[xRavenx]

I just feel I need to release what I'm feeling, since I really just don't know what to do anymore.

For a week straight, I was extremely irritable. Everyone and everything has been bothering me to the max. The fact I started a new position within my company made things even more stressful.

I took a friend out tonight, only because I promised her. The whole night, I felt so unfocused. This even led to me getting pulled over tonight, although luckily, I didn't get a ticket. I thought seeing my friend would make things better, but I feel worse. Being out and seeing couples together and people seemingly happy and having a good time is something I envy. It just seems like that's something unattainable for me. A big part of it has to do with these episodes. I feel very low about myself.

All I want to do is stay in bed away from people and hide from the world. Everything is caving in. Something else I've been preoccupied with, is the fear of letting others down. Now, I've gotten to a point where I feel I've let others down (and that I always let myself down), so it feels that there is no point anymore. Also, I have been trying to mask my feelings, especially at work. The mask had to come off, when a co-worker told me I do not seem like myself. This made me tense enough to cry.

I don't know if there's anything I should be trying to do, in order to prevent the depression from getting worse and worse, aside from medication. Also, how can one develop a sense of self-worth again, after being beat down by depression? I fault myself and second-guess myself constantly, but don't know where to even begin to work on fixing this.

[Ripose]

I wish there was an easy way out. I am in a similar position as yourself and it was months before I read about Lamictal, so I asked my doc if I could try it. She said it was worth a shot and once I got to 250 mg It worked wonders and my deep dark depression ended.
I wish there were a way to fix the depression without meds but nothing I tried worked.

The only way I saw even a little hope was by just telling myself what I really had to be content about. I had my wife, food, clothing, shelter and disability income. Nothing that made me particularly happy but just enough to be content. Content enough to stop the thoughts of ending my life.

So I guess I am just saying to count your blessings and to seek solace in what you do have in your life.

Darcy

[Sunflower123]

Do you think a med re-evaluation would be helpful at this time? I think it's common for people with depression and bipolar to feel like they've let themselves and others down. Could a tdoc help you with this? Best wishes.

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I just feel I need to release what I'm feeling, since I really just don't know what to do anymore. *snip* ...

I don't know if there's anything I should be trying to do, in order to prevent the depression from getting worse and worse, aside from medication. Also, how can one develop a sense of self-worth again, after being beat down by depression? I fault myself and second-guess myself constantly, but don't know where to even begin to work on fixing this.

It took ten years for me to get my bipolar meds balanced. I was NOT depressed for that entire time, but I was unstable. All I can tell you is to find a psychiatrist to see who will be willing to work with you and change medications until you have the right balance for you. For me, that was Geodon -- it saved me. I still have some depression, but the Geodon really saved me.

I suggest that you see a counselor as often as you can while you're battling this. We here on the forum know how you feel; you're not alone.

[Wild Coyote]

Make sure you have enough help with med changes/adjustments.
Do you see a therapist?

Try not to isolate. Basically, do the opposite of what the depression is urging you to do.

Do you have CBT/DBT skills you can use during this time?
I am so sorry you are going through this.

Please take excellent care of you.

WC

[Naynay99]

Hey. Sorry you are going thru suck a tough patch right now.
I have no real advice, just hope you feel better soon.
I agree with other poster- try not to isolate. Hang in there.

[xRavenx]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Make sure you have enough help with med changes/adjustments.
Do you see a therapist?

Try not to isolate. Basically, do the opposite of what the depression is urging you to do.

Do you have CBT/DBT skills you can use during this time?
I am so sorry you are going through this.

Please take excellent care of you.

WC

Thank you. Sometimes, I try to use some guided imagery online since it seems to be a form of mindfulness. Every now and then on youtube, I'll look up ones that especially center around depression, anxiety, and the need for self-compassion. I haven't had the energy, but I know I need to take some action and go at a slow pace. It seems a lot of people in my life are also struggling, so I've been trying to be there for them, but I've lost sight of trying to take care of myself. I'm still figuring out how to do that.

As far as a therapist goes, I would consider going back to one, but I think I'd need to find a different one. Sometimes when I get especially depressed, it's hard to find the words to describe how I'm feeling, and I just appeared so slowed down and have that flatness in my voice. It was getting very expensive at $40 a session.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Do you think a med re-evaluation would be helpful at this time? I think it's common for people with depression and bipolar to feel like they've let themselves and others down. Could a tdoc help you with this? Best wishes.

Thanks, Jennifer. I think I need to go back to my pdoc. Last time I was there, we identified that there were some concerns, but we would just monitor and hope that naturally I would get back on track. Now, I'm starting to realize that I can't hold out much longer. Something needs to change. Maybe it's time to go back up on my Seroquel. I'm already on the highest dose of Lamictal, Gabapentin, and I take Klonopin for anxiety.

[lilypup]

Just wanted to say...you certainly know we all understand. I find great comfort in that. All of the above suggestions, such as med evaluation, not isolating as much as possible, and using coping skills are great.

I think you should give yourself credit for even getting to work and doing it. That's a hell of an achievement right there!

love ya,
lily

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by lilypup

Just wanted to say...you certainly know we all understand. I find great comfort in that. All of the above suggestions, such as med evaluation, not isolating as much as possible, and using coping skills are great.

I think you should give yourself credit for even getting to work and doing it. That's a hell of an achievement right there!

love ya,
lily

Thanks, love ya too lily. I will try to take it day by day. Some days will go easier than others. It gets really, really hard though.

I am afraid of not being able to keep up with the job, but I think part of it, is that I have to really be assertive with the supervisors that I need more training, being new to this. It's a hard thing to do, and I felt discouraged when a co-worker made that comment about me not keeping up yet. I thought it was rude of her, especially since I've always been driven to be the best that I can. When I show signs of being inadequate, it makes me feel terrible, since I already put pressure on myself.

We made up though, because she didn't mean to make me upset. It's a sign I'm going manic when I am overzealous about certain things, and sometimes I get fixated on being as high of an achiever as possible. That's sometimes a trigger for crashing, because eventually, I can't keep up. I'll try to cope and hang in there. Anyways, thanks for the support!

[signul]

This is exactly the way I've been feeling lately and exactly the reason I joined this forum. I feel like every other week is like this for me. I feel like my meds sent working the way they used to and I feel myself becoming more and more distant with my family and friends. I honestly don't know how to fix this and worried it's only going to get worse

[liveforsummer]

Just saw your post. I really hope you're doing a bit better now

[Cocosurviving]

I can relate to you. I'm usually manic in the spring and summer. But this summer I've been dealing with depression. I just want to stay in the bed. My hobby is sleeping. I've just had a med increase (Zoloft). My pdoc is open to changing my med if needed. I take a mood stabilizer too. I hope things improve for you soon.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by signul

This is exactly the way I've been feeling lately and exactly the reason I joined this forum. I feel like every other week is like this for me. I feel like my meds sent working the way they used to and I feel myself becoming more and more distant with my family and friends. I honestly don't know how to fix this and worried it's only going to get worse

So sorry you're feeling this way too. I also feel the same way about my meds, where they just don't seem to be as effective lately. Sometimes when my meds are raised, I feel like a zombie, so that doesn't seem like a solution either.....so it's really hard. It also makes me wonder when this feeling will go away. It's like a hole I am trying to dig my way out of. I wish I had some good advice or feedback. Hopefully, things will start to look up soon and that the pdoc will have some possibilities. Hugs.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Just saw your post. I really hope you're doing a bit better now

Thank you. I think I'll need to go back to the pdoc and trying to remain hopeful. Today was a hard day, but I'm not going to give up completely, although there are plenty of times where I feel like I should.

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I can relate to you. I'm usually manic in the spring and summer. But this summer I've been dealing with depression. I just want to stay in the bed. My hobby is sleeping. I've just had a med increase (Zoloft). My pdoc is open to changing my med if needed. I take a mood stabilizer too. I hope things improve for you soon.

(((hugs))). Thank you, Cocosurviving, and I hope you feel better soon. I can relate also to usually being manic in the summer. I was getting manicky in the beginning of the summer, but then I crashed.