[adlucem]

Hello. I joined this forum today. So, I'll start with an introduction.

I've been married to my (bipolar and very intelligent) husband for 20 years now. We've been through many ups and downs and handled many of them quite well. We decided not to have children so we could focus on keeping the atmosphere at home conducive. Despite being bipolar, my hubby had a similar career graph as mine in the software industry. A couple of years back, after we went loan-free, he decided to retire at the age of 50, doing only things he wants to do or enjoys doing. I supported his decision requiring only that he keep himself busy. And he does that, although he does not stick on with an interest long enough to develop meaningful relationships or friendships, which I so hoped he would.

He has been an extrovert all his life but now his world is shrinking. When I'm away at work, he spends many hours alone. It breaks my heart to not be there with him but I need to work to support my mother. That's another story.

What bothers me the most these days is that at social gatherings, usually with extended family, we tend to be isolated because of a few reasons - the stigma associated with the illness, a lot of the conversations center around children which we don't have, he is not doing anything that he can talk about. I am not sure how we should deal with this without withdrawing from society. We do participate in activities that we like, such as going for holidays, workshops, retreats, movies etc. But how do we continue to have a social life and not become recluses? I'd appreciate your thoughts and inputs.

Thanks.

[wildflowerchild25]

I don't have a social life so I can't weigh in. However I wanted to say welcome!

I see this is your first post here so welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit. Once you have 5 approved posts, you will be able to enter the chat room and talk to fellow members. There is almost always someone online to chat with.

[TRNRMOM]

Originally Posted by adlucem

Hello. I joined this forum today. So, I'll start with an introduction.

I've been married to my (bipolar and very intelligent) husband for 20 years now. We've been through many ups and downs and handled many of them quite well. We decided not to have children so we could focus on keeping the atmosphere at home conducive. Despite being bipolar, my hubby had a similar career graph as mine in the software industry. A couple of years back, after we went loan-free, he decided to retire at the age of 50, doing only things he wants to do or enjoys doing. I supported his decision requiring only that he keep himself busy. And he does that, although he does not stick on with an interest long enough to develop meaningful relationships or friendships, which I so hoped he would.

He has been an extrovert all his life but now his world is shrinking. When I'm away at work, he spends many hours alone. It breaks my heart to not be there with him but I need to work to support my mother. That's another story.

What bothers me the most these days is that at social gatherings, usually with extended family, we tend to be isolated because of a few reasons - the stigma associated with the illness, a lot of the conversations center around children which we don't have, he is not doing anything that he can talk about. I am not sure how we should deal with this without withdrawing from society. We do participate in activities that we like, such as going for holidays, workshops, retreats, movies etc. But how do we continue to have a social life and not become recluses? I'd appreciate your thoughts and inputs.

Thanks.

don't know if i have any answers but will give it my best try: i'm the hypomanic wife with a somewhat introverted hubby and we both are retired. for me, i can enjoy socializing with people only for short periods of time; we have a network of friends whom we've met at our health club and i make no secret of having a mental illness; i can be very outgoing and social for the 2 hrs. at the club and then i need a lot of alone time to remain stable; we go to dinner and movies and do some traveling and we both have adult kids from previous marriages, none of whom live in our state. i've found that men aren't as deep as women as far as their social interaction and what they are comfortable discussing: my husband plays golf 2-3 times a week and always tells me the guys only discuss finances, stocks, golf games, politics. he knows after 32 yrs. of marriage that i want `girl' talk with him which is different than when he's with his guy friends. maybe both of you are quite content with the lives you've created and maybe hubby is content being home and maybe you are projecting that he isn't comfortable or enjoying time with friends and extended family...to me it sounds like you both have a social life and hubby may be very content when you feel that he isn't.

[Woolly Bugger]

Perhaps he needs to go back to work. Not necessarily in the field he was in before he retired, but something meaningful and rewarding. Some sort of public service. Give him a chance to give back to society, develop new interests, and form new relationships. He could also volunteer.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC.

[~Christina]

Welcome to PC

[adlucem]

Thanks for the welcome notes. :-)

Woolly Bugger, your suggestions are spot on. He enjoys cooking and does volunteer on farms sometimes. Unfortunately, he doesn't stay with any activity long enough to form meaningful social relationships any more. He used to enjoy sports but after a couple of surgeries, that option is negligible.

TRNRMOM, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Your suggestion that that we are content and that I'm projecting that he's not comfortable is not valid. I would not have joined a bipolar forum after 20 years if there were only imagined issues here...

I couldn't see a solution when I started the thread. It looked like our small social circle is going to dwindle progressively. However, this morning, hubby and I had a fruitful discussion and had some ideas that we'll try out. One of them is to change the nature of social interactions that we have with the extended family in town (big thing in India) to make them more manageable, enjoyable, and meaningful.

I hope to see more responses on this thread.

[99fairies]

My husband has one friend and I have none. We have family that we call sometimes but they are scattered all over the place and I don't feel comfortable with most of them. I have no advice but just wanted you to know you are not alone in this.

I don't have much of a social life mainly because I get overwhelmed by too many people. I have social anxiety and now that I no longer drink, I've lost the way I dealt with it.

[Wild Coyote]

I have heard many people giving this book a great review for "people skills."
Here's a link to the .pdf :

http://images.kw.com/docs/2/1/2/2123...58_htwfaip.pdf


WC

[adlucem]

Thanks for the responses. :-)