[franz kafka]

I've started thinking that the supernatural entity that wants me dead is watching me through the lights. I saw an exit sign and it meant: exit from this world. I'm not sure if it means the world is ending or my life is ending. Or both.

I'm stressed and exhausted. I slept most of the day, because I'm also depressed.

How am I supposed to cope? What did I do to deserve this?

Thankfully I see new-tdoc tomorrow morning. At least I can tell my story to someone.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. You don't deserve this. I think most of us with MI have asked that question before. I'm so glad you're seeing a tdoc tomorrow. I hope it goes well. Good luck and best wishes.

i think you're making the right choice to talk to your therapist. Maybe she/he can give you advice and coping skills on how to deal with these entities. After all, medicine can only do so much for us and we (unfortunately) can't rely on medicine 100%. We need skills to deal with crises etc.

Best wishes. I hope you're able to work through this! And I agree with Jennifer that you didn't do anything to deserve this. The only thing you deserve is to be happy.

[-Astral-]

glad you are seeing your t doc tomorrow i hope it helps you ...((((( hugs ))) if ok

[Wander]

So sorry this is continuing to happen. It must be awful. You did nothing to deserve this. Hopefully your new tdoc can help you with coping skills. Are you safe?

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you are challenged with this.
I hope your new tdoc is helpful.
Please stay safe.

WC

[Victoria'smom]

Hopefully you can see you t and hopefully She can give you ideas. My T want's me to write down what my voice is saying and nitpick through what's logical and what's not.

[liveforsummer]

COURAGE AND TONS OF HUGS
:

[MatBell]

Hope you're doing better Franz

[Unrigged64072835]

Hopefully your session with T will help. It must be rough to keep living like that. Hold on.

[franz kafka]

Session with tdoc was rough. He kept talking about me quitting the program I'm in or needing hospital. Needless to say I was a lot more cautious with what I said than before. I refuse hospital or withdrawal from the program. These are not options.

Yet there is a side of me terrified of the entity. I'm of two minds.

[Icare dixit]

Terrified as in you're trembling, you freeze (at times), your heart is racing, you don't dare to speak to people or you really can't think about anything else and you can't really function?

If it's none of that I wouldn't worry. Many of the things you think that matter, don't matter. Just have faith it will be alright. We all need that.

[franz kafka]

Right now I'm kind of switching back and forth between being quite genuinely terrified and thinking things are ok. Tdoc thinks I'm dissociating because I can't handle my thoughts.

[bioChE]

You say those things are not options. That's not reality. They are options that need to be considered in light of your present state of mind. Psychosis in Egypt is treated much differently than it is in the States.

I'm not trying to crush your dreams, I'm trying to get you to see the seriousness of your situation. I'm not saying that quitting or going to the hospital are what you have to do, but they are realistic options. Listen to your therapist, he's on your side.

If what you've shared with us is an accurate picture of your present state of mind, it is very serious.

[franz kafka]

I think it's fairly accurate. I'm just typing what I feel at the moment.

It's hard to see the situation for what it is. My mind is confused and I can't remember a lot of things. I am very afraid of hospital and will do anything I can to stay out of it, that's all I know.

[Victoria'smom]

So put the program on hold until you feel better. When do you see pdoc or T again?

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by franz kafka

I think it's fairly accurate. I'm just typing what I feel at the moment.

It's hard to see the situation for what it is. My mind is confused and I can't remember a lot of things. I am very afraid of hospital and will do anything I can to stay out of it, that's all I know.

Your honesty here is commendable. It is refreshing to see someone who shares the real thoughts and feelings that you do. Please keep sharing here.

I fully understand your aversion to the hospital. I hate it as well, and at the same time realize there are times when it can be the quickest route out of our misery.

[franz kafka]

Can't put the program on hold. It happens on its own timeline.

I see pdoc again in August, but I'll see tdoc again Wednesday.

[franz kafka]

Thanks, bioChE. This place is one of my only outlets. I'll try to keep sharing.

I really want to survive an episode without hospital. I want to know that I can do that. I don't want this revolving door for the rest of my life.

[Alisher]

Hi
Don't be desperate. You know that your depression will not last forever. In my case it lasts usually 1-2 months. This knowledge should cheers you. Best wishes. Hug

[Victoria'smom]

When's the next time that program is offered?

[franz kafka]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

When's the next time that program is offered?

Next summer, but for long and complicated reasons that mainly revolve around funding, this is my only shot at it.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm so sorry,

[franz kafka]

Thanks for the support, Miguel'smom. No matter what I am going to try my hardest to make this program happen. I hate having a MI.

[Victoria'smom]

How much longer do you have? 3 weeks right? are you going to listen to your T or try to complete the program?