[motogypsy]

That they are like "two different people in one"? I've heard this from a few people because my mood swings can be extreme sometimes.

[JanusunaJ]

I've found that I have a few different almost distinct behaviors. Sometimes, I'm outgoing, social, adventurous, and talkative -- friends have said I had the gift of gab. But, on other occasions I find myself not being able to express myself. I'm then not socially withdrawn, but I'm not characteristically outgoing yet more so introspective and introverted. Then, there is the depressed me, seeking isolation, keeping my thoughts locked away from the outside world, struggling to understand and rise above. I prefer the first version of me.

[UpDownAround]

Only two?
1) the facade
2) behind the facade "near center" (real me?)
3) Mr Mopey
4) the arrogant jackass

"real me" has some manic tendencies with regards to racing thoughts that are sometimes inappropriate which somehow make it out of my mouth intact when I can't seem to finish mundane sentences. That's why I have the facade up even when I am near center.

[motogypsy]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

Only two?
1) the facade
2) behind the facade "near center" (real me?)
3) Mr Mopey
4) the arrogant jackass

"real me" has some manic tendencies with regards to racing thoughts that are sometimes inappropriate which somehow make it out of my mouth intact when I can't seem to finish mundane sentences. That's why I have the facade up even when I am near center.

That's what has been described to me.

I can go from the most loving person who would do anything for anyone to the coldest most heartless person in a couple's seconds. I can be happy and feel everything to feeling angry/hateful and feeling absolutely nothing. Which believe me, has made relationships difficult. When you know you're in love because you've felt it before but then it's like when you feel nothing it can get destructive very quickly, I can be okay (never honestly been content with my life except when I would travel or move around), but I can be 'okay' with my life and the next minute I hate every single detail of it and wondering why I didn't make more of myself. I'm never in silence. I'm always thinking, overthinking, and basically coming up with scenarios that are either not likely or not actually going to happen. I also have this weird thing where everything feels temporary, nothing feels permanent places I've lived, jobs, relationships etc. I always expect things to end, but the moment something wants to become permanent I panic and try to push it all away.

I don't like this. I don't like myself sometimes. I can say some things that I know cut people deep without realizing that I noticed it bothered them or that I held on to those types of information.

[Nammu]

Changing moods in seconds is more a personality problem not BP.

[motogypsy]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Changing moods in seconds is more a personality problem not BP.

I've been diagnosed with it but also with a mood disorder so maybe it's more that.

[bioChE]

Yes, my wife says it's like being married to two people.

Originally Posted by motogypsy

I've been diagnosed with it but also with a mood disorder so maybe it's more that.

BP is a mood disorder.

i'm a little confused about what you're saying

are you saying that you're diagnosed with a personality disorder (such as borderline), and BP on top of that?

reading back to the comment above yours, I guess it makes sense

Originally Posted by motogypsy

That's what has been described to me.

I can go from the most loving person who would do anything for anyone to the coldest most heartless person in a couple's seconds. I can be happy and feel everything to feeling angry/hateful and feeling absolutely nothing. Which believe me, has made relationships difficult. When you know you're in love because you've felt it before but then it's like when you feel nothing it can get destructive very quickly, I can be okay (never honestly been content with my life except when I would travel or move around), but I can be 'okay' with my life and the next minute I hate every single detail of it and wondering why I didn't make more of myself. I'm never in silence. I'm always thinking, overthinking, and basically coming up with scenarios that are either not likely or not actually going to happen. I also have this weird thing where everything feels temporary, nothing feels permanent places I've lived, jobs, relationships etc. I always expect things to end, but the moment something wants to become permanent I panic and try to push it all away.

I don't like this. I don't like myself sometimes. I can say some things that I know cut people deep without realizing that I noticed it bothered them or that I held on to those types of information.

relationships and BP.. certainly a talking point.

I struggle with that too, not only with the BP side of it though, I find it hard to forgive someone if they've done something wrong, and prefer to just cut them out of my life for good

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Changing moods in seconds is more a personality problem not BP.

Agreed. My list of 4 is actually 3 and a mask I wear with any of the 3. But I tend to be one of the 3 states for days, weeks or in a few cases even months at a time. One minor exception is that when I am near center at a "high normal" I so seem to be able to get into a frenzy over something I am passionate about and display hypomanic symptoms.

In a recent session with psych nurse I mentioned that while the lamictal was doing a good job of keeping me out of the depths, it sometimes seems like I rapid cycle into a moderate depression over bad news. She smiled and told me "Those are emotions. It is something of break through for you that they sometimes dictate how you feel instead of your mood keeping you in one place."

[*Laurie*]

Yes, I have been told that all throughout my life. And I know it, and I hate it.

[motogypsy]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

BP is a mood disorder.

i'm a little confused about what you're saying

are you saying that you're diagnosed with a personality disorder (such as borderline), and BP on top of that?

reading back to the comment above yours, I guess it makes sense

Clearly I misunderstood that then. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

[motogypsy]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

relationships and BP.. certainly a talking point.

I struggle with that too, not only with the BP side of it though, I find it hard to forgive someone if they've done something wrong, and prefer to just cut them out of my life for good

I've had that issue before, where if they did anything remotely close to something that hurt me or followed the patterns in any way of someone who had, I end up feeling like they are no different and shut people out.

[motogypsy]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

Agreed. My list of 4 is actually 3 and a mask I wear with any of the 3. But I tend to be one of the 3 states for days, weeks or in a few cases even months at a time. One minor exception is that when I am near center at a "high normal" I so seem to be able to get into a frenzy over something I am passionate about and display hypomanic symptoms.

In a recent session with psych nurse I mentioned that while the lamictal was doing a good job of keeping me out of the depths, it sometimes seems like I rapid cycle into a moderate depression over bad news. She smiled and told me "Those are emotions. It is something of break through for you that they sometimes dictate how you feel instead of your mood keeping you in one place."

I can see people took the "one second to another" too literally. Some days, I do have several moods throughout but sometimes it is the same bad mood or good mood for weeks then something changes and I go from one to the other. I'll have to choose my wording better...

[Sunflower123]

Only once, when a not particularly bright therapist (before I was diagnosed) marveled that I was 2 different people sometimes...one deeply depressed and one upbeat and positive.