I have my personal theories about Why Mental Illness Does Not Attract Sympathy Like Cancer Does, and many other illnesses do including the flu! On my post about the movie "No Letting Go," I wrote that the boy character in the movie who has bipolar was easy to dislike. I personally did not find him a sympathetic character, even though it was clear that his parents loved him, that he was suffering terribly, that he did not want to have the behaviors that were causing him and so many other people problems. SorryShaped, wrote this astute comment about the boy in the movie as I had described him, "The boy you mention wasn't causing trouble, he was having troubles that affected others." That's reasonable, right? Well, not entirely, in my way of thinking. Mental illness's effects on others can range from "just" being unable to contribute anything to the well-being of the household or family, to (as the boy in the movie said) "I'm going to kill you all!" to being just a 'nuisance," as many people I see walking around or on transit in my city. This would not apply to all people with mental illness, but I will say that in a lot of cases people with mental illness are not easy to like. They can be UNLIKABLE and unlovable. I think this may be why public policy does not address the serious problem of mental illness, by things such as funding further research on medications, and alternative ways to help us. It takes a very special person -- like my sister, who is there for me always -- to hear a lifetime from someone like me saying "I wish I'd never been born;" "I wish I'd just die soon." I know that, in the case of people I've known, I get so tired of hearing the same, same, same complaints for months or years, that I drop those friends. Those friends were people who took no steps to help themselves. In my own case, everyone who knows me well knows that I do A LOT to help myself, but the depression persists. (I live with ultra-ultra-rapid cycling Bipolar II disorder.) I wrote two long letters to a large list of extended family members, many of whom, though related, are distant relatives I don't even know. (Other cousins I do know compiled this list and write to us all about family history.) In my letters, I explained that I have bipolar disorder and was neither diagnosed nor got any real help until I was 54 years old. I advised the family that they needed to know that my brother has clinical depression; my late dad had clinical depression, anxiety disorder, and probably bipolar; that other family members have mental illness, and that these illnesses are genetic. (My brother gave me permission to reveal this about him.) I explained that the family needs to know about this in case any of them have symptoms that they could get help for, without suffering for 50 years like I did. And that if any of their children have signs of depression or other mental health issues, the relatives can be informed and get their child some help early on. The letters went out to maybe 40 relatives. NOT ONE PERSON wrote me back about it. When one of my cousins was a cancer survivor, with multiple surgeries for 15 years, the family pulled together for him! We all knew about his cancer symptoms and surgeries, and there were prayers and cards galore. But for me? Nada. Nothing.

[FallDuskTrain]

It is very unfortunate. I agree. Very inconsiderate yet a common behavior. Unfortunately until one has MI his/herself, he/she has absolutely no idea of the dark, cold hell in which we live.
There are so many reasons why people don’t show the similar care and compassion towards those suffering from MI but those reasons, in my humble opinion, are irrelevant. Please allow me to say that having cancer and MI are not the same experience; they cannot be compared. Both illnesses have their hell stages yet they are very different types of hell. I have had MI for more than 30 years and I am a cancer survivor.
I think the problem is that “why people do not care about those who have MI?” That is it. That is the question.

Dear FallDuskTrain, thanks for your comments. You are certainly right on, that cancer and MI are different sorts of hell, although I myself have not had cancer. Members of my family have, though. And you wrote, "Unfortunately until one has MI his/herself, he/she has absolutely no idea of the dark, cold hell in which we live." I'm sure you know as well as the rest of us with MI that there are those who would say, "Just get over it, already." I had a good friend who told me she pooh-pooh'ed depression until SHE got it! She took Prozac, and never again looked down on any person with MI.

But I stand by what I said in my original post in this thread, that the behaviors that many people with MI do, that "affect other people" are so -- what shall I call them - a variety of exasperating, heinous, frustrating, insulting, disconcerting, confusing.....so many things....that is why MI does not attract sympathy the way cancer or other physical illnesses do.

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

It is very unfortunate. I agree. Very inconsiderate yet a common behavior. Unfortunately until one has MI his/herself, he/she has absolutely no idea of the dark, cold hell in which we live.
There are so many reasons why people don’t show the similar care and compassion towards those suffering from MI but those reasons, in my humble opinion, are irrelevant. Please allow me to say that having cancer and MI are not the same experience; they cannot be compared. Both illnesses have their hell stages yet they are very different types of hell. I have had MI for more than 30 years and I am a cancer survivor.
I think the problem is that “why people do not care about those who have MI?” That is it. That is the question.

[99fairies]

You can't see a MI, but you can with cancer. It's rough I know. I was once told that ignoring MI is like having a broken leg and telling them to just walk it off. So sad.

[tecomsin]

That's a great point. There is one cancer though that doesn't attract sympathy -- that is lung cancer, where the first comment will often be the question 'did you smoke'. Per death lung cancer research is funded at less than 1/10th that of breast cancer, for instance, and this is true world wide, so there are big repercussions from the social stigma of having lung cancer beyond a lack of sympathy. I once went to a support group for cancer patients and opened up about having lung cancer, then another woman later said she 'didn't do anything to deserve getting cancer like you (I) did' looking right at me. So the lack of empathy even extends to other cancer patients.

Cancer patients are otherwise seen as being blameless, whereas with mental illness there is the underlying bias that it is due to a moral or other failure of the person -- maybe not the illness itself but the symptoms.

There is also a lot of fear of the mentally ill and the overlap with the prison population is significant too. And the point about the mentally ill often being unlikeable is also on the mark. Another issue is that cancer is in some cases curable, or it goes into remission, whereas no one talks of any cure for mental illness. I think the fact that it is uncurable is a big factor in the lack of sympathy.

Well, fortunately there are things that can be seen with regard to depression. Check out these PET scans of a brain when the person is depressed, and when they are not.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-pro...n/img-20007400

Of course, though, you are right that the "naked eye" and under ordinary circumstances, you can't see a MI.

Originally Posted by 99fairies

You can't see a MI, but you can with cancer. It's rough I know. I was once told that ignoring MI is like having a broken leg and telling them to just walk it off. So sad.

[Row Jimmy]

To most people, MI is not a "diagnosis" like cancer. There's no pathology and it isn't easy to describe or discuss. In many ways, I've found that discussing MI is just a chore to the people who are listening. It comes across like I'm whining. Thus, it has no credibility and that's why it gets no respect. Furthermore, people are naturally cynical and often believe people make it up to elicit sympathy. I'll usually get some sort of diversion comment like "well, we all have problems" or "what else is going on". Everyone wants to help out with MI, yet very few people actually believe it exists when faced with it directly.

[emgreen]

I don't want sympathy. I think the word you were looking for is "understanding."

[tecomsin]

I don't think you can elicit stigma and sympathy at the same time.

Sympathy is a synonym for pity, which I definitely don't want. I imagine cancer patients don't want pity either. Perhaps the word you were looking for was empathy - which is the ability to put oneself in another's shoes, to understand the struggles of another.

I agree with the above posters that those with cancer are seen as blameless (aside from lung cancer, as mentioned above), while those with mental illness are often seen as the creator of their own problems. I disagree with this, of course, but it's hard for outsiders to truly understand what we go through. From the outside, it may look like self-pity unfortunately.

[SorryShaped]

Understanding would be nice, but if they don't have it or there isn't a standard of it they know to recognize, sympathy is about all you can get. We can't educate everyone the same level on everything, nobody would ever leave class their entire lives.
There is a lot of money out there being spent on drugs for everything, including MI. Meds that affect the brain have to be tested much longer vs those that "only" affect the body. Unfortunately that system is broken. The doctors running the tests are being paid fortunes to do the testing and they can also get bonuses when the meds get approval by the FDA based on their studies. This money all comes directly from the drug company. I propose they dump all the research money into a general fund, disallow the bonuses and the companies are not allowed to know who or where the studies are being done by and at. I know that will never happen. There's too much money at stake.
MI is also a money game. There's no cure for it, or most things anymore, so the real money is on maintenance drugs. Keep a return customer base and you'll make money for life. That sounds like a drug dealer and it's exactly what it is. I have a feeling there are lots of meds that do cure things but aren't being released BECAUSE they cure, no money in it. I'm also a believer in certain conspiracy theories, but only those that seem rational to me, where money is involved.
I will tell you for sure that you cannot walk it off, but walking does help regulate better than not.

Row Jimmy, you are succinctly "right on," there. I get so tired of "everybody has bad days," and "everybody gets 'down' sometimes."

Originally Posted by Row Jimmy

To most people, MI is not a "diagnosis" like cancer. There's no pathology and it isn't easy to describe or discuss. In many ways, I've found that discussing MI is just a chore to the people who are listening. It comes across like I'm whining. Thus, it has no credibility and that's why it gets no respect. Furthermore, people are naturally cynical and often believe people make it up to elicit sympathy. I'll usually get some sort of diversion comment like "well, we all have problems" or "what else is going on". Everyone wants to help out with MI, yet very few people actually believe it exists when faced with it directly.

Dear scaredandconfused, You may be interested in more meanings for the word sympathy. I'm not thinking of sympathy as pity although, as you say, that could be one way to view sympathy. I don't view it that way, and when I feel sympathy for someone, I feel their pain, which I suppose could also be called empathy. But I'm old fashioned maybe -- the word empathy does not "resonate" with me the way sympathy does, and the word sympathy is understood by many people, whereas empathy is not so much understood in common language. Sympathy has many other very good meanings. There is a trend to discount and even stop using the word sympathy,which I think is unfortunate. I will not substitute empathy for sympathy, which is a fine word. If you are interested in reading one of the full definitions of sympathy, try Merriam Webster at this link. This one doesn't even mention pity, by the way.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sympathy

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Sympathy is a synonym for pity, which I definitely don't want. I imagine cancer patients don't want pity either. Perhaps the word you were looking for was empathy - which is the ability to put oneself in another's shoes, to understand the struggles of another.

I agree with the above posters that those with cancer are seen as blameless (aside from lung cancer, as mentioned above), while those with mental illness are often seen as the creator of their own problems. I disagree with this, of course, but it's hard for outsiders to truly understand what we go through. From the outside, it may look like self-pity unfortunately.

Thank you for your reply! I like the picture shown in this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...hy-vs-sympathy

It shows that sympathy is different from pity, unfortunately today they are often used as a synonym so I use empathy as a way to avoid confusion.

one of the theories I have is that people are aware it's more than a couple of days/ weeks of treatment.

with the flu, people will say oh well, I hope you will get better soon- because, chances are, that it won't last too long.. you'll relax, take some meds, and feel better.

cancer..... people can be like, well, I hope the kemo goes well, I hope you feel better, because again, it's an illness where kemo might actually improve your chances- and it's not going to last forever, you're either going to go in to remition, get the cancer out, or not survive

with bipolar, what are you meant to say.

I hope that you don't have it in a few weeks, or I hopee it won't last too long.. you're always going to have it, so I think that's why people arn't the same way about it.

and, it's mental.

you can see the flu, you can see cancer, you can't see bipolar

I think it's too easy for people to say somethingb well... just change your attitude, or a comment like that

I also think it has a lot to do with people's politeness and attitudes

they will be psympathetic to your situation for only so long

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Thank you for your reply! I like the picture shown in this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...hy-vs-sympathy

It shows that sympathy is different from pity, unfortunately today they are often used as a synonym so I use empathy as a way to avoid confusion.

Thanks for this article. I really love the picture. It reminds me of my sister comforting me when I am in severe distress, except that to really show that, the girl on the right would need to be sobbing instead of smiling in the picture. We also need to keep in mind that the article is written BY A PERSON from his perspective. It's a very good article, and I am glad he brings in the word compassion. But I do not agree with the author's premise here: "However, sympathy, unlike empathy, does not involve a shared perspective or shared emotions, and while the facial expressions of sympathy do convey caring and concern, they do not convey shared distress." As you've seen, the Merriam Webster definition disagrees with this notion, as do many other online definitions of sympathy. The root meaning of sympathy is sym (same) pathy (feeling). Or same emotion. Or at this link, together, pathos https://www.etymonline.com/word/sympathy, fellow-feeling, compassion. I also like it that sympathy is a historic word, and empathy is a made-up word by a German translator in 1909.

[Row Jimmy]

Originally Posted by emgreen

I don't want sympathy. I think the word you were looking for is "understanding."

Yes, quite true. Understanding is more like it........but it's tough when people (in my life) say things like "don't use that as an excuse" or "you're being dramatic". And perhaps I am.......but if so, then people need to stop asking me how I'm feeling or challenging why I behave a certain way.

Originally Posted by Row Jimmy

Yes, quite true. Understanding is more like it........but it's tough when people (in my life) say things like "don't use that as an excuse" or "you're being dramatic". And perhaps I am.......but if so, then people need to stop asking me how I'm feeling or challenging why I behave a certain way.

Understanding is a good word and a good concept, but it's hard for people who have never had a MI to HAVE understanding. So sympathy works for me. And oh, it makes me mad to hear "You're just being dramatic." What's wrong with dramatic? I grew up in a part of the United States where a lot of people are dramatic in the way they speak most of the time! Now I live where bland speech is the REQUIREMENT. Any voice inflection at all -- that's being dramatic around here. And that's not okay around here. There are other cultures, too, where expressive voices are the norm. Ever go to "meetings"? Or maybe public hearings or such things? The officials must have gone to years of training to be able to present themselves as so boring, when they (sometimes) talk about very important issues that affect a lot of people.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by flowerbells

Understanding is a good word and a good concept, but it's hard for people who have never had a MI to HAVE understanding. So sympathy works for me. And oh, it makes me mad to hear "You're just being dramatic." What's wrong with dramatic? I grew up in a part of the United States where a lot of people are dramatic in the way they speak most of the time! Now I live where bland speech is the REQUIREMENT. Any voice inflection at all -- that's being dramatic around here. And that's not okay around here. There are other cultures, too, where expressive voices are the norm. Ever go to "meetings"? Or maybe public hearings or such things? The officials must have gone to years of training to be able to present themselves as so boring, when they (sometimes) talk about very important issues that affect a lot of people.

They do have trainings, classes even, on public speaking and are taught to show no emotion.
I'm going to be dramatic because I'm human and I have emotion. If someone else won't be human, but a robot, bully for them.
There are times I become disaffected, robotic. It's usually when I've had too much of everything and shut down completely mentally. My docs have seen it and they were scared for me.

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

They do have trainings, classes even, on public speaking and are taught to show no emotion.
I'm going to be dramatic because I'm human and I have emotion. If someone else won't be human, but a robot, bully for them.
There are times I become disaffected, robotic. It's usually when I've had too much of everything and shut down completely mentally. My docs have seen it and they were scared for me.

Dear SorryShaped. You are so articulate! I've already noticed that in your comments, and this one is the best yet. I love what you say, and I CLAIM IT TOO FOR MY OWN SELF!! We claim: "I'm going to be dramatic because I'm human and I have emotion. If someone else won't be human, but a robot, bully for them."

[seoultous]

I'll take pity - "the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others". I don't mind someone being sad for me and, who can argue with some compassion thrown in for good measure. I don't think pity is a negative thing if its defined this way. Acknowledgment of the unfortunate circumstances of others - including those both with mental illness and cancer - is something I would welcome. Of course showing pity without compassion and action is problematic. So bring on sincere pity for me and my friend with cancer. If people are going to feel sad for one malady, I personally want it for all maladies (diabetes, alzheimer's, etc.). To feel sad that someone has to enter a difficult time and deal with it is something I find comforting. It says a lot about human nature.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by flowerbells

Dear SorryShaped. You are so articulate! I've already noticed that in your comments, and this one is the best yet. I love what you say, and I CLAIM IT TOO FOR MY OWN SELF!! We claim: "I'm going to be dramatic because I'm human and I have emotion. If someone else won't be human, but a robot, bully for them."

I appreciate being appreciated. It makes me feel nice and snuggly even though I'm alone. Thank you.
My words are for everyone to take what they need and leave what they don't. Claim, attribute, or outright pinch. I give them to all.

[SorryShaped]

I get no pity, compassion, or really anything in person except for my therapist. I open up to people and they run like hell. I don't do that as much, but it's hard not to want to be honest and open. I need to learn discretion. I let it be and am grateful for what I find online

Originally Posted by seoultous

I'll take pity - "the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others". I don't mind someone being sad for me and, who can argue with some compassion thrown in for good measure. I don't think pity is a negative thing if its defined this way. Acknowledgment of the unfortunate circumstances of others - including those both with mental illness and cancer - is something I would welcome. Of course showing pity without compassion and action is problematic. So bring on sincere pity for me and my friend with cancer. If people are going to feel sad for one malady, I personally want it for all maladies (diabetes, alzheimer's, etc.). To feel sad that someone has to enter a difficult time and deal with it is something I find comforting. It says a lot about human nature.

Wise words, seoultous.