Recollections of Hospitalisations

I know that both depression and anxiety can impact the mind’s ability to form memories, so it’s not exactly surprise that I can’t recall my hospitalisations or the time surrounding them. Although I’ve had ECT, I’m not asking about that. I want to know how many of you suffer memory blackouts from the the episodes that put you in the hospital. I can’t even recall how many times I’ve been in, or what the experiences were like. Is this common?

If I hadn't written several blog posts about my hospitalization right after I got out, I wouldn't remember very much. Obviously I was in a bad way or I wouldn't have been in there in the first place. I only remember the admissions process and the horror I felt when I found out I'd been diagnosed bipolar 1. I met some people in there with whom I'm friends here on the outside, but I barely recall the circumstances at the time. I think nature provides a merciful blurring of bad memories in these cases.

It’s an interesting question. I have memory blanks about my psych hospitalisations. And even though I was diagnosed with BP1 only three and a half years ago I can’t remember how many admissions I’ve had or why.
However, I have even bigger memory blanks with my non psych hospitalisations which I’ve had since birth. I don’t know if it’s common but I’m glad I don’t recall being in hospital too often as an infant and a child. The few memories I have pre adult weren’t that nice.

I do not remember substantial parts of my hospitalization. I do not remember showering, and eating. I remember a few things that happened. It is like I was only there for a very short period of time, and not the full 30 days I was actually there. I had clothes on, but where did I get them? I imagine that I ended up changing into new clothes over that month that I was there. Right? When did I shower? Where were the showers? Where were the bathrooms? Where was the cafeteria? What did I eat? I must of had three meals a day. I do not remember any of this.

Here is all of what I remember. There was a pharmacist there that was released to go home. I helped him pack up his stuff and carry it out to the car. There was another lady there that I helped allot who had some sort of breakdown trying to take care of her baby. She wished that she was marred to me instead of her husband. There was this sixteen year old in the adult wing. I tried to help her by being someone that she can talk to. She had scars on her wrist. She wanted me to help her escape. There was this group session that I attended where the pdoc was taking advantage of the patients there. I stood up to him. This caused others there to do the same thing. The nurses wanted me to file a complaint on him. I met this Vietnam veteran who went through some terrible experiences there. He had a friend in the same platoon. One other person there hated his friend. So during a squirmish, this person shot his friend on purpose. His friends remains was shipped back to the States. He has had emotional problems ever since then, in and out of such hospitals all the time. He was my room mate. There was this one guy that has been there for years. This was costing somebody over a million dollars a year to keep him there. There was this man who had been in a very restricted part of the hospital. They tried him out in the general population. I inadvertently said something to him that made him very upset. He walked over to me and hit the glass next to me which shattered into pieces. They placed him back in the restricted part of the hospital. Oh yes, there was a very very sad nurse there. Something to do with her boyfriend. I gave her a hug which caused her to cry. There was this patient who talks men who are new there to follow her down the hallway so she can kiss them. They also had art therapy classes. They also took some of us for roller skating one time. There was this much older very short lady who was enfatuated with me. She wanted us to date when we both got out of there.

I do not remember anything else including the day to day activities that I must of participated in. What did I do with the rest of my time? I do not even remember where the place was located. I do remember that just before I was released, the hospital gave me a bill that totalled to $120,000. This got my attention. I have no problem remembering this part. So I was inspired to tell them to send it to my employer. They ended up paying it. Nice.