Today is not a good day

Don't feel like explaining everything, it's doesn't matter anyway, it won't change how I feel.... Been in tears for most the day, suppose I've only got myself to blame....
In a really bad depressive state... can't shake it
Hello anyone

I'm sorry you're having a tough day. Do you want to talk about it? Best wishes.

I can't, been crying and reading article's on the mighty, trying to find strength. But thanks

You don't have to shoulder all of the world's burdens. Hang in there.

Depression is insidious. It is not your fault. Hang in there and keep posting.

We're here for you!

Stay safe.

WC

There is no blame to be had for depression; just know we're here to listen(read).

Thank you, things aren't great at work at the moment and in South Africa in general. .
My wife and I were/are wanting to immigrate, but after a lot of googling I found out all my meds would kill our budget.. so silly me, I tried to start weening myself off, hoping that I'd be ok, and we'd be able to move. But I've hit a ridiculous low, very low, bad low.. after seeing my pdoc I have started taking them as I should, but I suppose it will take a while to work properly again......

Sending hugs, sorry things are so hard right now. Keep posting we are here to listen

Well... when I say weening, I mean I stopped some.. especially the lithium, hate it!!

And my wife is has been in her country for almost 2 months now trying to apply for a spousal visa for here, it's been so hard, especially knowing she is pregnant.. and I missed our little ones first scan yesterday ��
And I've been so sick, been on antibiotics for two weeks now, doc told me today I must go on another two week course....

And nobody cares... goodbye.... I don't want to live on this planet anymore....

We care.

We care about you and your wife. That's a really rough time being sick and apart from your spouse. It sucks that you can't move to someplace better because of your meds.

Hope you feel better and find work soon. And that your wife can come back.

Yes, we care.

WC

we do care.

More bad news..... it looks like it will be another 6 to 8 weeks before she can get a spousal visa...
I'm having dark thoughts again... I haven't told anyone...
Everyone likes pretending that I didn't do what I did those couple years back...
I'm ad breaking point.....

Sorry you're going through this Upsidedown. We do care

At the end of the day no one actually care a about anyone but themselves and their own well being.... I read a article the other day that triggered me... about her trying to commit suicide, being rushed to the DR, having to drink the charcoal mix.l I drank that mix.., no one in my life cares... my fiance, now wife threat end to leave me, the only friend I trusted enough to tell told me to grow up... I started swallowing 400mg lithium tablets.... I lost count, well, I didn't care to count past 30.... I got rushed to the icu, my friend/boss threatened to move me to a place I'd hate... I sometimes imagine writing letters, to the people who actually have the audacity to come to my funeral and pretend they care..., not too long after that I adopted a bullet, a .357 Magnus bullet, I named, I polished, every day for 4 months before I got readmitted... I'm so sick of this pathetic existence. ... everyone likes to pretend I'm fine... but I'm actually a bipolar ****tard.....

So sorry things are at that stage for you. The stage where desperate actions override the survival instinct. Will they at least keep you at the hospital for a time? Intensive outpatient program? It seems you need more help than you are getting.

Nope... in my country they don't pay for crazy people...

Doctors only care when they get paid lots....

She said she'd leave me if I had tried to kill myself, so I said i was crying out for help... if only she knew... well... then I'd be alone.....

No one should threaten to leave because your unwell. I'm sorry