New Psychiatrist tomorrow. Feeling stone cold inside.

I meet a new pdoc tomorrow for a one hour appointment. From what I've heard, he overprescribes but i havent met him yet so i cant be the judge of that. I woke up at 2 am last night and felt awake. I felt like no need for sleep. But depressed, then anxious, then angry. Ive been reciting prayers and screaming in a pillow. I joined a church sunday, and since then people from the church have been calling and texting to see how im doing. Im a mess. I feel calm, then irritable, anxious, depressed. I feared this was a mixed manic episode with the sleeplessness, racing thoughts, depression, and smoking cigarettes nonstop. But idk if it is. I have a suddenly huge appetite. I went grocery shopping and filled the cart to the brim. Been eating super mario bros cereal and swiss cheese nonstop. My mom visited me today and said i looked dead, like a zombie. I was very snippy with her and she didnt stay long. I just want it to end. Why would God allow me to have bipolar? Why me? Maybe i will enjoy heaven more when i die, i dont know, but the feelings are real right here, right now. I cant stand one more day of this. I think i need a big fat dose of zyprexa. God help me.

Hopefully your psychiatrist can help you out during your appointment. Just remember to be open and honest so that he knows what's going on.

You do sound mixed to me, but whatever it is, I hope you start to feel better soon.

—I have to change also. I find it helps a lot to write out your psych history—so you don’t have to start from scratch. I include basically my life, when probs began etc etc. it really helps.

I think my favorite quote would be fitting for you. "God gave you this life because He knew you were strong enough to live it." Hope that didn't offend you. It's helped me get through some tough times. Big hugs.