Let's talk mania

Lol! Too funny!

Well its true. Take it or leave it.
I realized I had a grandiose sense of self worth wayyy after I ruined everything around me just because I blamed everyone else for everything that could possibly happen.
Simple symptoms.

Definitely true; my post was sarcasm. It is an odd symptom. We all get depressed and while it is the same in a very general sense the details of what we think about vary widely. But when get manic, it seems that most of us share some fairly specific thought patterns. I make it even worse because a by product of my racing thoughts is that my speech cannot keep up so I just randomly skip ahead without realizing it. So after a complex explanation where I did this a half dozen times, having everyone looking at me with their mouths open should be expected (and not for the reason I surmise at the time).

Oh okay I understand! Yeah it's weird how many symptoms I'm noticing I have. This is a new diagnosis and everything I've researched so far is relatable. I wish there were more people open about their manic episodes.

People are fairly open here, since we have a reasonable expectation of anonymity. I do understand why some people don't want to talk about things they have done while manic; I did some things long ago when I mixed mania with euphorics and psychedelics in my teens that I would be very reluctant to reveal if they were recent. IME, mania most commonly elevates your mood and gives you energy. Turning you into a really crusty curmudgeon is a distant second.

If you are lucky, you will have 3 states - manic, depressed and stable. My 3 states are manic, depressed and denial. Seriously, not all of us stabilize; the closest I come is being only moderately depressed or slightly hypomanic. I prefer the slightly hypo option, but I think others prefer the moderately depressed option (actually, I am almost certain of it).

When I am moderately depressed, I can hold up the facade of being okay pretty well and I quietly do what I need to (haven't lost all motivation as I do when I suffer major depression) but it sucks for me. When I am slightly hypomanic, I have a lot of motivation and energy and an elevated mood. I smile and laugh a lot. I also say some things that are inappropriate and get a little arrogant at times (I try to reign that in).

I guess I have a lot more symptoms of mania. I have a hard time remembering things. I don't know whether I choose to forget or lithium messed me up. I think it's the ladder. My uncle has bp 1 my brother also. My son was hospitalized at 13 and diagnosed bp 1 and at 26 is unmedicated and doing pretty well. 3 psychiatrists have diagnosed me bp 1 over the last 10 years. I guess I just get pissed and have denial and blame myself. Also in a major depression right now and afraid the slightest nudge is going to send me to the hospital so not really putting things together right now. Maybe not even making sense.

Yeah I totally understand why someone wouldn't want to share something they're ashamed of doing or just don't feel comfortable talking about while they're in mania. I appreciate these responses, and I agree.

I do believe my mother and brother also are bipolar and it sucks when a person is in denial about it. They do not want to seek help and are extremely arrogant towards accepting how they treat others. I'm glad that even though it took me a while I can look back and admit I've done wrong.

I've completely ruined a relationship I had with someone I loved and can't take anything back. It's tough. But coming here and reading others stories and triumphs is helping me cope through accepting all of these things I've undeniably caused.

I've heard good things about lithium - how does it make you feel?
Why do you think it's messed you up?

Lithium really worked for me but I couldn't take the side effects. Memory loss, loss of word recall, tics. Those are the ones I remember. The tics went away but the memory loss and ability to find the right words and express myself remain. It takes me forever sometimes just to write out a reply.

That sucks I hope you try something else if possible. And thanks for the reply. I hope things get better. Idk if any medication is worth losing memory over...