Lithium and trouble describing what's going on

Hi all,

I started taking lithium roughly 3 weeks ago. This week is the first week that my blood levels show it within the appropriate range. Before starting lithium, I was not on any meds because I was in the process of the medication merry-go-round.

While off medications, I could feel myself quickly slipping, sliding and stumbling my way back into depression and the dark thoughts and extreme negative self-talk and thoughts. Luckily this extreme went away once I started taking the lithium.

Where I find myself now, is in this weird spot that I'm having trouble describing and I'm looking for personal stories, input, and just some help putting words to my experience. The last week, I've had two "panic attacks"? I use quotes and ? because it was more as if I was overstimulated by social interaction and just couldn't handle the noise any more but it had those elements of needing to run away and hide. If any of you are Rick and Morty fans I definitely felt Tiny Rick's "I need to get out. I gotta get out." song was very fitting . The closest thing I've ever experienced to that is a panic attack. I feel tumultuous and very momentum based inside. Once things start, they keep going but I don't know when they'll start or how they'll start or what feeling it will be started with. Almost like a compulsion to the best of my knowledge.

My last piece of this is, I started taking my lithium spread out through out the day versus half in the morning, half at night just to see if that might make a difference but so far it doesn't seem to have helped.

As I said, I reach out for your experiences, input, advice, and overall comments just because at the very least I wouldn't mind hearing I'm not alone and maybe someone has had this experience and can share what helped work for them.

Welcome!

I am glad so far the Lithium seems to be helping (ish). I am not on Lithium, but I have experienced the inability to convey my own life, just as you are, to others. It is like it is right there on the tip of my tongue! So frustrating.

I am and have been having very ambivalent thoughts about my gabapentin, like you are about lithium. I am not sure I want to stay on it, yet I am not sure if I have given it a proper chance to help me.

I guess I should take my own advice here, talk to the doc.....

I do not think you experiences and feelings about all these changes are uncommon, none of us like it either.

I used to have fight or flight experiences in public, especially malls and the like. I don't care much for crowds anyway but those feelings have gone away now that I take lithium. I'm on a 6/6/6 dosage so it doesn't make me as tired in the middle of the day.

My advice - just let it all happen around you. It's sort of like driving a car. We can't control the other drivers so we just do our own thing. Part of it is the medication and part of it is us managing our own recovery. Don't simply rely on the medication. Make it a small part of the recovery and then consider other strategies that will help. As for articulation, think *deep* and don't let the peripheral stuff get in the way. This is the story of Rajjing Incorporated and no one else.

Rock on.

I appreciate the input! Using your metaphor, I know not to control the other cars but I'd like to have some control over my car and that's not happening at all.