[boogiesmash]

I’ve been posting. A lot about this recently and feel it so badly lately. Loneliness. Why am I alone. Is it my weight, my depression, my demeanor, my attitude. Hell I forgot how to pursue a lady. Someone help please.

[boogiesmash]

Or how would you like to be approached ladies. And how do I make it clear I want to date.

I think people use Tindr now. No rejection, right? You only are connected with the ladies that have swiped they like you.

I heard this from Simon Sinek

[CaminoDeOro]

I go into relationship hibernation when I'm depressed and single. Which sorta makes sense. It's not that I don't want a relationship, but I don't leave the house, sooo.

There is somebody out there who is looking for what you have to offer. The way I see it, you just gotta run the numbers by encountering as many people as possible, because eventually one of them will be a match. 90% of life is showing up.

This requires leaving the house, so that's what I'm working on right now. Personally I am not yet stable enough for a relationship/dating.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by CaminoDeOro

I go into relationship hibernation when I'm depressed and single. Which sorta makes sense. It's not that I don't want a relationship, but I don't leave the house, sooo.

There is somebody out there who is looking for what you have to offer. The way I see it, you just gotta run the numbers by encountering as many people as possible, because eventually one of them will be a match. 90% of life is showing up.

This requires leaving the house, so that's what I'm working on right now. Personally I am not yet stable enough for a relationship/dating.

Yes I'm trying to find a way too - lost a lot of weight so feel more positive about my body, it's my mind I'm working on now (although I may be going too far into weight loss if I'm not careful - got to watch that too)

[Sunflower123]

((((Hugs)))) What are you currently doing? Wishing you the best luck in finding someone.

[Woolly Bugger]

Stop dwelling on it. Having a girlfriend is not the most important thing in the world. Work on your physical and mental health. Develop some interests. Improve your self-esteem. Then the girls will be falling all over you.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

Stop dwelling on it. Having a girlfriend is not the most important thing in the world. Work on your physical and mental health. Develop some interests. Improve your self-esteem. Then the girls will be falling all over you.

But I’m missing being in a relationship. I miss having a girlfriend.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

Stop dwelling on it. Having a girlfriend is not the most important thing in the world. Work on your physical and mental health. Develop some interests. Improve your self-esteem. Then the girls will be falling all over you.

I have interests and am in good physical shape. The 'falling over' doesn't just happen unfortunately, wish it did.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

((((Hugs)))) What are you currently doing? Wishing you the best luck in finding someone.

Tried dating sites, on and off. I don't think I'm interesting enough or something. Don't really go out socially. Do go to some activity based groups but they are all with women who are in relationships - as is the case at work.

Originally Posted by Carmina

Tried dating sites, on and off. I don't think I'm interesting enough or something. Don't really go out socially. Do go to some activity based groups but they are all with women who are in relationships - as is the case at work.

From what I’ve seen (and keep in mind I’m only 26, so this may not be 100% true for everybody), a lot of people make friends through connections, just like people make jobs through connections. You basically know someone who “knows a really nice guy” or “my bff has a great guy friend who likes the same stuff as you!”

You just have to be open and courageous, and say, “hey, I’m looking into getting back into dating.” You’d be surprised with how much people will try to help. It’s just that initial fearful step that holds a lot of people back.

You never know. Maybe one of those women has a good guy friend even though she’s in a relationship. Or maybe she’s friends with a girl who’s brother is looking to date. But the only way to find out is to be open about your dating interests.

How about trying that? Same sort of advice goes for boogie for looking for girlfriends. It’s about utilizing your connections

[5150DirtDiva]

CONFIDENCE. That is how you let them know. Nothing turns me off more than a guy that lacks that.

[boogiesmash]

Confidence. I need to build that up again.

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

Stop dwelling on it. Having a girlfriend is not the most important thing in the world. Work on your physical and mental health. Develop some interests. Improve your self-esteem. Then the girls will be falling all over you.

He is right.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by 5150DirtDiva

CONFIDENCE. That is how you let them know. Nothing turns me off more than a guy that lacks that.

This is no doubt true but therein lies the problem. I have none (at least not in this sort of stuff - I'm confident with other - easier for me - things like research or presenting at conferences but not relationships)

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by 5150DirtDiva

CONFIDENCE. That is how you let them know. Nothing turns me off more than a guy that lacks that.

This is no doubt true but therein lies the problem. I have none (at least not in this sort of stuff - I'm confident with other things like research or presenting at conferences but not relationships)

The other thing I've noted that the guys with that sort of confidence often seem also to be pretty insensitive and often misogynistic. Not sure if I want that sort of confidence.

[~Christina]

You are so obsessed about having a girlfriend and that will cause all other kinds of stress, which right now you dont need anymore ...

Get yourself on the road to stability... You wont find someone if your a train wreck.

I agree with Christina, become stable and happy with life by yourself first.

How many women are going to go for someone whose happiness depends on having a partner, to the point of obsession, and does not know how to enjoy alone time? I worry if you only think happiness will come to you in the form of a romantic relationship, you will come across as clingy to any woman you try to date. Be happy with yourself first, become stable, establish a routine, these things are more important than finding a relationship.

Originally Posted by Carmina

This is no doubt true but therein lies the problem. I have none (at least not in this sort of stuff - I'm confident with other things like research or presenting at conferences but not relationships)

The other thing I've noted that the guys with that sort of confidence often seem also to be pretty insensitive and often misogynistic. Not sure if I want that sort of confidence.

My partner is confident, but definitely not insensitive or misogynistic in the least. There are good people out there who are confident in themselves as a person, but not a jerk. They do exist!

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

I agree with Christina, become stable and happy with life by yourself first.

How many women are going to go for someone whose happiness depends on having a partner, to the point of obsession, and does not know how to enjoy alone time? I worry if you only think happiness will come to you in the form of a romantic relationship, you will come across as clingy to any woman you try to date. Be happy with yourself first, become stable, establish a routine, these things are more important than finding a relationship.

I think you’ve told me that before. It’s just missing being in a relationship.

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

I think you’ve told me that before. It’s just missing being in a relationship.

I'm sure I have told you before...but you have made many of these types of posts before so it's not too surprising. Do you find making these threads is helping you to move forward or to make progress? Are you taking the well-intentioned advice of those taking the time to reply? Or are these threads more like a vent, and you would rather not receive any constructive feedback?

[boogiesmash]

Rather get the feedback and yes this is venting when I can’t get it out my mind.

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

Rather get the feedback and yes this is venting when I can’t get it out my mind.

I understand venting, and do it myself sometimes. It can be helpful to get things out there and to receive support and feedback from others. That being said, I caution you in venting constantly because dwelling on our problems without taking any action to move forward can lead us to become stuck.

It may be helpful for you to look back at the posts that you have made on this topic, write down any feedback that you would like to try implementing in your life, and then putting it into action.