[BillSamuels2]

Hello all. I've been bipolar most of my life, retrospectively, though i've only really known about it for about 9 years, when I was treated for the first time after a major episode. I didn't really believe the diagnosis then, since I am basically a very high-functioning individual who most people just think has a lot of great energy, but they don't see the darker sides of things and all of the irritability. I went off the meds because of a reaction and was unmedicated until just a few months ago.

In the spring, I had a hard time with anxiety because of the racist, bigoted political climate in the US right now (after 8 years of relative peace, at least domestically). This was compounded by the fact that my partner told me they want to try non-monogamy, since that is the way they have lived in the past. I have never lived that way, I really need a lot of stability in my life. Over the past 9 years, one of the reasons I was able to get by without a lot of medication was 1) i got a great job and bought a house and insurance and took care of a lot of financial things in my life and my partner and i got married 2) i self medicated occasionally when my partner went out of town with beer and weed to alleviate the anxiety of being alone.

I used to be pretty hyper sexual, but now I just enjoy the stability and calm.

A lot of people who are bipolar talk about non-monogamy as being a god send, but it is actually what really triggered me in the spring to spiral out into a depression, which sent me into a manic episode, which in turn sent me down into a very deep, horrible depression. This horrible depression is what got me into the doc to get on meds again. I'm feeling stable, i'm not self medicating at all. but my partner really wants to talk about this issue of non-monogamy and wants to explore it, won't give it up, and I just have such a hard time with it. i want stability. i'm 35 years old now, i don't care about sex with strangers that much anymore, i feel, since i slept with so many people in the past. i don't want to get triggered, i want to be reasonable, but i just don't care about non-monogamy, i care more about my career and my stability.

ugh. what do i do?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Bill: Well... I don't really know a lot about this sort of thing. But I do have a personal situation in my own life that I think is at least marginally relevant. I'll spare you the details. However... what I want to say is that, at least from my experience, people (including spouses & significant others) simply want you to be the person they want you to be. And the bottom line, so to speak, is that they won't really care what that does to your insides.

Perhaps that sounds harsh. But it has been my experience. You are the only person who is going to stand up for what you need & want. So you have to decide what is important to you & go with that. As long as you are willing to bend to your partner's desire for non-monogamy, your partner will be more than happy to let you. But if that is not what you want, not something you are going to be able to accept, then you need to hold to that preference. Might it lead to the break-up of your relationship? Yes it may well. And that's something you must take into account in making your decision. But sometimes you just have to make up your mind. I wish you well...

[UpDownAround]

In my world you can't be committed to an intimate relationship and not be monogamous. If the same is true in your world, you need to ask your partner if they want to be part of your world. Having a partner even consider anything else and ask me would make me re-evaluate the relationship; this is not something I feel like I would have to talk a soul mate out of. This is not a line in the sand for me; it is chiseled in stone. This is how I feel and I infer from your discomfort that you feel that way also. My apologies if I misunderstand.