[boogiesmash]

I was super motivated woke up a little early this morning prepared my bag and said I’m going to do Kung fu. Then later started to get lonely and sad. I really wanted to kick this depression and enjoy the holidays. My iop therapist talked to me over the phone and I told her my issues. Basically I’m anxious, scared feel like a failure, too fat, self image/confidence to go to my favorite kickboxing class that I’ve missed for a year and to go out socially. I know why it is. It’s cause I’m fat lost my edge and have no confidence. I was driving home and said I’ll pick up my dermatologist medicine put something on the crockpot and go workout at least. Well got home and I’m not good enough. I chalked this day as a lost and want to sleep so I don’t have these thoughts.

[boogiesmash]

12 weeks. That was my motivation in the morning. 12 weeks till my birthday. 12 weeks till I transform my body. 12 weeks till I’m happy. 12 weeks till holidays. 12 weeks till I get to see my family for Xmas and hope they smile having me there. 12 weeks to prove to myself that I’m worth it and not a failure.

I can’t even stay motivated for 12 hours. How can I expect to do all this in 12 weeks. I’m trying a day at a time but can’t.

[Guiness187055]

You can do it boogie one day at a time

[boogiesmash]

O3f to bbad strat

Hiya Boogie,

I think you are expecting too much of yourself, and when you fall short, the bad self-talk and feelings of failure come rushing in, zapping any motivation to do anything. Maybe you could set smaller, more achievable goals that are easier to reach and more concrete than "lose weight", "find a partner", etc. If you ever want links to beginner level workouts, even as little as 5 minutes, feel free to PM me. Take things one day at a time and accept the fact that there will be low points - they happen to all of us and we just need to ride them out. Hope you're feeling better soon.

[~Christina]

You have to have a realistic goals !

Stop thinking your going to lose this weight and its going to "fix" so damn many things..

Eat healthy, exercise , can be a walk around the block if your too scared or feel bad going to this elusive gym.

Your only setting your self up for failure,,

Be realistic

[wildflowerchild25]

I would NOT give yourself a deadline of twelve weeks. That’s just impossible. I agree with Christina, you’re intentionally setting yourself up for failure. I think you’re so used to feeling like a failure that you don’t know any other way to be, and that it’s probably really scary to think that maybe you’re not actually a failure. Twelve weeks is not a good deadline. Realistically you will probably only lose 12 pounds in twelve weeks. And then you will feel like a failure. You’re NOT a failure.

It takes way longer than 12 weeks to undo 5 years of depression and negative thinking. It took me years to get my thinking back on track.

You need to listen to us! And listen to your IOP group!!! You’re TOO HARD on yourself. Look at all you’ve accomplished in the last 8 weeks of IOP! You’re not sleeping as much, you’re cleaning, you’ve started to let go of resentment. Is life perfect? Of course not! Is it BETTER? YES! Small accomplishments are just as important, if not moreso, than large ones.

I am proud of you and someday you will look back and you will be proud of you too.

[boogiesmash]

I think I am being realistic. I don’t want to be alone and losing 3-4 lbs a week would get me to where I need to be. Or close to it.

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

I think I am being realistic. I don’t want to be alone and losing 3-4 lbs a week would get me to where I need to be. Or close to it.

Slower, more gradual weight loss (1-2 pounds per week), is healthier and it has been shown that people who lose lots of weight very fast tend to not stick with it in the long term. Slower weight loss, on the other hand, has been shown to be more successful in the long term.

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/lo...ght/index.html

I know you are in a rush and want to see big changes right away, but that often leads to disappointment and feelings of failure. Be realistic.

Also, weight loss will not necessarily lead to you not being alone. There are many people in the healthy weight range who have a hard time finding partners. Think about the other positive benefits of weight loss, such as improved cardiovascular health, improved strength, etc. You need to learn to be happy with yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship, otherwise you will be dependent on others for your happiness and that will show (and likely scare them off).

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Slower, more gradual weight loss (1-2 pounds per week), is healthier and it has been shown that people who lose lots of weight very fast tend to not stick with it in the long term. Slower weight loss, on the other hand, has been shown to be more successful in the long term.

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/lo...ght/index.html

I know you are in a rush and want to see big changes right away, but that often leads to disappointment and feelings of failure. Be realistic.

Also, weight loss will not necessarily lead to you not being alone. There are many people in the healthy weight range who have a hard time finding partners. Think about the other positive benefits of weight loss, such as improved cardiovascular health, improved strength, etc. You need to learn to be happy with yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship, otherwise you will be dependent on others for your happiness and that will show (and likely scare them off).

You’re right. I’ve heard that before but I fail to be content with myself, I dunno. I’m bringing it up with my group. I’d feel content if I became the person I want to be, but it’s the journey that I can’t fufill, which leads me to feel like a failure.

[bioChE]

Dude! You’re already beating yourself up for things that don’t exist at Christmas, and it’s mid-October! If you’re going to pick on yourself, at least choose something you can prove being a failure at RIGHT NOW.

Like the others said, you’ve come a LONG way in a relatively short period of being in IOP and working with a new doc. Things are so much better for you than they were even two months ago. Give yourself a fukking break. You’re a nice guy. You would do it for anyone else. Now is your chance to do it for you.

The first reason I’m worked up about this thread is that I know you well and I would be this pissed off if anyone else treated you the way you’re treating yourself. Don’t just listen to others and do an Eyore, “I know you’re right, and I suck because I’m not taking your advice.” Fukking listen and take the time to internalize it. They’re telling the truth. The only one who can’t see it is you. You’ve done this before and you’re doing it again. Earlier this year you were going to have the perfect beach bod and we’re going to be kickin’ it in the Caribbean with a drink and a (or a few) beautiful women on your arm. Now summer is over and you’re repeating the same cycle. DONT DO THIS TO YOURSELF. You have come a long way in 8 weeks or whatever. Don’t discount the success you’ve had by setting yourself up for failure.

The second reason I’m pissed is that I see myself doing the EXACT SAME BEHAVIORS as you, and I’m pissed at myself. I don’t phrase it the same way or set myself up exactly the same, but I still set myself up for failure and then beat myself up when I don’t reach an unrealistic goal. Damn, I’m an idiot. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll listen to my own advice for once and start to get better.

Thanks for being open and honest with yourself. It’s having the effect of opening some deep, unhealed wounds in me, and maybe they can begin to heal by following the example I’m setting up for you.

Love ya, bro.