Astable for months. bipolar 1

I am in therapy and do see my prescriber monthly. My moods are all over the place. I have no friends that want to hang out, ever, any more. I stay either very very depressed, with thoughts of doing something final or I'll get overly happy, nearly manic or hypomanic, and it's fluctuating several times a day. My thought processes are clouded. I'm physically hurting every time I feel down, but I already have chronic pain. I was last month released from hospital after SI. I probably shouldn't have been released and told them, but I'm keeping from harm. I exercise, which is a great feeling, but unless I do it 3 or more hours a day, it's not enough. I don't have that kind of time. I'm probably about to just pick up and go somewhere else, anywhere else. I'm 43 and not beholden to anyone and don't want a romantic relationship because then I'd have to keep that up. I'm mentally spent. I've been paranoid about half the time and it makes my anxiety ramp up like crazy. Help

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I too have anxiety issues quite a lot. You are in my thoughts.