[Cocosurviving]

I met some online and thought we could become friends. I do not think it’s going to work out. He also has a mental illness and I thought that would help, wrong. Today he was going on and on about SSI, SSDI, Medicare and Medicaid ending. I told him I was just waiting for the end results but could not spend time worrying about it. He started talking about living in a homeless shelter. About him having no meds anymore. I told him I take my meds, use coping skills, do self-care AND I pray. I told him I’m not a religious person but I believe in a God and prayer...worrying does “me” no good.

I just had to go on anxiety meds three times daily. I’m not going to let the news stress me into an episode. He did not reply back. I do not mind someone telling me bad news. But going on and on I can not deal with. He asked me did I have a plan, a place to live after the end of SSDI. I can not deal with someone making me worry. We did not have bad words at the end of our chat.

Is it hard to have friends when you have a mental illness ?

[~Christina]

Yes , yes

[Victoria'smom]

I have no friends. My husband has 1. We use to have more but we're getting more and more secluded.

[Sunflower123]

For me, it is more difficult to have friends irl because of my MI and because I am an introvert and a loner. I go to the extra effort to maintain these friendships though because I think it’s important (for me). It is hard.

I had some friends come out of the woodwork that were moms of my daughter’s friends when my husband passed away, then poof, they were vapor after they did what they needed to do to make themselves feel better (bring me a casserole, take me out to eat, have me over once). This was nearly impossible to endure while grieving with SI, but I did it. Then they were gone.

Here it is 4-5 years later and one of them is demanding to have lunch. Forget it now. She has moved away and is just visiting. Why would I bother? She wasn’t around when I needed a friend.

Oddly, another woman from this group suddenly wants to meet up. She pinged me when I was extremely depressed. I was honest and told her I was too depressed. Why are they bothering me after letting five years go by?

I think being bipolar gets in the way, yeah. I might be more forgiving and just see people.

I’m pretty unhappy with another friend who made me feel like I was bothering her after my husband died. I just couldn’t stand being alone and asked if I could come over. I didn’t need her to talk to me, I just needed to not be alone. She had me over once, but she was busy her life.

I invested in one more friend after that, but my bipolar problems started up. Sometimes I could barely sit up I was so depressed. It made me angry later that she insisted we go out, and she showed up 45 min. late. Also, I was just all out manic another time we went out, and I ended up having to explain myself.

I need to see if I can get to stable. My bipolar problems have gotten worse, and I’m not sure I can manage another friendship.

I haven’t been the same since my husband died.

[Slightlydelusional]

Its really hard to have friends that bring u down. I have a few friends in horrible addiction and I cant be around them any more.

I used to be very sociable and have tons of friends, but as got into 40s and deeper into BP, I isolated a lot and now I just dont have a lot of contact with people who are my friends and just know people from my 12 step program who I really like.

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I met some online and thought we could become friends. I do not think it’s going to work out. He also has a mental illness and I thought that would help, wrong. Today he was going on and on about SSI, SSDI, Medicare and Medicaid ending. I told him I was just waiting for the end results but could not spend time worrying about it. He started talking about living in a homeless shelter. About him having no meds anymore. I told him I take my meds, use coping skills, do self-care AND I pray. I told him I’m not a religious person but I believe in a God and prayer...worrying does “me” no good.

I just had to go on anxiety meds three times daily. I’m not going to let the news stress me into an episode. He did not reply back. I do not mind someone telling me bad news. But going on and on I can not deal with. He asked me did I have a plan, a place to live after the end of SSDI. I can not deal with someone making me worry. We did not have bad words at the end of our chat.

Is it hard to have friends when you have a mental illness ?

Since you did not have any bad words and were just trying to help, don't assume you did anything wrong (you didn't). Maybe we are in a better place mentally when we are spending more time working on projects and being with IRL family and friends if we are lucky enough to have them. It is your choice whether or not you want to answer all his questions or continue to message him. It sounds like you may need a break from dealing with him and know it.

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I met some online and thought we could become friends. I do not think it’s going to work out. He also has a mental illness and I thought that would help, wrong. Today he was going on and on about SSI, SSDI, Medicare and Medicaid ending. I told him I was just waiting for the end results but could not spend time worrying about it. He started talking about living in a homeless shelter. About him having no meds anymore. I told him I take my meds, use coping skills, do self-care AND I pray. I told him I’m not a religious person but I believe in a God and prayer...worrying does “me” no good.

I just had to go on anxiety meds three times daily. I’m not going to let the news stress me into an episode. He did not reply back. I do not mind someone telling me bad news. But going on and on I can not deal with. He asked me did I have a plan, a place to live after the end of SSDI. I can not deal with someone making me worry. We did not have bad words at the end of our chat.

Is it hard to have friends when you have a mental illness ?

yes it is

pushing away people that you want in your life is very hard

I have the added disadvantage, that I am a very boring person anyway- with a very boring life.
it is very hard trying to be friends with someone- with not only mental health issues, but trying to find someone who will be friends with a couch potato.... not easy, especially when a few days later you just push them away.

but who needs friends anyway. I don't have many and I'm surviving

I've only had like 3 long time friends

bethany who died,

laura who argueed with me,

and someone on here- who though we've never met is a nice person

what do all 3 have in common?

they all have (or had) MI issues)

[bpforever1]

I have no friends my age. I lost all of them when I became ill. I don't mind though. I like my solitude and freedom. Of course, it would be nice to talk to others but I talk with people in my job. The man I'm seeing I believe has Asperger's syndrome. He is in his own world. I tell him about my life but he seems disinterested. It is ok. He is my lover and not my best friend. I like him still because he is fascinating. I could find people who could be my friends but I don't like to accommodate so this is a problem. I accommodate to my lover because I like being with him but this is about it. I understand how you feel about friends though. Most people develop friendships during their youth and while they are going to school. I never had this chance because I was always isolated and moved around a lot. So, the people that were my so-called friends left me when I became ill because we did not have much in common. I am not mad. This is reality. It may be best to be grateful for what you have. I am. I like being free and somewhat healthy and stable. I am not that interested in spending my life with others now because most of my life I have been alone. I am accustomed to my life now. I am thankful for what I have and don't really think about what I can't have.

[Teddy Bear]

I don't have friends just people on the internet

[UpDownAround]

Social awkwardness and being an arrogant jerk or a sad sack is tough on friendships. I tell someone about my MI too soon and spook them off; not knowing about it makes them think behavior is purely from personality so they quit making plans with me. Another thing is that people who have no MH concerns usually don't have a heightened awareness about interactions and sometimes didn't mean to make me feel like there was no interest in friendship.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by key tones

I had some friends come out of the woodwork that were moms of my daughter’s friends when my husband passed away, then poof, they were vapor after they did what they needed to do to make themselves feel better (bring me a casserole, take me out to eat, have me over once). This was nearly impossible to endure while grieving with SI, but I did it. Then they were gone.

Here it is 4-5 years later and one of them is demanding to have lunch. Forget it now. She has moved away and is just visiting. Why would I bother? She wasn’t around when I needed a friend.

Oddly, another woman from this group suddenly wants to meet up. She pinged me when I was extremely depressed. I was honest and told her I was too depressed. Why are they bothering me after letting five years go by?

I think being bipolar gets in the way, yeah. I might be more forgiving and just see people.

I’m pretty unhappy with another friend who made me feel like I was bothering her after my husband died. I just couldn’t stand being alone and asked if I could come over. I didn’t need her to talk to me, I just needed to not be alone. She had me over once, but she was busy her life.

I invested in one more friend after that, but my bipolar problems started up. Sometimes I could barely sit up I was so depressed. It made me angry later that she insisted we go out, and she showed up 45 min. late. Also, I was just all out manic another time we went out, and I ended up having to explain myself.

I need to see if I can get to stable. My bipolar problems have gotten worse, and I’m not sure I can manage another friendship.

I haven’t been the same since my husband died.

When I first started having symptoms was 2011 and I was 36 years old. I was heavily involved with my alma mater’s alumni association. There were a group of ladies I was really close to. After I learned that I had bipolar one. I was honest and told them. Well little by little I was forgotten about. I stopped calling them because I was always the one calling. I have since moved to another state. Now I really do not hear from them even though my number is still the same and so is my e-mail. When I go back to visit they act like we regularly chat. I was really hurt.

I’m really sorry you went through your grief alone. Consider a support group. I had a uncle pass a few years ago. My mom had a hard time with her brother’s death. She was having crying spells all the time. My mom went to a IRL grief support group. She said it really helped her.

Thank you for reply to my post and sharing your story.