[CloserToTheMid]

Hey guys, I am very grateful for this community. Thank in advance for you help and support.

When I'm manic, I say and do things which embarrass me. After going through this several times, I've learned to be on guard. But now I'm just not myself anymore. I'm very hesitant to talk, especially to people who know I have bipolar. I have this thing about being the poster boy for the good little bipolar. I'm uber compliant and am well a very high percentage of the time. I find myself going back and apologizing for thinking I've done something wrong when nobody even noticed.

This has become a burden for me and a source of anxiety. It's verging on paranoia. Yeah, I don't want to be a motor mouth, but I'd like to be able to express myself more freely again. It's affecting my work. I'm afraid to assert myself. I'm afraid to post on this site. I delete half of what I write.

Advice and sharing is welcome!

[emgreen]

It might sound like an over-simplification, but people in general are focused on themselves a good part of the time. As you mentioned, folks don't really remember or care about things that might have happened in the past, so there's no need to be paranoid. I'm sure deep down you realize this; it's just a matter of implementing it - which isn't always easy. Above all, there's no need to be self-conscious on this site! If I were to list all the stupid stuff I've done in episodes, you'd think I was strange! Good luck!

[CloserToTheMid]

Originally Posted by emgreen

It might sound like an over-simplification, but people in general are focused on themselves a good part of the time. As you mentioned, folks don't really remember or care about things that might have happened in the past, so there's no need to be paranoid. I'm sure deep down you realize this; it's just a matter of implementing it - which isn't always easy. Above all, there's no need to be self-conscious on this site! If I were to list all the stupid stuff I've done in episodes, you'd think I was strange! Good luck!

simple but true.

[Daonnachd]

I think emgreen has the key in that most people are so focused on themselves they hardly notice things. What's more, here we are a very forgiving and understanding bunch. Don't worry, we're a lot like you.

[Shazerac]

It's perfectly OK to be a motor mouth. Here on PC especially. We all have mental issues. You don't need to be a poster child for a compliant "good" person here. Thank you for this post.!

I've been hesitant to post lately as well. I have notice that when I feel this way it's because I'm struggling and feel fragile or feel like I'm failing to be stable or normal or whatever the f**k I'm "supposed" to be.

Bleh! Again thank you for your post.

[UpDownAround]

I do it all the time; it's just worse when hypomanic (I'm type II). I think I have a couple of different things going on. I am bad with boundaries and taboos all the time; why I cannot seem to remember to think through "da' rules" when in conversation I don't know. I am not bothered by talking about things that others typically are. I will ask people questions that are rude. My LGBT friends tell me I am the worst allie ever. When hypomanic, the arrogant jackass comes out to bray. If someone is offended and tells me or I notice from the reaction I apologize (unless I am really hypo), and I mean it. The unfortunate effect is that it makes it difficult to make new friends.

I am not sure that is any help other than to say you are not alone.

[Sunflower123]

Maybe you could start small like posting here more often and opening up more when you talk to people. Eventually the anxiety may go away. Definitely post on this site. Nobody will judge you and you'll find lots of support.

[CloserToTheMid]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I think emgreen has the key in that most people are so focused on themselves they hardly notice things. What's more, here we are a very forgiving and understanding bunch. Don't worry, we're a lot like you.

Most of you and about most things. Unfortunately I was attacked here by two members awhile back. I'm just now returning.

[CloserToTheMid]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

It's perfectly OK to be a motor mouth. Here on PC especially. We all have mental issues. You don't need to be a poster child for a compliant "good" person here. Thank you for this post.!

I've been hesitant to post lately as well. I have notice that when I feel this way it's because I'm struggling and feel fragile or feel like I'm failing to be stable or normal or whatever the f**k I'm "supposed" to be.

Bleh! Again thank you for your post.

Thanks for your encouragement! Yes, this should be a place where I can be myself with all that that means.

Overall, because of my treatment and my alcohol recover, I'm a better man than ever...according to my family. But I hurt so many people before. I think that's my biggest fear right now...hurting somebody.

[CloserToTheMid]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

I do it all the time; it's just worse when hypomanic (I'm type II). I think I have a couple of different things going on. I am bad with boundaries and taboos all the time; why I cannot seem to remember to think through "da' rules" when in conversation I don't know. I am not bothered by talking about things that others typically are. I will ask people questions that are rude. My LGBT friends tell me I am the worst allie ever. When hypomanic, the arrogant jackass comes out to bray. If someone is offended and tells me or I notice from the reaction I apologize (unless I am really hypo), and I mean it. The unfortunate effect is that it makes it difficult to make new friends.

I am not sure that is any help other than to say you are not alone.

"the arrogant jackass comes out to bray" lol