[Cocosurviving]

Hello everyone,

I’m to the point where I’m thinking it’s best to cut my grandmother out my life. She triggers me all the time. I have taken breaks from my mom and grandmother. My son (23) lives out of state and does not speak to the family. My 11 year old daughter does not like my mom. It’s been four years since I have been back in the same state as them and frankly I would love to move back 10 hours away.

I would like to know have any of you cut off family and did it help you mentally?

I have. It’s uncomfortable for a while, but it eventually gets better and becomes peaceful.

In my case, people really didn’t anyway care and didn’t try to contact me again. It was my father and his side of the family.

[Unrigged64072835]

I cut my family off because I didn't want to deal with the family drama. Since I was in the military it was rather easy to do.

My parents are gone now so it doesn't matter. My brother only talked to me on estate matters so haven't heard from him. The only member I keep up with is my dad's sister, and that is only on Facebook.

It was one less stressor when I already had other stressors to deal with, so it was a good idea for me.

[Wild Coyote]

I've simply distanced myself by not being available. In time, they were happy to see me now and then and stopped the drama (at least in front of me). That said, my mother lives with me and distancing myself from siblings while she is sharing a home has been a challenge, yet not impossible.

I did not have to totally cut off family in order to get some relief. Good, solid boundaries can help.

I am sorry you are going through this.


WC

[SorryShaped]

Gotta do what's best for you. You matter

[Pookyl]

I’ve cut off family in a unique way and it has helped me and my family more so.
My parents and their parents etc were immigrants. English is very much a second language for them.
I was born in Aus. My English is great even though it’s also my second language.
I married an Aussie. I made a conscious decision to not teach my hubby or kids my original language.
It has protected my kids 100% because they can’t understand what my mother says.

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

Hello everyone,

I’m to the point where I’m thinking it’s best to cut my grandmother out my life. She triggers me all the time. I have taken breaks from my mom and grandmother. My son (23) lives out of state and does not speak to the family. My 11 year old daughter does not like my mom. It’s been four years since I have been back in the same state as them and frankly I would love to move back 10 hours away.

I would like to know have any of you cut off family and did it help you mentally?

this is quite a triggering topic for me.

my entire family were severely abusive to me growing up, and it got to the stage where they were going round telling people

Possible trigger:

they were going to kill me so they didn't have to deal with me, and that then they would leave the country, because " england is forever cursed"

the leaving the country part they did, and they also cut me out of their lives- telling me I wasn't welcome in their home, or to speak to them, or anything like that- as far as they were concerned, I didn't have a family

when they moved to africa, they continued a lot of the abuse by email and asked me if they could come back to england to " finish what they started"

I told them no, they'd done enough damage as it is

so I also cut them out from ever visiting- and it has helped me mentally,, but I am still at risk of email abuse.

that's my story..

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Gotta do what's best for you. You matter

I agree.

If cutting them off makes you happier and healthier, then do what's best for you. YOUR wellbeing matters, as does your 11 year old daughter's wellbeing.

Life is about enjoyment and happiness, and life is too short. We shouldn't let others negatively affect us.

I did for 20 or so years because also of the DID causing abuse...with the bipolar....I was on another world. But
I’ve reconnected with my nonhateful siblings (let the haters hate...on their own) and mother whom I can forgive because she’s a simpleton. My father though....grrrrr.

I told him my DID condition and to look it up and not talked to him since years ago.

Family is family and they are people too. Nothing in the rulebook says that I have to put up with another’s b.s. before my own mental stability and sanity. You first girl....everyone else can take a flying leap.

[Crook32]

I tried to cut my sister out of my life. It worked for about 5 months and it was so much better. However my kids missed playing with their cousins so I couldn’t hurt them. So we are back to doing family events and such but I usually only say about 10 words to her.

She was a bully to me growing up. We are total opposites. Political views was kind of the last straw for me.

I don't speak to half of my extended family and I don't have any regrets whatsoever. My parents broke off contact with my grandmother when I was 11yo after she went one step too far. Honestly, she'd done a lot of psychological damage by then and it took me many, many years to untangle myself from the toxic beliefs about myself that she'd made me believe, so I wish that my parents had done it years before. She reached out to me when I was 18yo, but I had no interest in putting myself through that again, and she died last summer and I had no regrets about it at all. The rest, I cut off myself as a teenager and young adult because they were too similar to my grandmother and, again, no regrets. Some people that I have spoken to about it though thought I was cruel/callous to have no regrets/not care when she died, but that's because they have no understanding of what she was truly like, and they think that her being biologically related somehow means I have to put up with abuse?? Well, IMO that's BS!

There are also people in my life, not just family, that I have had to set boundaries with regarding what I will discuss with them and how frequently I will talk to them. That's still a work in progress. I don't want to cut them out completely, maybe I will at some future point, idk, so I'm trying to enforce boundaries. Mostly, I need to be firmer and not feel bad and cave in to what others want, but that's an assertiveness issue that I'm trying to work on.

You need to do whatever is best for you and your daughter, regardless of what others think

*Willow*

[Sunflower123]

I quietly blocked my hostile sister from further communication. I kept having panic attacks around her behavior. It was a long time coming and I felt a profound sense of peace and relief. This is a recent development so we’ll see how it goes. I wish you the best in your decision.

[Asteya]

I feel like keeping them at a distance with those family works for me.

[pirilin]

Yes and yes.