[clydeblack]

I barely have any energy while I'm typing this. Just woke up from a 5 hour nap and missed a 3 hour class. Thanks to anyone who reads this.

After I struggled to somehow finish high school, when my bipolar symptoms started manifesting, I took a gap year. I was able to develop my illustrations and comics and land a few jobs in the industry, which was great.

Once the year was over, I applied to a programming school and miraculously got in. I kept doing comics even though work hours were very demanding (they "suggested" we stay in the labs 13h a day). After about a year and a half/two years I had to leave because I just couldn't manage anymore. I was starting to get more depressed than manic. That meant another year of working until I applied to an American art school and left to go there.

I've been here for three years now; had to take a medical leave in 2016/2017 with several hospitalizations. I was pretty much manic throughout all of freshman year, so classes felt easy and I was really all over the place to be honest. Then I started drinking with prescription drugs and my mania got worse. I was often putting myself in danger. A friend decided to take me to the hospital after the school year had ended because I was apparently speaking incoherently etc...

Now I'm a sophomore and made it through the 2017 Fall semester. All I have to do is somehow finish 2018 Spring. I finished Fall because I also self-injure quite a bit and that's how a got through it. At the end of I had suicidal plans and was nearly hospitalized by the school.

I'm tired of resorting to suicide, and my self-harm gets worse every time I face pressure (it's like a compulsion that's really difficult to stop).

Ideally, I'd love to focus on my comics while keeping my day job. Going to conventions and hopefully publishing. I could also try and join a program and get more therapy. But, that would mean not having a degree.

My question is, is it all worth it? Finishing the next two years of school sounds like a nightmare. I just don't know how to beat the pain that comes with it...

Have any of you had similar experiences or opinions on the subject?

I feel so stuck and don't know where to go.

[Victoria'smom]

I tried for so many years at countless schools. I always started with "Now I have my **** all together. I can do this!" by the end I'm failing and almost hospitalized. Here's my advice that I would not have taken starting out.

Get accommodation

Take only part time, you can get accommodations to live on campus while only being part time

Go after an AS/AAS first (If you can switch to an AA,AS, or AAS now even if you have a semester left do that. It's better to have something then just a bunch of credits.)

Regularly see a therapist

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I tried for so many years at countless schools. I always started with "Now I have my **** all together. I can do this!" by the end I'm failing and almost hospitalized. Here's my advice that I would not have taken starting out.

Get accommodation

Take only part time, you can get accommodations to live on campus while only being part time

Go after an AS/AAS first (If you can switch to an AA,AS, or AAS now even if you have a semester left do that. It's better to have something then just a bunch of credits.)

Regularly see a therapist

Thanks for the advice. The only issue is that my school takes away all of your scholarships and financial aid if you go part-time (it feels like a punishment?).

I am registered at the office that gives accommodations, and it has helped.

The weird thing is that you have to pay the same amount of money for the minimum amount of full-time classes as you do the maximum. It's a really expensive school too, which is why I'm rather torn.

[Victoria'smom]

So your taking 6 classes a semester? Is there an AA/AS/AAS program you can finish instead? Is the school a private or public school? Can you do IOP this summer?

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So your taking 6 classes a semester? Is there an AA/AS/AAS program you can finish instead? Is the school a private or public school? Can you do IOP this summer?

It's a private school. I'm taking 5 classes and might look for an internship.

Sorry, I don't understand those terms...what is an AA?

Summer is a good idea. I'm looking for an outpatient that takes student insurance.

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So your taking 6 classes a semester? Is there an AA/AS/AAS program you can finish instead? Is the school a private or public school? Can you do IOP this summer?

Oh I see, "Associate's Degree". Not in my major, and the school's associate's is not that great.

Thanks for the suggestion.

[Shazerac]

I can’t even imagine trying to go to school. You are doing something that is incredibly difficult even in ideal conditions. I do think getting your degree is worth the struggle though. It sucks that you can’t go halftime and keep your scholarship. It’s not really fair to people who have mental or physical difficulties. Maybe someday that will change.

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I can’t even imagine trying to go to school. You are doing something that is incredibly difficult even in ideal conditions. I do think getting your degree is worth the struggle though. It sucks that you can’t go halftime and keep your scholarship. It’s not really fair to people who have mental or physical difficulties. Maybe someday that will change.

I hope so too. As much as the school says it accommodates for disabilities, it's really like a lot of other universities (they tried to implement a rule where missing one class equals an automatic fail, luckily that did not go through thanks to student petitions). I will keep trying.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm going for an AA, and I'm barely treading water. I had an old friend who went full time, but her husband was wealthy so she could pull it off. My grades are good, but I can't take more than two classes at a time because of stress. (I am also a lot older)

I do most of my work online, though. Most of the prerequisites are available online. I know of two classes that I have to go to campus for, and I'll probably ask for accommodations so I don't freak out.

[pirilin]

If you feel stuck and don't know where to go, go to school.

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by pirilin

If you feel stuck and don't know where to go, go to school.

Thanks. I'm thinking about the cost though (of any school).

I'll find out what to do.

[clydeblack]

So I talked it over with my department and I will be able to stay in school if I can get enough scholarships and financial aid to cover the cost. Things are clearing up! Thanks for the advice. I go through mood swings and vacillate between motivated and existential.