conflicting desires

What do you do when part of you wants one thing and part of you wants another?

My current conflict is with getting to a healthy weight. Part of me wants this. Just this week i've started a diet and dieted for one whole day and three partial days. I've gone to Overeaters Anonymous and spoke up to get my chip saying i want abstinence.

But part of me wants to indulge and eat junk. That part has been winning this week. I don't want to struggle. I want the pleasure of indulgent food. I want the comfort.

I resent dieting because i don't smoke, drink, do drugs, gamble or f*@k around. There's so many bad behaviors i don't do, why can't i just have this one crutch, a junky diet?

I don't want to be fat tho and i sure don't want to get fatter and i've been gaining.

I sit here, my stomach plugged full of taco chips and chocolate bars after eating healthy all day and i am disgusted with myself!

What do you do when parts of yourself are at war with other parts of yourself?

Oh apfei, you have taken the words right out of my mouth. I feel exactly the same way. How do we take control over that part of our "self" that we seem to be at war with?

I would love to have a really honest open discussion about this.

Comments anyone??

I feel EXACTLY the same way. I hate dieting! It's like food is my addiction and I just want to eat what I want. But I keep gaining weight and I know I can't go on like this. My A1C his creeping into prediabetic territory. I definitely don't want diabetes. But it's like I can't stop! Part of me wants to eat better but a bigger part of me wants the comfort of yummy food. I hate being restricted. I get so resentful.

I've tried to quit smoking and the same thing happens. I hate the uncomfortable feeling of nicotine withdrawal and I hate not being able to have what I want. And smoking is much more dangerous than being overweight. I desperately want to quit but I enjoy it so much! I feel constantly at war with myself over these two issues.

I have no advice, just wanted to commiserate!

Glad to have your support, StandUp2Me and Tara. I did a list of the reasons to lose weight and the reasons to stay the same and the latter won. I hate myself for being fat, but i hated myself when i was thin and fit, too. Everybody has to have at least one vice -- it keeps you humble!

Im recovering from multiple addictions and have flipped into food addiction. Im now trying to combat it and I really need to be serious about it as Ive gained a lot of weight and I feel I can keep packing it on at this rate.

So I really need to shift my food addiction to a health addiction with dieting and exercise as I cant afford another ****** addiction.

Ive done well on my new diet for three days, but Im so depressed the very thought of exercise makes me sick, even walking. I swear Ive lost use of my arms and legs the past few months.

I have a similar problem, but not with food. I want to quit smoking, but at the same time I don't want to! It's awful. I've been smoking like a chimney too. I have to stop! But it's like I can't! I also have an addiction to diet mountain dews, and I know those are bad for me too. I know I should be drinking water instead. I also used to go to the gym every night, but now I can't because my daughter is on summer vacation, so she's home during the day and I have to take care of her, so all I do now is sit around on my ***! My active lifestyle has turned into this horrible situation where I mostly just sit around all day! I want to lose weight, but I eat candy sometimes.

I don't know. I'm torn too.

I have to quit smoking. I don't want to end up with an electronic voice when I get older!

I feel so agitated now writing about this. Ugh!

I keep thinking about dieting then I drink fattening beers.
sigh
I will never lose weight while drinking....
sigh
bizi

Today I was in Boston, and this dude walked down the street in front of me with no shirt on. He had a fantastic build, very athletic, just the right weight. I wanted to have his body, not mine. That's why, when I went to lunch at the hospital cafeteria, I chose to have a $2.00 garden salad instead of a $4.00 cheeseburger. I want to be able to take my shirt off in public.

I hate the way I look when I look in the mirror. There is no conflict. I have to lose weight. I'll live longer, too, and that becomes important when you are almost 60, as I am.

Don't give in to silly rationalizations. Being overweight is not good for you. You'll be much happier if you are thinner.

And you'll die young if you continue to smoke.

Changing eating habits doesn't happen over night. It's really hard. Can you work on changing them slowly? I still crave junk, so I allow myself to have it sometimes. Do you have a calorie range you try to stay in? You could pick a small goal and start with that.

It's hard for me as well particularly since I have experienced eating disorders in the past and have a complicated relationship with food. My daughter is frequently on me about living a healthier lifestyle. I've had two wake up calls recently though. We have a lifelong family friend who was displaying signs of dementia and it actually was blocked arteries. They had to do 5 bypasses. She had a stroke while recuperating and passed away in June. I don't want to experience the same. I also went to college orientation this week with my daughter and walked the large campus on one of the hottest days of the year. I got heat stroke. I don't think this would have happened if I was healthier.

It scared me straight. I've started water aerobics and have been eating better. Good luck and best wishes with your endeavors.

I hate seeing myself in the mirror. Especially when I am hypomanic; I feel so much skinnier than that guy in the mirror. I lost over 50# 4 years ago and it has all come back. The meds are partly to blame but they don't contain the calories. I just need to get over the hump; once I am a couple of weeks in, I feel like I have a "lead to protect" and it gets easier. It's this "it won't matter if I am bad for one more day" stage I get stuck in for many, many days that is my biggest problem.

Are we better off making baby steps or do we just jump in and hope for the best?
I am my own worst enemy, I tend to be an all or nothing person.
I will be super good, eat well, exercise for three days and then...BOOM I will eat an entire pizza.
But if we dig deep down is weight an unspoken wall, meant for keeping people away and the feelings inside?

being so heavy and overweight....I need to buy new scrubs but that is the defeatist in me.
I refuse to give in to this weight. OK
cut my waist line, cut my waist line, cut my waist line.....
bizi

Today i ate far too much and i feel panicked. I also grocery shopped and bought a lot of naughty food, when i felt sure i wanted to ditch dieting. Now i'm bloated and uncomfortable and my stomach feels plugged and i'm reconsidering.

A couple of posters on this thread have suggested making small changes rather than diving right in. Not sure what that would look like for me. Maybe having at least one serving of veggies and only one serving of JF? I'll give it a try.

Look for progress, not perfection.


WC

For some reason I get facebook updates from Cleveland Clinic's dietary department and something they suggested that seems smart to me is to always attach a fiber to a carb. I am not necessarily good at this but I think it is a valid tip.

I'm curious, what tricks do you use to help yourself eat healthier? For example I love celery but am more likely to eat it if it has something on it. So I buy this Greek yogurt/low fat cream cheese spread at Aldi's and put that on the celery and while it adds a small number of calories to the celery it is balanced by my eating a lot of celery.

So, what is the answer?
Are we better to slowly cut things out of our eating pattern, or do we jump in, like ripping off a band-aid?
It is better to say no pizza for me, or just no pizza this week
One day at a time????