We all have demons. One of my demons happened to be pornography. I say happened because a situation came up which I believe has begun to put me into an episode, but one that will keep me away from pornography for the rest of my life.

I felt myself slipping here and there for the last two weeks. It's just a natural occurrence now and I have to be mindful of my surroundings and whether or not I'm left alone or in the company of others. The less I'm alone, and engaged with people whom I love and trust, the better. Over the last week or so I've been left alone, or mostly alone, for several days. In that time I've wandered. I've allowed myself to be tempted. It was not a good place to be mentally. I eventually found my way back into adult dating sites for singles, swingers, and cheating spouses. I registered for one such site.

Upon registering for the site I came to realize that it was nothing more than a pay to play scam. Most of these sites are, but I was hoping this would be different. I guess in my mind when I allow myself to become desperate just about anything can pass the litmus test. As I scanned the "local" girls, I came across one entry that crushed me. At first I thought "no way" and "this couldn't be right", but there she was. Someone had posted a photo of my daughter and made a vague reference to my wife's first and last name. My daughter, who is underage and not on social media of any kind, is now on an adult dating website. The listing had my daughter in the next town over and 18 years of age. She could have been listed at any age, I would have been enraged regardless.

I panicked. I didn't know who to go to with this information. Do I tell my wife "hey, I was on an adult dating website and saw our daughter's photo on there"? I took a screenshot of the listing and cropped out everything but the photo itself. I showed the photo to my daughter and asked her if she posted this particular photo anywhere. My daughter recognized the outfit and makeup as something she put together for a choir concert. Relieved, for the moment, I asked her if she took the photo. Or.....did someone else. She couldn't say for sure.

My heart sank further. Would I have to tell my wife what I had done to get to this photo? I interrupted a phone call my wife was having with a good friend to show her the picture I found online. Out of context. Worried someone was posing as her on the internet. My wife shrugged it off; without the photo being in context it was hard to see this as anything more than a harmless posting on social media that we were unaware of. My wife even asked me to text the picture because our daughter looked cute in it.

My chest has been pounding and I am nervous as all get out. I've completely sworn off pornography. I have no interest in ever seeing my daughter associated with smut and pray that I can be a better testimony to my wife and children. But what do I do with this finding? Anything? I am going through and deleting my history with the email account I used for the online dating site, which means killing off an almost year old email account to remove any trace of history linking me to the site or the account. I can't think of ever going back to that site for any other reason than to contact an administrator to have them take down the photo of a minor.

Now I fear that her photo could be on other dating sites. When the photo has part of her name as the user name and lists a nearby town as her current residence it scares me that someone could take this information and track her down.

I feel myself snapping at everything and everyone. I don't know who to tell - it's why I'm here - and I don't know how much longer I can keep it together without putting myself through another episode.

[Victoria'smom]

You need to inform the administrator that she is under age. You also need to question your daughter about where she is posting pictures. Unfortunately all teenagers aren't innocent. I know I wasn't. Have you seen any other red flags ie. low grades, skipping school, cuts she can't explain? If there are she needs to see a therapist right away.

If it is not her doing it she's probably getting bullied and it's illegal. Yes you may have to say where you found it and hope your wife forgives you. You need to go to couples therapy. If this is out of character for you, watch for mania.

I feel very manic right now. I cannot focus and keep switching from task to task. What is not helping me right now is that I'm in a lame duck period at work where I'm not really between positions but I might as well be. I'm working my current position this week and next week, but after that I'm in a new group. I virtually have nothing to do at the moment so I am making things up to do on the fly. I keep running out of ideas because I'm typing 1,000 WPM and clicking from one screen on my computer to the next. I cannot let the stress of this situation impact the start of a new position, but I'm worried that is going to have to.

I agree about letting the site admin know about the underage photo that is out there. I am concerned that they won't do anything about it. Who is to stop the person(s) who posted the picture the first time to do it again? Bullies were bad when I was growing up, but this just takes things to a whole other level. I remember boys writing "for a good time call..." on the bathroom wall or scrawling it into a desk in class or a table in the cafeteria. To think my daughter is mixed up in something like that has me seriously concerned. It would be one thing if the username was "jill185" or "jane123" but it was a combination of my wife's first name and our last name. Someone who knows us put that picture up. I just cannot think of who would stoop so low. I also cannot imagine how anyone would have gotten a hold of that photo which was used.

Yes, I admit that my daughter may not be 100% innocent. She has done things in the past. We have sought counseling for her. It helped. She hasn't been displaying the same kinds of behavior we saw in the past. What is troubling for me is that my daughter just recently got an iPhone again for the first time in two years. Two years of no social media - no Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. - and now all of a sudden I happen across a picture of her on an adult dating site.

Luke 8:17

For nothing is concealed that won't be revealed, and nothing hidden that won't be made known and come to light.

I always feared that my addictions would get the best of me and someday I would find myself in a lose-lose situation such as this. I have always managed to get caught eventually. Some of my larger indiscretions have yet to see the light of day, but that might all be changing.

I find that more personable writing slows down my though process and forces me to into a not so manic state. If I write about something that is troubling me it is most certainly painful, but sort of therapeutic in a way. I'm not at the stage right now where I want to cry as I am responding to this thread regarding this unsettling subject. But if history tells me anything that is only a matter of time.

The problem that I have with coming to my wife with the 100% truth is that this will simply open Pandora's box, and from there I will have to confess everything. My marriage will almost certainly be over once I disclose all that I have done.

[Victoria'smom]

You need to talk to a therapist what you've done in your past you can not change but you do need to deal with them in some way. You may have to come clean to your wife but talk it over with a licences therapist first.

Yes bullies can be that mean to put that up but she could have also not realizing what danger she's really in. If it is bullying it needs to be brought up to the superintendent. Google your wife's name and see if it pops up that way.

As for that opening Pandora's box. Remember now your in treatment, you're learning your warning signs and getting help when needed. It really sounds like you need therapy to accept your past and learn how to move on from here.

[bioChE]

Dude. I have no advice. I know if I found my daughter's picture like that I would go batshit crazy.

No idea what you should tell your wife. I think the idea of talking to a therapist is a good one.

[Wild Coyote]

I think you need to get very serious about whether you want in or out of the marriage and act accordingly. You are not doing yourself or your wife any favors. If you want to stay in the marriage, you and your wife need couples counseling.

Why self-sabotage concerning your marriage when you can make a firm decision (to leave) without self-sabotaging?

How old is your daughter?
How would anyone else benefit from posting her picture on a dating site?
If two people agree to meet up, it'll be clear if the person is meeting her or not.

It's good to see you back here. I am very sorry about the circumstances.


WC

[Sunflower123]

I hope you will talk to a therapist about this and get a game plan together. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Are you certain your daughter didn't put it there? Just asking because something is not quite right. Please see a pdoc if your mania continues.

Best wishes.