I just feel so trapped by myself. And I know I am doing to myself, but I can't seem to 'talk myself into it'. It's like the manic agitation and paranoia is suffocating and strangling me. I don't know what my fear is.. or if it is even considered a fear. It's like I just can't leave. I wonder if my therapist would talk to me over the phone but I seriously am not trying to go inpatient and I kind of feel like that is what they would try to do. It is just trying to hold on for the ride until it's over. Anyone got any tips for severe agitation?

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Welcome to PC.
I hope you will find info and support here.

I am sorry you are going through this.

You have written you forget to take your meds. What would happen if you took them on schedule?

Have you contacted your pdoc for help in tweaking meds?

Please stay safe.


WC

[Sunflower123]

I would really encourage you to get in touch with your pdoc and therapist to get some relief. You have to be miserable. The only other things I know to do is to exercise to the point of exhaustion or to take some sleeping pills and try to sleep for more than an hour or two. I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time. I hope you feel better soon.

I can understand not getting out and not getting to appointments. That happens with me as well. Good luck and best wishes.

[5150DirtDiva]

Bringing this post back, hijacking it actually.

On Friday I finally broke down and called my nurse, I could no longer cope with the agitation. My face was so tight. I was hearing people talk and snicker about me. Crying and blowing up about the smallest tasks being irritating.

She gave me some Ativan, the only thing I noticed is that it made my face loosen up.

She said Ativan was a band aid to help me for now.

Bioche had once gave me a suggestion about (longer term?) medication for this, but I cannot find it. I wrote a email to my nurse to ask her how to help me for long term treatment.

My husband and daughter are suffering. I am swearing at my desk and being Little Miss Sunshine at work too. : /

I can't do this anymore.

Boy do I ever understand the irritability only for me it is a sign of worse things to come. If I can deal with this then I can usually head off the worse. Sometimes the worse seems not so bad though. What I mean is that I miss the highs that come with grandiosity and being spontaneous. Is this perhaps a reason you wish to avoid help you might receive at the hospital?

I am unsure why you wish to avoid this, except for perhaps you have previously had a terrible experience or have been turned off by the poor experience of others. In reality most don't have such bad times the wait in the ER generally being the worst. But this is your choice. I guess it comes down to how badly you think you need some help.

With this end in consideration though are there non-inpatient routes to take advantage of? Some communities have an in home program where they can send a counsellor to you. They can offer some therapeutic assistance and help you draw up a self-care plan. There may too be an EAP to take advantage of that can do the same via the phone. If you don't already perhaps find a support group to participate in. These are just a few things that come to mind.

[5150DirtDiva]

I have never been to the hospital. I am just feeling irritable/agitated, have been off and on for months. *I* am not avoiding anything. My nurse seems reluctant to prescribe anything. I am not sure where you are coming from with all this hospitalization avoidance. I feel like crap; not out of touch or dangerous. I want a medication that is not a benzo to address prolonged agitation.

I have lived my life in this state. My nick name is "Little Miss F-ing Sunshine"
It seems ridiculous to go to the hospital with a full time job and young child when I can reluctantly live this way. It is time a medical professional take this symptom seriously and stop with the ADs.

Also I have an appointment with some random doc that does not know me because my nurse has left her practice. Great timing.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Boy do I ever understand the irritability only for me it is a sign of worse things to come. If I can deal with this then I can usually head off the worse. Sometimes the worse seems not so bad though. What I mean is that I miss the highs that come with grandiosity and being spontaneous. Is this perhaps a reason you wish to avoid help you might receive at the hospital?

I am unsure why you wish to avoid this, except for perhaps you have previously had a terrible experience or have been turned off by the poor experience of others. In reality most don't have such bad times the wait in the ER generally being the worst. But this is your choice. I guess it comes down to how badly you think you need some help.

With this end in consideration though are there non-inpatient routes to take advantage of? Some communities have an in home program where they can send a counsellor to you. They can offer some therapeutic assistance and help you draw up a self-care plan. There may too be an EAP to take advantage of that can do the same via the phone. If you don't already perhaps find a support group to participate in. These are just a few things that come to mind.

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by 5150DirtDiva

Bioche had once gave me a suggestion about (longer term?) medication for this, but I cannot find it. I wrote a email to my nurse to ask her how to help me for long term

The medication I referred to was gabapentin. I take it for a neurological condition, but it has also helped my anxiety to the point where I hardly need my Klonopin anymore. Good luck with your nurse. Hopefully she has a solution for you.

By the way, just a PSA for everyone. Gabapentin has become a controlled substance in Kentucky, and I think it's on its way to being controlled everywhere. It certainly is in New York; it's already registered in their electronic prescribing system, I assume they're just waiting for a law to become effective. My guess is this will make it harder to get. Freaking kids who abuse it; I hate when they make something harder to get because of a few knuckleheads.

[5150DirtDiva]

Thank you bioChe, I will mention it tomorrow. Do you take it regularly or prn?

Originally Posted by bioChE

The medication I referred to was gabapentin. I take it for a neurological condition, but it has also helped my anxiety to the point where I hardly need my Klonopin anymore. Good luck with your nurse. Hopefully she has a solution for you.

By the way, just a PSA for everyone. Gabapentin has become a controlled substance in Kentucky, and I think it's on its way to being controlled everywhere. It certainly is in New York; it's already registered in their electronic prescribing system, I assume they're just waiting for a law to become effective. My guess is this will make it harder to get. Freaking kids who abuse it; I hate when they make something harder to get because of a few knuckleheads.

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by 5150DirtDiva

Thank you bioChe, I will mention it tomorrow. Do you take it regularly or prn?

I take it regularly, 600mg 3x/day. It isn't really effective PRN, it has to build up in your system.

[Wander]

Welcome to PC! I can totally relate to the writing obsessed manic state as I was there last October. It was exam and final assessment time for my Writing Degree and I went into orbit. I would spend hours and hours focused on writing an essay, thinking I was killing it, only to read over it the next day and find it was all over the place. So the process began again. The afternoon after my final exam I was admitted to hospital. I only became more agitated, delusional and psychotic. I was truly out of my mind, and so obsessive. It took a month to bring me back to reality. The hospitalisation was necessary for my safety due to mania and severe SI.

Somehow, you really need to put the brakes on this before it gets out of your control. Be willing to do whatever it takes; this is your life and reputation at stake here should it worsen. Do all you can to make it to your appointments as you really need some help right now. They can only force you into hospital if they think you are currently at risk of losing life or reputation. Most likely they will offer you the support you need right now. Please keep us updated.

Originally Posted by bioChE

I hate when they make something harder to get because of a few knuckleheads.

Guilty. I abused prescription gabapentin until it didn't do me any good.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by bioChE

The medication I referred to was gabapentin. I take it for a neurological condition, but it has also helped my anxiety to the point where I hardly need my Klonopin anymore. Good luck with your nurse. Hopefully she has a solution for you.

By the way, just a PSA for everyone. Gabapentin has become a controlled substance in Kentucky, and I think it's on its way to being controlled everywhere. It certainly is in New York; it's already registered in their electronic prescribing system, I assume they're just waiting for a law to become effective. My guess is this will make it harder to get. Freaking kids who abuse it; I hate when they make something harder to get because of a few knuckleheads.

Wow, I had no idea about this. It doesn't make me feel euphoric. It helps me with anxiety, but I don't get an intense calming feeling the way that Klonopin does, although I admit I don't use benzos as frequently now.....so maybe it's helping more than expected. I also hate when something gets so difficult to prescribe!! On my own I recently stopped taking 3 per day, I take 2 now. I can't feel much from it, but I don't know, maybe I'm in the minority?

[bioChE]

It really isn't something to get high from unless your system is totally naïve to it and you take a bunch. Then you can get a little woozy. But if you take it again, that doesn't happen the second time. You have to wait weeks for it to get out of your system until you can get a little buzz from it again.

I have heard that people are mixing it with other drugs to help multiply the effects, but who knows. Maybe someone is out there mixing it in their heroin and shooting it up. Whatever. Pisses me off, though. Mainly because in NY they make you run out of any controlled substance before you can get your next script. You can't get it a day, two days, three days, or whatever early. If you have a 30-day script, you can't fill the next one until day 31. If you take something in the AM (which I do), then you're screwed until the pharmacy opens and they can fill your script. Then you have to leave work, go get your AM meds, and go back to work and try to pick up where you left off. I'm going to have to start doing this with gaba also, and I'm torqued about it.