[JohnnyGeetar]

Hi everyone,

I'm Johnny, and I was diagnosed as Bipolar Type 1 in late September of 2007. I hope to find encouragement & support here, and someday to pass those things on to other newcomers...but right now I'm asking for help. It is so hard for me to accept this diagnosis, but I know it's true. At the same time, its absolutely horrifying when I think about it because I look back and it's as if my life was screaming out "HEY! You're Bipolar! You need help!" all the time, but I nor anyone else figured it out. Bipolar disorder ran my life for 46 years. I am sorry if I sound like a whiner, but I'm scared because I have a brain I can't trust. I screamed at my wife for 4 years. Then I was diagnosed. Now, I cry like a baby and beg her to forgive me. The thing is, she forgave me long ago...it's just so hard to deal with the emotional pain I put her through.

Every time I read to learn about bipolar disorder it gets hard to breathe and I want to cry...and I often do.

I'm overwhelmed, plain and simple.

My thoughts are pretty scattered but I want you to know I'm glad I found this forum and I look forward to getting to know you.

Johnny :-)

[Cthomas]

hey welcome to pc. How are you today?
I hope much better. Being bipolar is not horrible. I take meds to stabilize. Granted Id like to do without...LOL but that wont happen for a looong time. most of us deal with bipolar, add, and other illnesses as well. so pc is an important community for all of us.

Please feel welcome here to discuss any isses/problems you need to question. or just a shoulder to cry on.

Welcome! I am going to be online all day. feel free to PM me when you need to.

Have a better day ok? We care.....
Colleen

[Junerain]

Wow Johnny, it sounds like the diagnosis led you to apologize to your wife and beg forgiveness....it sounds like the diagnosis did something GOOD, no? And she forgives you- wow- not everyone does!! And crying gets it all out, no? I'm sure we will know you here for many years to come....there are good things about bipolar like creativity and communities like this..it IS real scary at first....for me, I found out I was while I was in the hospital- so I KNEW it was true 'cause there I was, in the hospital... you probably had some hints along the way. You are reaching out here- and that's healthy- you're making the most out of something bad you flipped it around!! WELCOME love junerain

[ehrhar]

Dear Johnny,
Junerain is right about increased creative energy. I also find that my sensitivity towards people is heightened. There are some very positive things about being bipolar.
I am new to this forum too. But I like it. I've been going to therapists for 18 years. I like being able to exchange information with other bipolars rather than one on one sessions with a clinical professional. I get an isolated feeling by just going to therapy alone. Even though, I highly recommend therapy, just to make sure that all my tools are in the box.

[AAAAA]

Johnny,

Your wife has forgiven you, now comes the hard part, you have to forgive yourself. Easier said than done. When I think back to some of the things I've said and done on my mood swings....

The only thing you can do now is try to stablize and move on, you cannot change the past, try to make your peace with it.

I have been diagnosed since 2000. I still go into periods of denial where I think the docs are wrong. I usually end up not taking meds and going way up and then crashing. Keep posting we are all here to help.