[mossanimal]

About 3 weeks ago I had a moment where everything hit me in terms of the decisions I've made over my life.. but especially the last 7 years since I met and married my wife. I've been on meds for about 6 months now but it's only been my recent switch to Abilify and Wellbutrin that things started feeling 'normal'. But now everything seems so clear. I'm stunned by my actions and what it has done to my life and how they have affected my wife and family. I dropped my entire career and burnt all the bridges in that field to pursue an art/craft... with no past background in the arts or how to run small businesses. This decision has affected my marriage in so many ways due to the financial stress and my obsession. Now I've lost all interest in this craft and am struggling to figure out what to do next. I feel like I've been deluded.... that damn pursuit for fame and glory. What was I thinking?? I feel like I was blind and I can't figure out who that person was that did this.

Do other people have these moments where everything becomes more clear??

[Skeezyks]

Oh yes. When these flashes of sudden clarity come upon me, they take my breath away. I have no idea who I was or what I thought I was doing. Sadly, in my case, it's too late to do anything about any of it. It all just is what it is.

[Woolly Bugger]

Yes, absolutely. But the clarity is false and only lasts for a short while. Cloudy perception is the real reality.

[bukowski06]

Wow reading about your experience, this sounds almost exactly like what happened to my husband a few months ago as well. He is in a state where he is moving forward now too. He is not returning to the same profession however. I think the stress prior to the episode is what is keeping him away now. I think it's ok to have a "meanwhile" job while you figure out what your next step is. I tell my husband that it's ok to take time for yourself to heal.

[UpDownAround]

I want my fog to clear but I should be careful what I wish for.

Sometimes you have to find your way by the light of the bridges that burn.

Up until midnight spouting things I think are profound with all sorts of stuff bouncing around in my head and a big ol' grin on my face. Better than being depressed...

[Sunflower123]

Yes, I've had this experience. I've been on Wellbutrin for a few years along with other things. My doctor added Abilify a few weeks ago and I've been stable more or less since then. I also have clarity on things. I hope it continues.

[5150DirtDiva]

Oh yes. It usually leads to mania or depression depending on what becomes clear.

[fishin fool]

Been there before, meds have cleared my thought process quite a bit but
dwelling on some of the things I did in the past tends to start my depression
all over again. I look back and say "how did I let that happen, that is not me"

I've been much more clear headed, able to think, rationalize and conclude at a far superior rate than I have in a long, long, long time. I might be a little hypomanic or hopefully it's the Saphris actually working and I'm seeing a glimpse of my real self and true possibilities. It's like I go to sleep for long periods sometimes.....I live in a fog of disconnect, numbness and disjointed thoughts. As someone mentioned prior, I've had times when I thought I saw the world clearly, had all the answers and it was ALL WRONG and pure mania so I guess we should both be careful. I hope the clarity you have now is true and brings positive things into your life. (((Hugs)))

[mossanimal]

Thanks for all the input folks. I feel like depression could result from my 'clarity' if it hasn't already. I've been sleeping like I haven't for a long, long time for one thing. Which doesn't feel normal for me. And the whole lack of interest thing yada yada.

My manic 'clarity' was definitely flawed. I saw a lot of connections that led to trouble and extreme change in focus.. i.e. hyper-focus on the wrong things. The idea that THIS is the ticket to success, etc. Not.

Right now.. in general... I'm focused on the right things, way more responsible, way less impulsive, losing weight due to lack of binge eating, less racing thoughts. lots of good things. On the negative... very dispassionate about my work and life in general, just want to watch movies. Still lingering 'death wish fantasies' due to a sense of hopelessness (I don't see my career improving.. which will lead to marital problems). So.. I'm assuming that I'm simply experiencing situational depression due to, well... my situation. Although... depression has typically hit me this time of year in the past (I'm just about at the anniversary of hospitalization due to depression). And there is so much good in my life.. awesome wife, awesome kids, living in a beautiful place, doing awesome things with family.. island hopping on new boat, backpacking... stuff like that. I don't know.. I guess I'm 'normal-depressed'. In the past I was mixed with anxiety/depression and mania at the worst times. I wish I could get back to the early stages of the mania that led to my current career... manic drive for success, hyper-focus, rocket to top, non-stop selling myself... actual income. If I could maintain that without going too high... It might work. But I've been a sinking ship for the last two years.

Sorry for rambling.