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#1
Dec 20, 2017, 01:05 PM
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Hey all. Hope evergone is well. I have been riding the mood waves pretty well basically unmedicated. Had a couple close calls but otherwise in control
Which brings me to now and a sudden irrational obsessive suicidality that has taken over my being My mood is only mildly down and anxious but the SI has taken over. I have been suicidal even when euphorically manic so i know it happens even when it shouldnt but my question is what to do? I feel like my life is done. Ran its course. Like its just time But yet im scared of my own self because the feelings are picking up strenghth complete with constant images. Im scared i will become impulsive against my very nature to keep breathing
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
 99fairies, bluemountains, Fuzzybear, Guiness187055, pirilin, Ralau, Sunflower123, Vaporeon, Wild Coyote, Zigy, ~Christina
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#2
Dec 20, 2017, 01:07 PM
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I should say racing thoughts are also taking over as well as the desire to drop everything and flee for a,life on the road. Sounds are louder...idk i guess i could be enteribg into some mood state. Just dont know.
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| Fuzzybear, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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#3
Dec 20, 2017, 01:30 PM
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I fled for a life on the road while manic. I made it just over a week it was not fun.
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Guiness187055 Moderator Community support team |
| Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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 jacky8807
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#4
Dec 20, 2017, 06:50 PM
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Jacky !!!! I am so sorry your struggling right now, Its hellish..
Do you have any prns? if so maybe that can help rein things in a bit? Please stay safe 
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
| Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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| jacky8807, Pookyl
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#5
Dec 20, 2017, 07:13 PM
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Hey Jacky,
Good that you posted how you are feeling. What have you done in the past when you had SI? Do you have a number of a hotline to call or have someone in real life to talk with?
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BP 1 with psychotic features 50 mg Lyrica 50 mcg Synthroid 2.5 mg olanzapine |
| Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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| jacky8807
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#6
Dec 20, 2017, 11:21 PM
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Hi Jacky, if you have any prns they might help a bit
 (I do have some benzos which I’m not allergic to) Please stay safe 
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| Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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| jacky8807
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#7
Dec 21, 2017, 12:53 AM
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hey thx for your replies
So I missed my pdoc appointment. I really only show up to get the klonopin for anxiety and pretend I'm taking the antipsychotic. I have another one scheduled finally but I'm late by almost a month so right now I have nothing to take. Severe mixed or depressed or manic and /or suicidal I didn't do much but let it get to the point I ended up hospitalized. I don't want to do that . I don't ever plan on going back . I don't even know really but I guess it felt better writing it here because I cant talk to ppl in real life without a freakout occurring. Thxx for listening
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| Fuzzybear, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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#8
Dec 21, 2017, 12:14 PM
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I think the solution is just to take your prescribed medication. I think these specific problems would be addressed by your antipsychotic.
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| Wild Coyote
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| luvyrself
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#9
Jan 03, 2018, 05:03 PM
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Why aren’t you taking your meds? Maybe they’ll help.
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| Wild Coyote
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#10
Jan 03, 2018, 08:29 PM
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Hey there, jacky!
I am concerned about you! What are you going to do? WC
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May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. 
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