[columbella]

Hi All;
I came to this forum hoping to gain insight on how to deal with my bipolar neighbor. This is not a new issue just an unresolved. For 25 years i have dealt with a woman who lives next door. She is related to most of the people in this clannish community and is married to my husband's cousin. over the years she has relentlessly accused me of everything, from stealing a watering can, which she later was observed smashing with a sledge hammer and stuffing into a trash bag in her front yard; to releasing her husbands hunting dogs and trying to shoo them away and when he asked what happened she told him I had sneaked over and turned them out of their pens. Then there was the time she ran off the road and wrecked her car and told her husband I ran her off the road, but she was the bigger person and would not press charges. Then there was the time she shot at me with a rifle, I saw her and dropped to the ground at the same time she pulled the trigger. She thought she had hit me and I watched her run to her car and peel out of the driveway, only to return with her parents a few minutes later. Her mother was telling her that all she needed to say was that I had shot first and it was self defense. If i lived no one would believe me since I had no family. She told her daughter that they would take care of it. I sat up and stared at them when they approached. By the way, I don't even own a gun. There was the time she invited me to home interior decorator party and later told her husband that I had stold their money, I saw her carrying bags of clothes into her house the day before. One day I was out in my front yard checking out my flower bed and her daughter walked over talked with me few minutes about my flowers and went home. The next day this woman brings a prominent realtor to the boundary line between her property and mine and tells the woman that she has to keep an eye on her daughter because her neighbor has "an unnatural attraction" for her daughter and "lures" her into the yard. Since that week my husband has done almost no business ($1,000) in 2 years. Then one day, last year, the woman's husband comes over and tells me that if I ever "go after" his wife and children again he'll jump all over me. I have absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
The scariest of all is now this woman, who has always had short hair, has had hair extensions put in and wears her hair and dyes it the same color as mine. If I wear a balck shirt and go out to work in my front garden, she comes out wearing a black shirt. If I wear a striped shirt, she will come out of her house wearing a striped shirt, the same colors. I went to an rv dealership and looked at an rv. It was too expensive. Three days later, this woman drives into her driveway blasting a horn. She has just purchased the EXACT RV I looked at and parks it right on the property line by my front porch and the next thing I hear is her talking very loudly into a cell phone about how she must keep the blinds down because I leer and stare into the rv. Now this woman has a 5 acre lot, that rv can be parked anywhere but I can't pick up my house and move it. Also, I bought a pot of mums, she went out and bought 12 pots of mums the exact same color. This kind of stuff goes on and on. She tells her relatives that I copy her. This woman is ABSOLUTELY driving me NUTS!!!!

[bipolar_bear]

I am sorry that you have such a troublesome neighbor. I wish I had some suggestions but I don't. Just wanted to let you know that I am here and listening.

BB

[columbella]

thanks!

[tracy33]

What a nut job! Have you heard of Rottenneighbor.com? You can post something about her on there. We posted something about our neighbor across the street who likes to take pictures of my husband when he works on his cars. She a nosy witch.
Sorry you have to put up with all that BS.

[columbella]

Thanks Tracy. I'll check out rottenneighbor.com

[darkeyes]

Sounds to me, that she has more than just Bipolar disorder, it is possible for a person to have more than just one mental illness.
Maybe the person that told you she has Bipolar disorder just used that expression? And if her family or your cousin's spouse knows this has been confirmed by a psychiatrist, do they know if she is she on meds?
If so either she''s on the wrong ones,too much or too little, or just doesn't want to take them.
This is 2007, don't they realize there are treatments for many disorders?
I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this, and hope you don't fall into the trap of stereo typing those with Bipolar disorder just from this experience.
There are different degrees of Bipolar and behaviours.
"One size doesn't fit all".
I pray that something can be done for her and her family, that will make life for those around them, easier to deal with, especially for you.
Take care now,
DE

Have you considered moving ? As unless you do then I dont think she will and this could go on forever....

[columbella]

Hi Darkeyes;
Thanks for the response. Do you remember Tennessee William's play, later made into a film; "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof"? There was a line when Big Daddy understands what Brick is talking about and says that he can smell the stench of mendacity.
MENDACITY = a system of lies by which a group is held together.
In this family that is how it is. These are not my husbands people but the family of the woman who married my husband's cousin. This woman's parents are first cousins. Her children both have developmental delays and when this was revealed through testing at the local school she put them in private school and when the private school told the parents that the children had developmental delays she homeschooled them. They were adminstred tests for high school graduation when they were 14 and they each got 100%. The tests were administered and graded by this woman's aunt. She has told everyone in the community that this was proof that the school was wrong! The problem was that her children were too intelligent for public school! However talking with these adults for a few minutes and it is obvious they aren't "the sharpest tool in the shed". Now, I do not dislike these offspring they are sweet .
The point of me sharing all this is : this person responds to unpleasant situations, inability or failure as something that can be changed by saying what she wants the truth to be. She is of the "if you tell a lie long enough, it becomes the truth" philosophy.
She once went to a psychiatrist, at her husbands insistance, and she revealed that the psychiatrist had told her that she was fine, there was nothing wrong with her and she didn't need to go back.
I know that mental illness is no different than cancer or diabetes or arthritis, that there is often a physilogical reason for the behavior.
I need to know how to respond in a manner that does no harm emotionally or psychologically to this person. She can be sweet and charming and speak in a baby voice one minute then turn on a dime at perceived insult and fly into a rage and start on a tirade. I need to understand what is going on, how a person feels when they are going through this. I want to empathize and not become angry or harbor feelings of hatred towards this person.

[columbella]

Hi;
We are heirs to this property we have built our house and have raised our children and are raising our grandchildren here. We are entangled in a type of family trust and cannot sell the land. My husband's family has lived here for over 150 years. I keep praying that she will move.

[Sultrysorrow]

So just last week my Psych Dr. diagnosed me as being Bipolar axis I/II cyclic.
I told my wife and she took it well, I told her after being the way I've been for the longest time. It made sense.
I've been married to the woman for almost 10 yrs. with this condition and we've had our bumps. But staying together will be I think much easier now that we both know what the problem is.

[102riley]

I have a sister-in-law with some of the same problems. When she threw her stepson against a wall, she knew she needed help. She is finally on meds and a joy to be around. I can't believe that you have endured this behavior for so long. I would move. I know, easier said than done! I would move to another state and leave no forwarding address. Just so you know, not all bi-polar people are like this. It could be that she is suffering from a personallity disorder along with her other conditions. She needs serious medication and immediate therapy. It is to bad that her husband, your relative, hasn't figured out she is lying.