Anyone else in a mixed moderate episode?

I’m so sick of this stuff. I wish it would just leave me alone. I just want to be normal. I just want to feel good but instead I have this raging tempest within in that wants to destroy everything around me. I’m tired of containing it but I have no other choice. It’s frustrating.

OMG yes. I'm "hiding" in my bedroom because I lost my marbles yesterday. My Dad doesn't want to know me anymore

I've gone through this time and time again with no end. I feel abandoned once again.

But I hate myself even more now because this time it happened, I let it "take over". I started crying then laughing and I'm so ashamed of myself. So sad today and I wish I had some rec-drgs so I don't feel like this. I feel like an idiot when it happens god dammit

I’m clean and sober and lowering my lamictal again tomorrow so I’m going to buy a vape pen. I’m hitting it with vitamins, minerals, and herbs. I’m also hitting it with nutrition. Luckily I’m a grown woman so I haven’t lived with my dad in two decades. I’m glad I’m not alone. This is my first one and I do not like it !

I'm also sober (one year) but feeling better now than I was on oxycodone. I take so much medication that the doctor said (his words) "I'm not giving you that because you're already on a dangerous cocktail" I chuckled with pure hatred towards him. I don't like getting mad like that, it makes me ... not me.

You should keep a journal and scribble a few words if you're not I the mood to be poetic..

I truly hope we can learn from each other

Um I’m an artist * poet writer singer * and dancer 🕺 . I’m hanging a painting up at work next week. I have dozens of journals.

I've been dealing with one for months now. Can't tell if it's the same one or I'm cycling in and out. Taking all meds and prescribed but still not stable. It's awful. My anxiety is out of control and I'm irritable, depressed, and withdrawn and I can't sleep well. I've been drinking off and on this week to try to calm the anxiety because I'm desperate for reprieve. I'm worried I'll end up back in the hospital if I can't get it together. See pdoc on Thursday. I just recently got diagnosed with the mixed episode(s) so they changed my diagnosis from BP II to BP I. It's real right hell.

I’m stable. I’m dealing with it with supplements , nutrition and discipline. I’m trying to follow a Paleo diet, my t says that’s healthy. I also take 250mg lamictal but I’m going off of it which is helping me get better.

You’re a professional artist? I wasn’t an artistic writer, even. More of an information processor. I’ve always been a bit jealous of real artists who can earn a living wage with their art. Envious. I wanted to be the Samuel Pepys of the 20th century but I lost touch with the world in those latter days.

A baby boomer diarist. I’ve long been the observer, the examiner, the investigator, the processor, the analyst. Never an artist, though.

***By ‘76, we’ll be A-OK***

I've been in an mixed moderate episode in the past and I was a raging monster, a total danger to myself and others. I ended up in the hospital. I hope things quiet down for you soon.

No, I'm not in a mixed episode right now, but they are pure hell for me too. I'm really sorry you're going through this right now.

I tend to hallucinate when mixed, according to my pdoc and my therapist.

Do you have anything you can take your anger out on? I like crumpling papers with extreme force and ripping them apart, then throwing them at the wall/floor. Like, "GOD DAMN YOU. RRRRRRRRR." And it hurts nobody. It also takes a lot of force to rip apart papers that are crumpled in a ball, so you're really letting out your anger. The great part is that you can get those 99¢ notebooks from Staples or Wal-Mart with 80+ pages. Or you can draw in them. Draw out your feelings. Sorry if I don't have any better ideas.

I used to just think that I was either depressed, manic or (rarely) euthymic, but learned about mixed episodes on this forum. I'm not really sure if I was in a mixed, moderate episode but am less irritable and wanting to break things than last week.

it’s not like that for me

I feel better today. I think I was just tired and stressed .

I just posted about this is another thread. Today I feel downright depressed (menses. Frankly I'm getting sick of qualifying this because I like to sometimes remain gender neutral, but d amnit, my menses ruins my life). Anyway, but prior to today, I was ...or well, prior to this past week actually, because I've been too physically down to be too up, so week prior I was experiencing mixed days alternating with moody days (one mood one moment then another during the second half of the day-like situational moods. It's like those moods overlapping a normal mood or sometimes hypo). So, yeah, but I'm still trying to define these with my doctors. It's frustrating because I feel like it's bipolar underlining the borderline and pms situational mood changes. That's how it makes sense to me, but will find out later this week what the doctor thinks. Sigh! I feel ya!

Oh, so as your last post says, sometimes I wonder if I'm just tired why I feel a certain way, but like today I woke completely rested and felt down in the dumps for sure.

I’m just waiting to see my p doc.

I’ve been in one for a couple of weeks. At least I slept 4 hours last night. It could be worse. I called my proc’s office when I stayed up all night and didn’t feel tired. Basically they told me to be compliant on my meds and that would help me so much. Geniuses. I’m surrounded by freaking geniuses.

I've had the notion that I'm in a mix state for a while now but I just got out of an appointment with my pdoc and he confirmed that I'm in fact suffering from a mixed episode atm. I'm not really that surprised tbh. I went from mania to depression and am now at a mix episode. My doc changed my risperdone to latuda but i was kind of nervous about changing so i didnt take the meds and he chewed me out for not taking them. i really just wanted to get off the risperdone and not start the latuda (because in all honesty i just want to be on a mood stabalizer), but he's pushing it and wanting me to give latuda a chance to even out my mood.

I’ll see my p doc next week and get him to explain my dx