[considerthelilies]

I was dx bipolar last fall and still don't really understand the nitty-gritty of the illness.

I was having intense mixed episodes, short hypomanias (very mild but wonderful), and depression. I'm on medication that is helping (not 100%, but good enough for now). The diagnosis makes sense and I understand how moods shift and all that.

What I don't understand is what else is going on with me in terms of mental illness. Any sort stress turns me into somebody I am not. I'll have these episodes of anxiety (or panic? hypomania? something else?) that last for maybe 1-2 hours when stress hits a peak and my kids are extra needy. This never really happened before my mental health took a downturn a couple years ago.

For instance, I needed to care for a family member for 3 days this week after a surgery, and by the end of that time (this morning), I could hardly even force a smile. Now tonight I am about to burst with rage, literally banged my head against my mattress because my kids were talking to me (good choice of objects to bang!), and binge-ate a bunch of sugar. I feel out of control. My kids voices sound like sandpaper in my ear canal. I want to scream. My jaw is clenched.

What are these short 1-2-hr bursts of rage I get? I believe they are connected to bipolar. Why do they come out of nowhere and are they related to the illness?

[Victoria'smom]

Anxiety and anger can be signs of a hypo-mania episode or a mixed episode. I have a ton of lesser symptoms. An anti-psychotic help me but has stripped all personality from me.

[*Laurie*]

Welcome to PC

Irritability, anger, and rage can definitely be significant symptoms of bipolar disorder. Are you taking a mood stabilizer?

[Nola0250]

I had those same episodes. I also think they are connected to bipolar. I seem to specialize in mixed episodes! Went away when I started taking lamictal.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

www.psycheducation.org is a good place to learn about BP when you are new. It is written by a psychiatrist who specializes in BP and there is a ton of useful information. I've been diagnosed for 16 years and still go there for information sometimes.

[considerthelilies]

Thanks for the welcome. 😀

I have seen that website and it’s really helpful. I just went and re-read it.

I guess I can only make sense of this as me rapid-cycling. I am on a stabilizer (Lamictal), and I keep refylarly going up in mood. The depressive crash lasts maybe a day or two and is mild. I’d like to increase my dosage as I’m only at 125 right now.

I wonder if my episodes are just really mild right now and any stress kicks them up a few notches or makes me go mixed.

After I posted this last night, I woke up at 2am with racing thoughts and agitation that would not relent. I had to take an Ativan and Sleep aid to calm down. I guess this does seem like an episode.

[pirilin]

Welcome to PsychCentral Bipolar sub-forum. I hope your stay will be fructiferous(sp).
Many many good people here helping each other. Better than many families.
Some of them have been in your situation and will provide good advice an guidance.
Good luck.

Lamactil was supposed to be the magic bullet for me, but I couldn’t tolerate the headache it gave me. I understand it is more effective for the down swings. Check in with your psychiatrist for your symptoms—you might need something added to control the up side.

If you’re on an antidepressant, those need to be reviewed when rapid cycling is going on. Just taking that down might resolve it.

[Row Jimmy]

Bouts of rage happen to me as well. I am BP II. Most of us have "triggers" or things that just set us off and they usually manifest themselves into stress. I don't think there's any true way to explain it and we're all different. My main triggers are traffic, crowds, my mom, money, teenagers who talk ragtime smack, and injustice foisted upon me, real or imagined. I suppose the main difference between BP and others is that most people don't react in extreme fashion.

There are lots of good ways for someone with BP to manage emotion. I climb mountains, hike, go to the gym here and there, run when my knees say it's OK, and engage in activities that make me happy. I have kids as well and I understand time is an element to consider, so carve out some "you" time when you can. But what I can't do is control what happens around me so I am learning to accept it. I'm much better in traffic and with all the nitwits I need to manage on a daily basis. At the end of the day, one thing I try to do is account for the good and bad and work on improving the bad. While I'm not always successful, I'm comforted by the overall awareness and the humility of trying to get better.