I swear I can't take these bipolar cycles anymore! I knew it during last manic cycle I would be very very very suicidal within a week and its here on schedule! I can't understand how it happens like a clock. It's like someone does or says something to me on schedule that kills me and from there I can feel something in me building up and up and next thing I know I'm doing something bad to hurt myself that I can't type here. How can this reality be real? It's like I'm trapped in a virtual reality torture game that's programmed to have someone do something to me on schedule.

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by unreality

I swear I can't take these bipolar cycles anymore! I knew it during last manic cycle I would be very very very suicidal within a week and its here on schedule! I can't understand how it happens like a clock. It's like someone does or says something to me on schedule that kills me and from there I can feel something in me building up and up and next thing I know I'm doing something bad to myself that I can't type here. How can this reality be real? It's like I'm trapped in a virtual reality torture game that's programmed to have someone do something to me on schedule.

Are you on meds?

No. I'm at a place in life now where I don't have insurance or money or even a car to drive to anyplace. I was homeless earlier this year and was happy my parents let me move here but I've never been more miserable uncomfortable in my life to the point where I feel freezing at night on some cement bench homeless starving to dearth is better.

I don't score high in schizophrenia tests but the past few days I've been hearing weird noises and people who don't exist. Is it possible to be from an intense bipolar cycle?

[wildflowerchild25]

Yes psychosis can occur during episodes, both manic and depressed. I'm so sorry you're in such a tough position, maybe calling a community mental health center or even your local nami chapter will help. NAMI might be able to help you find some resources in your community.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by unreality

I don't score high in schizophrenia tests but the past few days I've been hearing weird noises and people who don't exist. Is it possible to be from an intense bipolar cycle?

There is bipolar with psychosis in some people. Or Schizoeffective. I'm not a doctor so please don't take my word 100% I hope that you get better soon.

[Sunflower123]

Could you get your parents to pay for a visit to a pdoc? A lot of the medications that pdoc's prescribe you can get for little or no money through patient assistance. I'm sorry you're struggling. I'm here to talk if you need me. Thinking of you.

That's a good idea but as silly as this sounds I don't have the courage to tell them of my mental issues. They're extremely strict christian and don't believe in pdocs which is probably why I'm so messed up from childhood. They pray away the problems. They would definitely think I'm demon possessed. I'm sure a lot of strict christians believe in pdocs though.

ps I came here today to post because I felt like I was about to go totally insane. It's always helps to post here.

[bukowski06]

yoyr parents may have some indication that something may be happening so I hope that you could try to open up communication with them. It has been shown that family support is beneficial mental health. Is there someone like an aunt that could maybe talk to your parent first

my sister would understand. I've heard her children say she hears cats talk to her so she might have a disorder but I would still be too afraid to tell my sister. It seems so much easier to end myself, that's an easy solution but I fear hurting my family.

[Icare dixit]

I don't know much about your options, as I'm not living in the US, but can't you apply for (disability) benefits?

I'd also suggest you contact a charity which can help you figure out what social security provisions you are entitled to.

I'd say it's best to be as independent as possible and it's better to depend on the law than it is to depend on people who don't really understand your problems, no matter how much they love you.

[liveforsummer]

Yes please seek help through family member, mental health clinics, drop in groups, family doctor or hospital, whatever you have access to. And keep posting and sharing with everyone here

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by unreality

ps I came here today to post because I felt like I was about to go totally insane. It's always helps to post here.

I'm sorry your parents feel that way. That's frustrating. If it helps to post then post away. We're here to support you.

[Icare dixit]

And talk to your sister. You might together find a way to convince your parents.

And yes, you should never hurt the ones that love you in such a way. It's bad. Worse than you can imagine (especially given the state you're in, where you don't value your life much).

[Guiness187055]

The ER should also get you going in the right direction. Check yourself in voluntarily.

[Disorder7]

Originally Posted by unreality

I don't score high in schizophrenia tests but the past few days I've been hearing weird noises and people who don't exist. Is it possible to be from an intense bipolar cycle?

Yes. I have auditory hallucinations.... psychotic features.

[Wander]

I also have hallucinations and delusions when manic. They can be exhilarating or terrifying depending on where I am at with the mania. It sounds like you need more support. A lot of great advice has been given. I hope you seek some help soon. You don't have to live like this. (((HUGS)))

[delete]

[-Astral-]

((((((( hugs ))))) if ok

[franz kafka]

Originally Posted by unreality

I don't score high in schizophrenia tests but the past few days I've been hearing weird noises and people who don't exist. Is it possible to be from an intense bipolar cycle?

Yup, you can have psychosis both with up and down moods. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds very disorientating.

[Icare dixit]

Do these tests say you have all these things? Never taken one, but it sounds a bit irresponsible. I'd just say you suspect you have bipolar or schizophrenia based on some tests you've taken and some information given to you by some who have these disorders.

If you have access to a (university) library, I'd suggest you read/use the DSM-5 Handbook of Differential Diagnosis or (if they don't have that one) the DSM-5 itself and start with the criteria for BP and schizophrenia. Only if there are problems you have (and which are truly severe) which aren't listed there, you may look at the personality disorders to see if your remaining problems are listed there.

If you use the Handbook, which (like the actual DSM) implicitly describes/uses a hierarchy, ADHD "should" be ruled out first because it's more "organic" than BP and SZ. In my humble (yeah, right) opinion, while that is arguably true of BP, SZ is as much a developmental disorder as autism spectrum disorders and ADHD are (maybe more so in the case of ADHD).

Brain trauma, acute damage/injury, should also be ruled out. If you're always in a pretty severe state of psychosis (of which you may only recognise (some) hallucinations as such) or you have energy and appetite regulation problems like those seen in BP, but not both (at least that would be rather unlikely), that may be the underlying problem. Severe lack of concentration (which may appear like ADHD) or the inability to use certain types of memory could also be a sign of this. But you'd probably know about it if you had a problem like this.

Substance-abuse should also be ruled out.

If you have a personality disorder, it's likely BPD. But it's difficult to know whether you have it based on the criteria in the DSM.

Just ask more questions and read more and keep an open mind. We are biased: people tend to see what they know.

Do you smoke? Do you drink a lot? Drugs? Done so in the past?

I know nothing about NAMI, but I'm sure they can't diagnose you. They may be able to help you regardless.

[Icare dixit]

And the first possibility you should rule out, before all else, is malingering (or a factitious disorder).

You have claimed to have pretty much all mental disorders. It could be that that is because you are genuinely desperate and looking for answers; very strong beliefs (including about having some disorder) and a very strong confirmation bias may mean you're experiencing delusions. But I doubt it.

[Icare dixit]

Do you always tell the truth or is it just what you believe at the time to be the truth?

You said you were homeless. How did that happen?