If things go bad, I don't know how I will cope.

For those of you who don't know my husband is in jail for abuse charges. I just found out they are wanting to plea him out with a misdemeanor charge with probation and no contact for a year. This is the first time anything like this has happened and I am almost positive it will never happen again. I feel so depressed right now. I want to help cause I think the no contact order is way to much. I want my husband home and if he can't come home I don't know what I will do. I'm already fighting with thoughts of self harm and other dark thoughts come to mind. I just can't take it. I know I have to be strong for the kids and I have to work in order to keep us a home but I am ready to break. I'm freaking out and I don't know how to keep this from happening. He just pushed me, no physical harm came, but he did get in a fight with my son and barely connected once. My son beat his butt. He was drunk and know that ain't an excuse but it would have not happened otherwise. I'm falling apart and I feel like I can't breathe. I can't do this, I just can't. It is going to suck me into a deep depression and I will not have an option to go to the ER cause i can't miss work.

Will he go to Therapy by himself and you both have a T together?

Is there anyone who you can talk to so that doesn't happen? I know it's out of your hands.

First of all, it sounds like you are going through hell. I am so sorry.

OK, figure out if anything can be done through his attorney. I don’t know if you can do anything since the court might be thinking protect your son.

You can do this. You just throw yourself into working. Do you have a job?

I did this when my husband died. I didn’t take more than a week off; I just worked and did my best not to think. It was really, really hard, but I was able to get through it by focusing on work. It was the time at home when I would suffer. I tried to keep busy to keep my mind off of everything.

I went to a grief support group

Maybe you could go to a mental health support group? Ive seen posts here about DBSA and NAMI groups.

Oh vj, how stressful!!!!

I know the legal system hardly at all, so have no advice there. Wish I did. My BF has been threatened with jail time, and my reaction was very much like yours. It very much sucks when it feels like certain very important things are out of your control!! Hopefully there is a way for you to have input in the process. Good advice from the others -- talking it out and keeping busy. I haven't been able to think of any others to add. I'm thinking of you though...

How are you doing today?

I don't know, I haven't been able to talk to him since all this has started.

I'm doing better, but I am still very distressed. I have been staying busy between work and homeschooling. I feel run down and weary. I still don't want to do anything but lay in bed. I just keep pushing forward and do my best to hang on. I fear the worst and I don't know what I will do if it happens.

Reach out as needed, ok vj? That's what we're here for. I'm glad you're staying busy. Sorry you're feeling run down. Might you implement some relaxing self-care into your routine? Something special just for YOU?

Do you have a T? (Sorry I'm spacing that atm...) Fear of the worst is exhausting (among other things) and they might be able to help considerably with that between techniques and resources (it's one of the biggest helps in my T relationship, because rampant --justifiable, but still, out of control-- fear is a big problem in my life right now, so I really get it -- and I find their help invaluable.)

(((((( vjdragonfly ))))))

I second Innerzone's advice.
Please take very good care of you.

WC