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#1
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Greetings,
Just need someone to hear me. Diagnosed with Bipolar. I do not present as described in DMV-5. Always have had a hard time accepting diagnosis. My psychiatrist worked with me 5 years. He was very well esteemed in the mental health community. He fired me for non-compliance. I stopped taking meds numerous times. He didn't know how else to help. Fast forward to current. I work in a mental health evaluation and treatment facility as a nurse. I see people who are very sick mentally. I think "that's not me" I have never been ill like that. Maybe I just need to get it together on my own. Things really wernt that bad. I stopped my lithium. Decreased my Seroquel from 400mg to 100mg. I feel ok a lot of days. But there are days I feel like crap. I'm agitated/angry, My body hurts. If I'm not working, I always sleep more. I don't feel motivated. Takes me everything to go to the gym. Lately, I'm just missing days. So I think, is this depression coming back? My "edge on" can get pretty bad. Can't stand to be around people on some times. Just feel like smacking them. So, I don't fit "criteria" for depression cause I do have some good days. But the days I feel bad-bad. Getting worse. Unsure of what to do. Have arnp that orders meds. only see her every few months. Suggestions/comments |
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#2
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Welcome, noneedtoknow.
You asked for comments. I can tell you I take several bipolar meds, none that cause daytime sedation or weight gain. I've never gone off my meds. I'd not be typing this now if I wasn't on meds. I wish I was med-free but it's .... not an option for me. Some people here have or have managed without...stick around, regardless, for support. I don't push meds. That's just my own health and I have other MI, too. Welcome to the group. |
![]() noneedtoknow
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#3
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If I were you, I'd start taking my meds again and look for a new psychiatrist. Something's not right, and you might as well start by accepting your diagnosis, at least until you can see someone new and get another opinion. You are not happy or healthy, and you have a lot to lose. Judging by what you have written, you do sound depressed to me. Best of luck to you.
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![]() noneedtoknow
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#4
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I'm a nurse too, although I'm technically retired due to disability. Being mentally ill in our profession entails a lot of hiding and faking it because medical people tend to be very judgmental. I don't know why; we should extend our compassion for our patients to one another.
Sorry to say, but I don't think you should compare your patients' experiences to your own. It doesn't matter that they seem so much "sicker" than you. You need to stick to a medication schedule and go to therapy. That and healthy lifestyle habits are critical to your well-being. Go see your pnurse ASAP and get back into compliance with meds. In other words, "Nurse, heal thyself". Hugs.
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DX: Bipolar 1 Anxiety Tardive dyskinesia Mild cognitive impairment RX: Celexa 20 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN Lamictal 500 mg Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression) Trazodone 150 mg Zyprexa 7.5 mg Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com |
![]() noneedtoknow
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#5
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Well first off you need to keep the dosages that were recommended by your Dr. I go through bouts where I'm okay and stop taking my meds regardless of seizure side effects and others. Eventually when meds are out of your system that's when you crash and see/feel the change. Which tells you that you really do need your meds for stabilization. At least for me it does, and I've been on off meds too many times to count, but I still tell myself I'm fine when I know in the end I will crash. Haven't learned my lesson yet. Maybe one day I will.
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