[Jester's Rags]

Feeling really messed up. I had a stressful weekend. It ended with a 2 hour drive last night in the pouring rain. Let me say that Driving is my biggest stressor.

Anyway, a semi-truck came behind me and was flashing his lights. There was a car on my right and I couldn't go anywhere. I was just trying to pass...the jackass trucker got on my tail, like a few feet behind me. I have my wife and daughter in my car and I was beyond angry. I reached for my drink (glass bottle of starbucks ice coffee) and my first instinct was to roll down my window and chuck the bottle behind me. I was able to resist.

My wife saw this and began b*tching me out which stressed me even more. I essentially got the blame for this a-hole being dangerous. I was in quite a state because, how could I be the bad guy here. When I finally passed the car and moved over, I was really catching h*ll from her and my daughter. Both screaming at me.

Possible trigger:

I pulled out my pocket knife, and self harmed. More blood than damage,

but my wife doesn't understand that she added fuel to an already burning fire. I have trouble controlling my emotions, and lost this round. I ended up driving another hour and a half with a bloody leg. I tend to self-injure when things get to be a little to much, but this was really out of the ordinary and a bad scene overall. I feel terrible about the whole ordeal and wish I could have handled it better, but I really felt like the trucker was putting us in danger.

When I get overwhelmed, I can be a danger and I really wish I would have handled it better. I'm really embarrassed about everything. I'm a s*it person; a weak person, and wish I could do better.

We are all guilty of not handling our emotions in the best way sometimes. Losing control does not make you weak, it makes you human. You sound like someone who is trying their best to change where they can. All you can give is your best effort.

I get that same unfortunate impulse. Fortunately, I don't carry a knife (and have been able to resist at home, but I know how strong those impulses can be -- it's an awful feeling). Maybe not carryning a knife? In the spirit of keeping things we tend to have problems with out of our vicinity? Btw, I don't think you're weak. (The only thing that's kept me from it is a greater fear of serious injury and scarring to live with forever.)

[emgreen]

You're not a shite person as you characterize yourself to be. I could feel the stress you must have been experiencing as you drove with your wife & daughter with that truck right upon your arse. I've been in driving situations like that before & it's terrifying! Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Just a freaked out truck driver from hell.

As for your wife, I can relate. My ex-wife used to screech at me when I was driving & it made my blood pressure rise until my head felt like it would explode. Add the truck tailgating to the stress created by your wife freaking out, & I can really feel for you...not to mention that your daughter was in the car!

I part ways with you on the knife, my friend. If you know you have a tendency to "lose it" when that stressed, it's probably unwise to be carrying a knife. Please don't feel I'm lecturing you, because I can almost feel the stress you were under in that situation. I know I'm prone to suicidal ideation, & for that reason I don't own, & would never buy a gun. It's simple self-preservation. Time will get stressful for us both at some time (as they will for most everyone), but it's wise to make sure we don't have the tools handy to do something stupid because of emotions that will probably pass. Starbucks bottles don't count as lethal weapons, though.

Again, I'm sorry you found yourself in such a crappy situation. I feel really badly that you had to experience that terror & stress. Take care - I hope the feelings will pass.

[salsharia]

It sounds to me that you really tried and did the best you could. You deserve to give yourself some credit despite how bad it got. You tried.

[Victoria'smom]

That sounds like a terrifying situation I'm so glad you're safe. I'm sorry you had to hurt yourself to make it through.

[Jester's Rags]

Originally Posted by emgreen

& it made my blood pressure rise until my head felt like it would explode. feelings will pass.

This exactly. I don't know how to cope with this...I feel like I'm going to explode out of my skin. I usually find myself somewhere behind and to the right of my body when this happens. Not inside, but tethered to myself (don't know if that makes sense or not). and hurting myself is usually the only thing that brings me back. My leg is ok. There was more blood than wound; a deep puncture, but luckily no gash.

Thank you all for your replies. I really do try, but I seem to come up short so often. If I could just take some time away from all of my responsibilities and try to relax and center myself maybe I could straighten out.

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry you got caught in such a bind.

I don't yell but I do remind my husband to slow down sometimes. He's usually appreciative of that. And we've both had our share of impatient truckers with road rage.

If your wife and/or daughter have driver's licenses, tell them to bring them in case they act like this again. Then you can pull off on the next onramp and have THEM drive the rest of the way home.

[Emotionally Dead]

What you described can certainly be a dangerous situation. People don't realize how much of a life or death situation driving really can be, until it happens to them. A semi being involved just makes things infinitely worse. It's never a good thing to harm ourselves, but it's always better than taking it out on someone else. That's just my thoughts, so kudos to you for finding a way to cope without lashing out at others, even though it would be a good idea to try something different for next time. I used to find the same methods as you, but now I usually just scream at the top of my lungs or sometimes beat on my steering wheel (not recommended either).

[Shazerac]

It sounds like you were extremely stressful situation. And you did the best you under the circumstances. However, If you have a tendency to get over wrought I suggest you stop carrying a knife. Stabbing yourself in the leg is not something a child should have to witness.

[Mini2018]

I did something similar with a hammer I keep under my seat for camping. I camp a lot. Road rage is something I hate, but for some reason which I've yet to identify, MY SPACE on the road is mine. Its not until afterward I ask, why didn't I just pull over. My ex wife would have to tell me to stop and she'd drive now she's no more, i have a small picture of a police car on the dash pocket I can look at. It sounds stupid, but its helped me pull over. I often don't realize what's happening until the GPS starts telling me I'm speeding, so the photos next to that.

Just an idea that works for me. Sometimes its not about or can be self controlled Just like triggers can start something, mindfulness like the picture triggers me to stop.

And no, sadly sometimes it doesn't work. That's where I spend the next 28 days stressing when I open the mail.

[Jester's Rags]

No knife today. I've given it much thought and, as some of you were so kind to point out, perhaps someone with my tendencies shouldn't be carrying around a blade. (Sincerely. no sarcasm intended.)