[99fairies]

My youngest son likes to be neat and tidy.If there is a crumb on the floor he freaks out till someone cleans the floors. I never really thought any thing about it until 2 days ago he came home crying because he got 15 out of 16 on his spelling test. He wanted to get them all right and I helped him study all week. Am I raising a perfectionist? Or possibly OCD? Not looking for diagnosis, Just advise.

If he cried over missing one problem, I’d say the world is going to be a tough pill to swallow for him going forward. He’s only 8 however so who knows. Maybe talk to a few doctors and see what they say........he needs to be easier on himself. (((Hugs)))

I would try to figure out where he is getting the idea he needs things to be perfect and reverse that idea. That thinking creates anxiety.

I would work on teaching it is important to learn the material and do well, but 100% isn’t necessary and wastes time trying to achieve.

Also address the emotional disappointment—that scores don’t reflect on who he is

[99fairies]

We are constantly praising him to matter what marks he gets In school. We encourage him all the time. I do not know why he is so hard on himself. But I am sure it is not from us.

[Victoria'smom]

My nephew is like that we tell him all the time that he's learning no one can get everything right when they're learning. However he's been tested and labeled "gifted". Now this is up to you but getting him evaluated is the first step to getting him help. He has a long road ahead of him and having an adult that's non mom or dad (T) can be helpful in life.

[Nammu]

Maybe teach him a few DBT tricks for dealing with anxiety? Could he be anxious about his brother?

[Sunflower123]

Bless his heart. If he is anxious, his perfectionism or OCD might be an attempt to control his environment to assuage the anxiety or fear. Just a thought. I agree that talking with him to get to the bottom of his motivation would be a good idea. Once you know why, you’ll be in a better position to steer him in a less rigid direction.

[north-polar-coaster]

My daughter does the same kind of thing with her school work. She's 9. She's a really smart kid, so I think she has it in her mind that she must excell in everything. Both her mom and I have degrees, but her mom was valedictorian of her class whereas I'm the one who took 11 years and poor grades. I even had bad ACT and SAT scores. So I use that to my advantage when I tell her that grades and perfect scores mean very little in school. I tell her, "you can come home with straight C's and D's and I'll still love you, grades don't really matter until high school, and that's only when you want to get *in* to college." My point being, try not to account for the possibility of perfectionism or OCD, just help him change his thinking into a more positive one. I flat out tell ny daughter, "I don't care what your grades are, cuz look at your dad, they don't matter, and I'm still successful! I just want you to be happy." My daughter tells me she doesn't want to disappoint me in missing any marks. Your son may feel the same way?

For me, I just want my kid to do her best and not sweat the small stuff because in the end, it really doesn't matter anymore. The falsehoods circulating academia sets kids up to win or fail, and if they "fail", they are supposed to be ashamed of themselves for "not trying harder". I simply remove that burden from my daughter in the beginning and so far it's working!

Hope that helps, and good luck!

[99fairies]

Like I said...we are very loving and kind parents. when he misses just one question, I keep talking to him and tell him over and over that he is awesome.And he did so well on his test.
He knows i love him more than life itself. but we certainly do not put him down ever. He is a very smart and caring person and very sensitive.

[*Laurie*]

My son was very much like that when he was a boy. I used to be concerned about his behavior. Once he got to university, he mellowed out, did really well, and life seemed to ease up nicely for him. He's 29 now, is still a high achiever, but is well-adjusted and a successful man.

If you're very concerned about your son, taking him to a therapist could be quite helpful.

[99fairies]

Nammu... Are you talking about my oldest having mental health problems? I don't think he even knows what's going on with his brother. We try to protect our little ones from My oldest son when he's having problems. He does not talk about his issues in front of the kids, just tells my husband and I.