It's not that I am incapable of doing things. I am doing things. It's just I'm only able to do things that are not crucial, and not able to do things I really should be doing.

My husband and I have a class on Thursday nights. It's now Tuesday and I haven't studied the course work at all. I have zero desire to do so. Part of the reason is because deep down I'm not committed to the reason we're taking the class. I have been feigning an interest in it, but deep down I dread the idea.

It's almost 2 pm and I'm still in bed. I've been in bed with my laptop since I officially "woke up" at about 9 am. I wrote two blog posts, but only after attempting to write about four other ones. I have had a number of ideas lately, but often have difficulty turning them into finished products. So I did manage with two eventually. I guess that's good. But I do need to take a shower. I didn't yesterday, even though I was sweating a lot when I was cleaning up. For some reason every time I do a little housework or cooking I seem to sweat profusely. That, too, is a deterrent to doing anything physical.

I see a new therapist tomorrow. My 4.5 year therapist is ending her practice, and I'm really sad to be losing her. I guess I should be preparing something for tomorrow. I did already fill out the office forms, but haven't outlined any therapy goals or more detailed history. I am NOT looking forward to regurgitating my whole mental health history! I'm 46 and my mental health history starts at 15 years old. I did provide the very very basics in the office forms. I'm hoping she just asks some basic questions that I can answer in a couple of minutes each, max.

I am on disability and am currently not significantly depressed, but not yet capable to start working. I haven't even been able to really do anything reliably outside my home. If this new therapist starts asking when I want to return to work, I'm going to feel like vomiting.

[SorryShaped]

It seems you're doing what you're capable of. You aren't doing bad things, which is a positive. Take your time.
What's so bad about this class?
New therapist means new eyes on you, a different view of you. This could be VERY good.

[Wild Coyote]

I can relate, especially today!

Actually, I can relate much more often than just today!

I could have written your post, except for blogging.
Messed up priorities? Check.
The "feigning" of interest? Check.
The profuse sweating? Check.
The therapist leaving and facing a new one? Check. Very soon, I will be trying to relate to a new therapist/pdoc. Mine is retiring. I dread some of the same things related to "updating" a new therapist.

Thanks for another great post!

WC

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

It seems you're doing what you're capable of. You aren't doing bad things, which is a positive. Take your time.
What's so bad about this class?
New therapist means new eyes on you, a different view of you. This could be VERY good.

Thanks, SorryShaped!

The class is a beginners Portuguese. My husband wants to move to Europe in a few years. I rather wish we could stay in my home state in the US. But it's too expensive here, especially since I haven't been able to work for so long. My retirement savings is practically nothing. Also Europe (specifically EU countries) would offer us certain security we may likely not have in the US. My husband has joint citizenship in the US and an EU country.

Starting a life in a country where we can't speak the language fluently is extremely intimidating at my age. Plus not knowing anyone, having to get new doctors, every day tasks. My husband doesn't want to return to his original country. I speak only a little of that language, but he's fluent, and has family there. My pdoc and old tdoc told me to NOT move, but they aren't married to me and they don't pay my bills. Nevertheless, the whole thing is scary!

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I can relate, especially today!

Actually, I can relate much more often than just today!

I could have written your post, except for blogging.
Messed up priorities? Check.
The "feigning" of interest? Check.
The profuse sweating? Check.
The therapist leaving and facing a new one? Check. Very soon, I will be trying to relate to a new therapist/pdoc. Mine is retiring. I dread some of the same things related to "updating" a new therapist.

Thanks for another great post!

WC

Wild Coyote, I'm sorry you are in a similar situation. I hope we both get past this shortly and that things work out well in the end.

Your last statement is very kind.

[SorryShaped]

It seems to me more that you don't want this change than that you don't want to learn the language.
Have you spoken with him about this?

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

It seems to me more that you don't want this change than that you don't want to learn the language.
Have you spoken with him about this?

I love my husband dearly, but he has a way of working hard to convince me that it's the only reasonable solution. Perhaps at one point in the future I can get him to join me at my new therapist's. My old therapist refused to offer couples therapy.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I love my husband dearly, but he has a way of working hard to convince me that it's the only reasonable solution. Perhaps at one point in the future I can get him to join me at my new therapist's. My old therapist refused to offer couples therapy.

Most t won't do both, individual and couple. If it's not the way for you, you probably need to tell him before it becomes the only way.