[dshantel]

Why? Ugh I'm so frustrated and pissed and sad and mad and now I have all these thoughts in my head. I want to run away, escape. I hate feeling this way. I don't think I'm in an episode as I've been doing relatively better recently but I had normal feelings of frustration over a situation that happened tonight but now my head is spinning and the cycle of thought has begun and my feelings have turned to sadness and frustration and it's so much I just want to break stuff or scream and I don't want to be here I just want to run away but that won't get me out of my head. Why does this happen to me¿ I tried writing on here earlier and my husband was looking over my shoulder and I turned my phone away quickly because I kind of use this how I used to use my journal and I didn't want him reading that and I don't want him reading here either. This was my safe place to vent and rant and talk with people who understands me and now I feel like it has been intruded upon and this might be my last post for awhile because I know he'll try to get my phone when I'm not looking and read my stuff. He has done this in the past with my journal that I had that I shared with my therapist and now I can't journal. So I also feel frustrated about that and something else that happened earlier and now I just idk..... I just wish I wasn't me or that things were different maybe. I just can't handle being here right now.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Your husband has no right or reason to read your journal or phone. Is there any way you can put a lock on it (the phone)?

[wildflowerchild25]

Maybe you can journal on a piece of paper and then tear it up so he can't read it? I'm sorry he intrudes on your privacy like that. That's not right.

I hope your frustration gets better. I'm sorry you're feeling this way! It's not fun.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Your husband has no right or reason to read your journal or phone. Is there any way you can put a lock on it (the phone)?

I have a password on my phone but he knows it. If u changed it, it would just cause and argument and he'd think I was hiding something from him. I just don't even want to start with that crap.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Maybe you can journal on a piece of paper and then tear it up so he can't read it? I'm sorry he intrudes on your privacy like that. That's not right.

I hope your frustration gets better. I'm sorry you're feeling this way! It's not fun.

The reason I used to journal was to vent and write about my feelings because it helps me feel a little better and also to track my moods. My therapist at the time suggested it. Well I did that up until he started reading it. So then I just started writing my feelings here to you guys for the same purpose and it helps that there are people here who share some of my same issues. Everyone here has been great especially since I don't have a T at the moment.

[Nammu]

That's hard not having a safe place to write down thoughts or to vent. I hope you can find a T soon and hubby gets bored and leaves your phone alone.

[NeedHaldol]

Sounds like you need some solitude and space.

Ask your husband for some time alone each day. Write on a piece of paper and when you are done, get rid of it. It is the act of getting out thoughts that is therapeutic, not reading what you wrote.

My wife and I know each other's phone password, but we don't check them. Any time we get a text when we are together, we just simply tell each other who it is and what's it about.

You deserve some privacy. Anyone that doesn't respect that does not warrant respect back.

Maybe you should turn the tables and check his phone.

[bioChE]

You can always start to journal online (a lot of people like Day One) and put on a password that only you know.