Scared

Oh sending hugs!!! Be safe today and I’m praying for decent sleep tonight!

(((((( wildflowerchild ))))))

Please be safe. You are loved and needed.


WC

Day is half over, have not seen the dr. Not sure I will. One group leader did say she would get my therapist to check in with me so I hope. And I hope my therapist can get the dr to see me. I can’t go another night with only 2 hours sleep.

I’ve been taking short breaks from group to blast my music because the music drowns out the thoughts for the most part. And their voices were grating on my last nerve.

You feeling like you wish your life was over is a real option that you are considering. It is not just an image that gets generated by brain cells. Something about not having to keep living really does appeal to you. You are not happy with your life. There is a reason for that. I believe that kind of misery usually relates to loneliness or feeling trapped in some way or experiencing some profound fear or lacking someone or something that you yearn for. Can you talk about that a little? It may feel too personal and private, so it's up to you.

Was there a time in your life when you felt generally okay? I do recognise that feeling this unhappy can stary very early in life. I was about 8 when I started feeling that things weren't right. Sometimes a bad experience or tragic loss turns life sour, but not always. For me there was no single event.

This is why I encourage you to own what goes on inside your head, however foreign it may seem. Not that everything there is totally under your control. We can't help ideas that "pop" into our head. Our minds are very suggestable. What we are exposed to leaves impressions. Sometimes these pop up in dreams. Memories present themselves, even of things we'ld rather forget. We can't divorce ourselves from our histories.

What do you wish was different for you, if you can share it?

I wish I had more control over the mood swings. I feel powerless against them.

Only 50 minutes left. I am doubting I will get any help today. I was panicking before thinking I’d have to go home with no prns to help me but now I just feel like maybe I’m being too dramatic. Maybe this **** isn’t real. Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I’ll just white knuckle it through. That’s what I should do anyway instead of being a baby about it.

I don't think you're making a big deal out of it, it's a terrible place to be. Wish PHP had been more on the ball and gotten you in to see the doctor. The ones I've attended had seeing the pdoc as a rule on your first day. Hang on to every coping mechanism you have and keep in touch with your sisters in law and here.