[clydeblack]

Hey guys,

I'm new to the forum but wanted to connect with some of you.

I was diagnosed with bipolar eight years ago and though not hung up with the label, it has had a huge impact on my daily life.

Currently, I am struggling to stay in college (I've been trying to get through school for years with work leaves, medical leaves), but I really don't know where this is going. It's not that I am unsure about my path. I love what I currently do, and that is draw cartoons.

But, I chose to go to an American school instead of one in my country because of the opportunities. So far, so much has happened creatively.

School has gone seemingly well, but it's beginning to lose its meaning to me. Mostly everything is beginning to lose its meaning to me. Uncharacteristically, I just find myself lying in bed staring at the wall. I'm usually able to push through no matter how I feel (since I became depressed at 12). The medication also plays a part in suppressing my highs.

Some things have happened in the past that really affected me, and the other day I found myself with a tie around my neck just to see how it felt. I just don't know what to do.

A bit of a rant. Hope everyone else is a managing and possibly has advice.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Do you have a therapist and psychiatrist? It sounds like you need to talk t both of them to get help with how you are feeling Suicidal gestures like the necktie thing are serious and you need professionals helping you.

That said, welcome to PC. This is a good, safe place.

[jacky8807]

I agree with rainbow. The tie gesture is pretty concerning. Keep writing here but please contact someone in real life who can help you. Don't hesitate to go to the E.R. if you need it

[Guiness187055]

It's time to talk to a pdoc and be honest with him or her.

[clydeblack]

Thank you for your replies. It means so much. I found a psychiatrist in the US and am looking for a therapist.

I'll talk to them. I'm just so afraid of being hospitalized again and missing another semester. I honestly want to finish school, I just don't know how at this point. I've been fighting to stay in for 5 years and I'm still a 2nd year student.

If I do quit, I'll have debt. There's got to be another way.

Thanks again for your support!

[clydeblack]

Oops, I don't know if my reply went through

[clydeblack]

What I was saying was thank you all for your messages. It really means a lot.

I found a psychiatrist in the US and am looking for a therapist.

What's going on is that I've been trying to finish school for 5 years and I'm still only a 2nd year student. There is worse, surely. But, it's been weighing me down.

I have expressed certain things to my psychiatrist. For some reason I can't seem to get the point across. I don't know how to live with this. When I walk down the street I want to sit down because it takes too much effort to go places.

Thanks again for your responses, guys.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by clydeblack

What I was saying was thank you all for your messages. It really means a lot.

I found a psychiatrist in the US and am looking for a therapist.

What's going on is that I've been trying to finish school for 5 years and I'm still only a 2nd year student. There is worse, surely. But, it's been weighing me down.

I have expressed certain things to my psychiatrist. For some reason I can't seem to get the point across. I don't know how to live with this. When I walk down the street I want to sit down because it takes too much effort to go places.

Thanks again for your responses, guys.

So you are feeling very lethargic, discouraged and depressed?

I had a severe depression in my second year of college and had to take time out. It took me longer to finish because of the fatigue/lethargy, the lack of energy and lack of concentration.

I find I can live with this only by taking things day-by-day, sometimes moment-by-moment. It's still tough, but this approach helps me.

Keep posting. We are here for you.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Oh, and:

Welcome to PC and to the Bipolar Forum.

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please make yourself at home. Jump in wherever you feel lead to do so.
Explore the many forums.

I hope to see you around!


WC

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

So you are feeling very lethargic, discouraged and depressed?

I had a severe depression in my second year of college and had to take time out. It took me longer to finish because of the fatigue/lethargy, the lack of energy and lack of concentration.

I find I can live with this only by taking things day-by-day, sometimes moment-by-moment. It's still tough, but this approach helps me.

Keep posting. We are here for you.


WC

Sometimes I feel okay for about a day or two but then I dip back in. Every once in a while I might get hyperactive, but I don't get highs anymore so there's a bit less motivation.

You are right in taking it each day at a time.

Proud of you for having finished college!

[franz kafka]

I'm a grad student trying to get through with having a mental illness and I know how rough it can be. It's great that you're continuing to work at it even despite low energy.

Have you told your doctor about the suicidal gestures though?

[clydeblack]

So I found some doctors I like and explained the situation.

Cutting myself used to keep me from acting on anything, but it's become a huge addiction that I am trying to stop. Now I have nothing serious enough to distract me from suicide.

Thanks for your encouragement. I don't think we're meant to spend every day thinking about killing ourselves.

How long have all of you been dealing with your depression/illnesses?

[wildflowerchild25]

Been dealing with it off and on for 16 years. Exhausted.

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Been dealing with it off and on for 16 years. Exhausted.

You're doing a pretty good job already by being here. I think it's brave of you to continue on. It's taxing, for sure, mostly due to constantly having to manage yourself.