hypomania is messing with my food intake & my head

Long story short, I had awful anorexia while I was in college (around 1999 - 2001). I have been in recovery since except for a brief relapse around 2012.

A series of medical events (emergency surgery, plus the worst stomach flu I have had in 10 years) has caused me significant weight loss. Worse, I am having hypomania right now. When I get manic, I am not very hungry, don’t care to eat, it is not even an eating disorder thing. However, what is making the eating disorder thoughts happier in my head is seeing the weight loss on the scale, having clothes that were once fitted a month ago loose on me now. It is screwing with my head.

I did get more sleep last night by taking an extra sleep pill as told to do by my pdoc. However, my daughter woke up at 2:30 AM, super mad and depressed that the tooth fairy had not come for the tooth she lost at school yesterday (my husband & I totally forgot about the tooth). Luckily, she fell asleep again, and the “tooth fairy” came. But I couldn’t get back to sleep after that.

I went to bed early, around 8:30 PM, so I guess that was about 5 hours of sleep, better than the 3.5 hr the night before but still not enough to get the hypomania under control and help with appetite so I can gain some weight back.

(Sorry, I was not sure whether to post this in the BP forum or the Eatung Disorder forum, but the ED forum seems less active than this one anyway. Mods can move it if you like.)

Do you have a therapist you can see? Sounds like you're having a difficult time coping with the BP symptoms that the symptoms are triggering your old eating disorder.

I think therapy is the way to go, but definitely post here with updates. We're here to support you and help you in any way we can.

Sorry if my advice is crappy, but therapists can help you develop grounding skills for situations like this, and they can even keep you on track to getting healthier if you're willing to let them

I wish I had a therapist. I can't afford one, even on a sliding scale. Our insurance deductible is $7500, and I had to take an amulance ($928 bill), get surgery (over $1800), and stay in the hospital 6 days (God knows the cost of that). I have an expensive upper endoscopy procedure coming up. It's all I can do to afford the pdoc. Oh, and to add to our bad luck, our air conditioning went out. We live near Houston, TX and air conditioning is a must. Fixing that cost over $2500. We just barely have any money in the bank at all.

Also, and I'm sure this colors my view of therapists, over the 20 years I've been in the mental health system, I must have seen over 10 therapists and never clicked with one. I can't just go out there trying on therapists like you do new shoes; I can't afford it. Our only income comes from my husband, who teaches high school physics, and they overwork and underpay teachers (though of course, they pay them enough I can't qualify for any sort of disability or help with medical bills). If I can afford a therapist, I have no clue how to go about finding one I will like, and I hate going over all the old baggage again & again with new therapists.