I don't know.

I don't really know what's going on right now. I think maybe I'm stabilizing a little bit. My energy is not as high today. In fact I'd love to take a nap but my mind is still racing a bit and won't let me sleep. But I could be tired because I took 200mg of trazadone last night and still didn't fall asleep until 3am. I don't know what I'm supposed to do to sleep normally again.

Mood wise I was euphoric, then switched to irritated, then mellowed out and felt normal. Then back to euphoria then back to irritable af. Rage cleaned. Now I'm feeling restless but I really just want to sleep!!!

I haven't taken the depakote yet. I'm going out tonight for some drinks. Can't mix depakote and alcohol. If I'm still unstable tomorrow I will take it and give up drinking excessively for the time being. It'll be weird to not get drunk every weekend but it's probably for the best. Drinking won't help me stabilize. It was fine when I was stable but best to lay off for now. One last hurrah tonight though.

I'm hoping I don't need the depakote. I'm worried about gaining weight. I absolutely cannot afford to gain any more weight. If I do have to go on it I'm going to try to stick to low carb as much as possible. Although I'm still not eating right. I'm basically forcing down food because I have to. I don't WANT to eat at all.

I hope the lower energy and the relatively mild hypomania means I'm leveling out.

From what I've read Depakote doesn't usually cause weight gain until you are past 1000-1500 mg. So hopefully you can keep your dose low enough to not have trouble.

Sounds like you are rapid cycling.

You are in what I call "shytville"

Your not up for long not down for long , Not hellish mixed (possibly still)

Glad your not mixing alcohol with Depakote

Just go day by day. Stability is on its way

Well I had a great night out so I'm feeling pretty good. Not even close to sleeping but it's 1:30am, way too late for trazadone. Hopefully I'll fall asleep eventually.

So I fell asleep pretty quickly (by 2am) but I woke up at 5am like seriously wtf is my problem why can't I sleep why can't I eat I hate this!!!

I'm gonna start the depakote tonight. My nurse said it will help me sleep. I hope so, I just want stability again. I'm tired of this episode.

I hope the depakote helps you stabilize and you feel better soon. Sending big hugs.

deleted whiny ********

Maybe your physical issues like not being able to eat should be run by a gp? Just a thought that it might be something other than bipolar.

Maybe. If my mood improves but my appetite doesn't I'll go get checked out.

There's just no way I can finish this project. I have until tomorrow at midnight and I haven't even started. I am sooooo exhausted today I know I won't make any sense. I should have dropped the class when I could. But of course I didn't know I'd be dropped into an episode after 1.5 years of stability.

I could cry I'm so tired. I'm irritable too, my son is driving me insane. He's so high energy. I'm trying not to be mean but I'm snapping at him a little bit. I feel terrible.

I really think you need to give the Depakote a try.

I agree about the depakote. It helps fast.

I took the depakote and I slept for 10 hours straight!!! It was amazing. I didn't wake up until my alarm went off. I'm so happy!

Good for you. Glad you got good sleep.

This is the most normal I have felt for weeks. I'm happy, but not euphoric. I'm calm. I switched to calmer music and don't feel the need to blast it at an obnoxious volume. I drove normally today, not speeding around making wild turns. I still don't feel like eating but maybe that will return in time. I'm not obsessing as much over various things. I feel like I can complete my class (even though I don't really want to). I'm so relieved. I hope it continues and I don't crash. Sometimes I'll get a few days of normal and then sink into depression. But I'm hoping all my meds will prevent that.

I'm hoping I sleep as well tonight, that seems to be a key factor in stabilizing. That was the most I slept in one night in weeks. I hope I can focus on recovering from this episode. I need time to regroup.

I totally ****ed up my assignment. I'm embarrassed. I didn't realize until now, and it's too late to fix it. But oh well. I'm not staying in the program anyway so if I fail this course it's not that big of a deal. Just a blow to my ego.

At least I did it instead of giving up.