feelings of shame

How do you get past the feelings of shame?

The emotional turmoil I have put my parents through the last few months has been agonizing. I can't stand to see how its hit them emotionally and I feel ashamed of my actions. I want my parents to be proud of me, not cleaning up my mess. I don't know how to work through these feelings of shame and guilt and embarrassment

Well... one way... perhaps the obvious way... is to see a therapist. (You probably didn't need me to tell you that.) (I will just mention, by the way, that I'm something of an expert when it comes to shame in that I've have a boatload of it I carry around 24 / 7.)

The thing is, at least from my perspective, there's no way to block it or put a stop to it. It just is what it is. Of course, the first thing to do is to figure out a way to change your behavior & stop doing whatever it is you've been doing. But beyond that, what is most beneficial for me is to employ a practice called "compassionate abiding". Here's a link to a description of the practice:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

And then, beyond that, here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives on the subject of how to heal from guilt & shame:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips...ng-with-guilt/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/shame-...ave-it-behind/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/breakin...tive-behavior/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/stop-b...oming-remorse/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/mindfu...ng-with-shame/

This won't work, so don't try to attempt any of it.

Try your best to not repeat the chaos. They will see you're trying.
Tell them how you feel
Tell them what triggers it
Don't make promises
Take out the trash (if you can)
Do, don't, yippee

And to quote the worst TV show role model ever,

"We've done a terrible thing. If only there was a magical liquid that could erase bad memories"

Gotta love Charlie

Are you seeing a therapist?
Do you have a psychiatrist yet?
This is part of your mental health team. They will be on your side as well as us. But we are not professionals.
Get the help you need to get a proper diagnosis and keep posting here.
We will offer as much support as we can give.
You already have seen the support given to you in just a matter of days.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

@skeezsky,
Thank you for the links and Info. I checked it out and it is very very helpful. I am trying to keep my head above water and stay strong and sane for those I love. I don't want this to affect them anymore. Not trying to feel sorry for myself, Shame is just a very difficult emotion to work through.

@21SAB,
Thanks for the motivation. I have stopped the behavioir but it seems that some of my friends have reached out to my parents and it's like the wound being reopen all over again. Its hard not to punish myself for the last few months. I've felt insane and not all there. And yet totally normal.
I also don't know what quote that is at the end of your post lol what TV show is that from??

@bizi
Thank you for your reply. I have seen some of your posts and know you have a lot of your own struggles. I have seen so much support from strangers and its been so wonderful.....truly I don't have this support in my physical life because nobody has had to deal with a mental illness and therefore does not understand it. Hell I don't understand it. I start testing today on the afternoon. I'm scared but also really feel like I need some sort of answers.

does this mean you have a Therapist or psych doctor?
bizi

I currently have a therapist

Thanks for this thread and for all who posted. This is something I also struggle with and I am hoping to learn.

I think many of us deal with shame.

Here's an interesting TEDTalk on "Listening to Shame," given by Brene Brown:

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brow...ening_to_shame

I hope it is helpful.

WC

For me it's important to differentiate shame and guilt. Guilt usually means I've done something wrong. Shame means I'm a bad person. I'm not a bad person, but I've made terrible mistakes. I don't think you're a bad person either, because otherwise you wouldn't care about what you did or who you hurt.

Besides making amends with your parents (if that's possible), you need to forgive yourself. Bashing yourself over the head with your mistakes isn't going to help. It'll just cause more depression and anxiety. What did you learn from this? Are there ways to avoid this in the future? What can you do now to help not make these things happen? This would be work you could do with a therapist.

I can relate to feelings of shame and feeling like I have let other people down. Mostly my feelings of shame are directed towards myself though, even when it does not involve a feeling of letting others down. I am my own worst enemy.

Sometimes self-help sources, like exploring life coaches on youtube who occasionally do videos on self-acceptance that could be helpful or books. Therapy helps to explore exactly the route of these feelings and how family dynamics often play a role when it comes to these feelings, especially shame. I also believe that with Bipolar mania, it leads to things we regret, and then feelings of shame kick in when crashing into depression. All you can do is keep moving forward. Usually we are much harder on ourselves than we should be, although it is always good to learn lessons as mistakes come our way. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know it's hard and realize you are not alone.