Damn suicidal thoughts

Sorry for a 2nd thread, but I'm having suicidal thoughts big time -- though I'm not even depressed or mixed. (Actually euphoric.) I just can't handle this physical agitation any longer, as it's driving me off the edge. It's such an uncomfortable, restless feeling that I've never felt before. I'm too revved up. Heart racing as well and thoughts zooming at a million miles per hour. I'm also not sleeping well, so I'm awake and dealing with this crap at least 22 hours a day. It's too overwhelming that I just want to die to get away from it all

I attempted to contact my pdoc a few hours ago, but I had to leave a message. No response yet.

I hate klonopin, so I don't want to take it. I'm afraid I'm going to hallucinate.

Sorry you are suffering Blue.
I hope you feel better soon.
Glad you've called your pdoc.
Stay safe.

WC

Its a good thing that you called your Pdoc ... I replied to your other thread about taking your meds as prescribed..

Stay safe

I'm sorry you feel this way. I hope your doctor gets back to you ASAP. Much support from me.

Have you just had a med change? It kind of sounds like you are describing akathesia which is incredibly hard to tolerate. I don't know but it might be worth asking your pdoc.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, energy and suicidal ideation is a tough one. Know that we are all behind you on this. Try distraction if you can- running, movies, music, cooking, anything to get your body doing something or your mind off of the ideation. I like to turn on techno loud and dance if I'm up, to soothe the irritation of needing to go go go.

I relate to wanting everything to go away and thinking there's only one way to stop it, I've been there. Think though that there are times when you don't feel this way, focus on those- they will come back as they always do. It's good that you are reaching out to us. We all appreciate you being here and being supportive and we hope to support you too through this. If you need someone to listen I'm sure any one of us would be willing to lend a hand.

I hope you start feeling better.

(((((((hugs))))))

Sending love my friend

Whoever said it sounds like akathisia is right. When did you start on the Rexulti? Any emergence of these symptoms that could correlate?

For what it’s worth, Klonopin is a reasonable avenue to alleviate several of the symptoms you describe, at least in the short term. Does it usually make you hallucinate?

Thinking of you and sending big hugs (((((((HUGS))))))). Please stay safe.

(((Hugs, bluebicycle))))
I am so sorry you are struggling. I hope your pdoc gets back to you soon, but please keep yourself safe. I will say this: a pdoc recently told me to be careful with Klonopin, because there's some data that in certain individuals it can exacerbate SI. Just letting you know, but of course, you can talk to your pdoc about this possibility. Lately for me, Klonopin sort of dampens my mood and makes me groggy.
Take care of yourself and keep posting whenever you feel the need.

(((((((((Bluebicycle)))))))))
Did your Pdoc get back to you? The state you describe sounds awful -- my thoughts are with you. I hope your Pdoc got back to you and something gets figured out to help you out.

I have also been experiencing that exact same feeling. I take 1 or 2 vistarils and it usually knocks me out for about ten hours. Usually I feel a bit better when I wake up, but if not at least I got some sleep and didn't suffer for those ten hours.

Hope you feel better soon, it will pass!

Thanks for your support, everyone -- I appreciate it.

bioChE, I meant to make the hallucination comment a new paragraph. Klonopin I know won't cause it. But it's too late anyways, as I'm seeing and hearing things, and I tried sleeping, but I've been up since 3:30am yesterday and it's now 1am.

Aliceiw, thank you for your detailed reply, but it's hard to distract when you're hallucinating. (I keep hearing random beeps coming in my left ear only, and this has happened before. I can tell it's fake because I know there are no such musical beeps like this, and why would they only come in my left ear? I just don't know if/when I'll lose touch with reality.)

Also, my pdoc never got back to me, but this is the usual. I don't think he gives a sh_t, honestly, as I used to call him all the time. So he probably thinks I'm annoying.

I can tell the hallucinations are fake.

I also "heard" a young boy singing the Hallelujah song to me in my car as I drive home from work, but there was no boy there. I mean, why would there be? It's only me driving home from work in my car, nobody else. Right?

I'm also not religious, so this can't be true

I just hope I don't lose touch with reality again

Thinking of you, Blue.
Please stay safe.


WC

Stay safe

Hey Blue, how are things going? Are you taking your meds? Has the racing thoughts and hallucinations gotten any better? Thinking about you.