[xRavenx]

Although I made an appointment with my old therapist to start seeing her the Monday after next, it seriously can't come sooner. I wrote in another post how the guy I was on and off dating possibly died by O.D. or suicide....
Something triggered me today when someone was talking about suicide at work, and I completely lost it and left the room.

I somehow made it through the rest of the day and closed my office door. I felt shaky all day and on and off crying, even while driving. When I called a family member at work for support, she told me that I am going to have to "get over it" and have to do my job. I just found all this out Tuesday, and I'm just supposed to get over it?? He was one of the closest people to me. I had just seen him about 2 weeks prior to him "disappearing," to only find out the truth and find his obituary a few months later.

Then, I looked in the mirror at myself and started crying, which is another subject. I had cosmetic surgery earlier this year, and now I am going to need a corrective procedure. I have to schedule a whole new procedure. I feel so ugly.

Possible trigger:

I have thoughts of cutting myself, like it would relieve something inside of me, but I am not going to act on it. My adrenaline is so high though

.

Basically, I completely lack support. I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless, so lost, not knowing where to turn. Somebody who I just met only 2 days before this all happened asked me to hang out, but I canceled, since I just don't feel up to it. I also have a tendency to want to please everyone, be strong. My mother keeps wanting to censor my thoughts and tells me what to say and what not to say to my grandmother, just because she didn't like the fact I was with someone "who had so many problems" and is embarrassed. She only cares about herself.

I don't know what to do to cope at the moment???

Oh xRavenx, my heart goes out to you...
They are straight up wrong in saying "just get over it". You know this, yes? You are entitled to grieve, and that takes time. As much as you need. It sucks that you didn't find out for months. I had that happen once too, and I feel your pain on that. It's a sucky feeling. Well, feelings. It brings up quite a few...

I'm sorry other issues are piling on for you. Isn't that the way? Mean ol' brain. Do you have some CBT or DBT you can throw at that?

In this moment, what to do... what appeals? Dvds? Music? Puzzles? Coloring? Bath?

You are in my thoughts....Much

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. You need to grieve. It's going to take time. I hate it when ppl older in our families censor us or tell us what to think/ say. I'm sorry it's your mom. Some of my sisters do that to me. You need time to grieve.

And I'm sure you are not ugly. I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Big hugs!

[xRavenx]

Thank you.
I am also wondering, do you think grief can also bring on an episode, if you are already BP? I felt manic prior, and now I feel mixed. I am doing a bad job hiding my emotions. It is showing in my behaviors, and my thoughts are racing. Does anyone here have experience when it comes to grief setting off any Bipolar episodes?