It finally fell apart...

My life as I know it has crumbled. Just recently I have been diagnosed with bipolar. I don't know any specifics as to which type but if I were to guess I'd say type II. I hit major depressive episodes followed by periods of generally high feelings. Well.. I've been crying for help for awhile for the depression, and we finally found a medicine that seems to work (an anti-psychotic no less, used to also treat bipolar) and trying to keep it together, but it has finally broke. I know it's all my fault, but I don't really know where to go from here.

-I am suspended from my job for a month (2 weeks with pay, 2 without). That is going to cause a huge hardship on me because..
-I am in major debt
-In a depressive episode I totaled my car (was off my meds, I couldn't afford them).
-My marriage is falling apart

Everyone knows the absolute mess I am inside now. Yet there still isn't help for me. I'm not unstable enough to be hospitalized (and I don't even think that would help) and I'm not sane enough to get through the day without some catastrophe it seems or emotional struggle. I'm in a sad place right now. It's looking back and realizing somehow I slipped through the cracks for 26 years and suddenly it all fades away at once.

Anyway, on a side note -- could you guys tell me a bit about your experience being bipolar? My friends and family say they recognize it, but I don't see the "swings", I know I go into deep depression and when I come out of them, I'm just happy to feel OK. I don't know.. Just curious about A) how it affects you and B) How you cope with it?

I deal with BPII. I've been diagnosed MDD most of my life. Within the past 2-3 years, the diagnosis has changed to BPII. I still deal with very lengthy dark depressions. I am very rarely dealing with hypomania.

I cope by taking life a day at a time, sometimes a moment at a time.

The community support here has been very helpful.
Welcome to the BP forum.


WC

I normally have a lil Hypo then it turns into a ugly mania and bipolar shoots me out the back side into a depressive phase.

Hi Brentus,
Please know that it is not your fault that you have BP and are dealing with so much. I have many stories similar to yours. Sometimes I am so amazed when I am actually functioning in a reasonable manner.
For me, staying on my meds, seeing my therapist weekly and seeing my pdoc as often as needed, right now monthly, is what keeps me going. I had a major meltdown last May with awful consequences like yours and I am finally, just now feeling like I can trust myself again.
Try to take it slow, one day at a time. This is a great place to find support.
:Bluemountains

I was diagnosed when I went into a full blown psychosis. I lost touch with reality. But I was also re-exposing myself to some abuse I had been through. I didn't eat or sleep for about 5 days. I have bp I and ptsd. I cope with it through meds and coping skills. Dbt and grounding skills help me the most. I really love essential oils like lavender etc. You WILL make it through this! it's scary at first but you will adjust.