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  #1  
Old May 12, 2018, 06:33 PM
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Amazonmom Amazonmom is offline
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I joined PC 9 years ago. It turns out I'm a type 2. I've been fairly stable for years on Seroquel. I'm a nurse, wife, and mother. My life has been really changing for the better.

Then why do I hate myself so much, I don't know. I'm man sized (six foot 1), and overweight. The self loathing and loneliness is killing me. What I wouldn't give to be little and cute and popular. I'm old (42) and ugly. I started losing weight and lost 15 pounds so far. I still loathe myself and feel like a loser. I guess I'm depressed.

I'm glad I came back and I hope I can be of help to all of you fine bipolar folk
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  #2  
Old May 12, 2018, 06:47 PM
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Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
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It appears you've been gone for a couple of years (?) Welcome back Amazonmom!
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  #3  
Old May 12, 2018, 06:52 PM
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Wild Coyote Wild Coyote is offline
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Welcome back!


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  #4  
Old May 12, 2018, 06:59 PM
tecomsin tecomsin is offline
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Hi there Amazonmom, welcome back to PC. I'm glad to hear you found stability on Seroquel. It does sound like you are on the depressed side. I just wanted to say that 42 was before my breakdown and all that followed from it. I read once that the mid 40s is the time for peak depression. Not sure why that is the case. It's good you are aware of your issues. Are you in any kind of therapy?
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  #5  
Old May 12, 2018, 07:08 PM
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Amazonmom Amazonmom is offline
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I'm not in therapy now but I was in therapy for years. I'm not sure if my T is still doing therapy . She's older and maybe she has retired by now. She was awesome and figured out I had PTSD which was the main trigger of my episodes.

I do have a psych NP who prescribes my meds. I need to call her for refills so maybe I should ask for an appointment. I am disappointed that I am depressed despite my life seeming to be ok.

I should go for a drive later- that at least shakes off the sadness for a while.
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  #6  
Old May 12, 2018, 07:08 PM
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USMCBIPOLAR7 USMCBIPOLAR7 is offline
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You are so very valuable simply because you exist. No one has been or will be you. Everything you think say and do matters. You are awesome and looking at the greatest sunset would be awful if depressed. Take steps to get help for the depression and stay busy on your life and I’m sure out of the depths a light will start shining
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  #7  
Old May 12, 2018, 07:27 PM
Anonymous48690
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Welcome back...but we are never truly gone...just in hibernation maybe? Glad that it has been well...but you are always is welcome.
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  #8  
Old May 12, 2018, 07:49 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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back to PC
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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  #9  
Old May 12, 2018, 10:31 PM
Anonymous45390
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Hi Amazonmom,

Welcome back, and thank you for posting on my social chat threads!

When I was in school, I was the tallest girl. I used to feel like a freak and couldn’t find cute clothes or shoes the other girls wore. It’s funny how things have changed. I see younger girls my height or taller now.

I actually don’t mind it anymore. I feel it is harder for the men to intimidate me at work. I have a job where I have to hold firm with people that want to push back on me on policy matters.

I am able to order tall sizes and shoes, though I sure wish I could just buy more off the rack.

I’m heavy too and the meds have worked against me. I’m not giving up, though.

I’m going to tell you that you are beautiful! I’m not going to accept any arguments about this! It is wonderful to be statuesque and be able to see over cubicles <snicker> and feel powerful and strong

And you know what? Fat skin doesn’t wrinkle! That’s what I say
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  #10  
Old May 13, 2018, 12:30 AM
Anonymous32451
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I saw your name here and thought you were a new member

lol..

welcome back..
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  #11  
Old May 13, 2018, 02:52 AM
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BipolaRNurse BipolaRNurse is offline
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Welcome back!!
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DX: Bipolar 1
Anxiety
Tardive dyskinesia
Mild cognitive impairment

RX:
Celexa 20 mg
Gabapentin 1200 mg
Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM
Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN
Lamictal 500 mg
Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression)
Trazodone 150 mg
Zyprexa 7.5 mg

Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com
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  #12  
Old May 13, 2018, 04:03 AM
Anonymous32891
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Welcome back
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  #13  
Old May 13, 2018, 07:05 AM
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UpDownAround UpDownAround is offline
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Welcome back, AmazonMom. Depression is a sneaky beast; it often takes me a while to figure out it isn't just life doing it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tecomsin View Post
I read once that the mid 40s is the time for peak depression. Not sure why that is the case.
It was for me. 50s haven't been perfect by any stretch, but better. About to enter the 60s with a better attitude and outlook.
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Up and down
|And in the end it's only round and round
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Pink Floyd - Us and Them
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|bipolar II, substance use disorder, ADD
|lamictal, straterra
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  #14  
Old May 13, 2018, 09:58 AM
Nola0250 Nola0250 is offline
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Welcome back! We are here for you.
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  #15  
Old May 13, 2018, 10:18 AM
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Cocosurviving Cocosurviving is offline
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Hello there,

Welcome back
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#SpoonieStrong
Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day.

1). Depression
2). PTSD
3). Anxiety
4). Hashimoto
5). Fibromyalgia
6). Asthma
7). Atopic dermatitis
8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria
9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1)
10). Gluten sensitivity
11). EpiPen carrier
12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. .
13). Alopecia Areata
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  #16  
Old May 13, 2018, 10:31 AM
Anonymous45023
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Amazonmom!! So good to see you again!! Welcome back!! Wow, what a nice surprise for a Sunday morning (TWO reappearances of old friends -- a morning of happy surprises!)

Love the polar bear, as always.
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  #17  
Old May 13, 2018, 10:42 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Welcome back
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  #18  
Old May 13, 2018, 02:50 PM
Unrigged64072835 Unrigged64072835 is offline
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Welcome back, amazonmom! Hope you find some relief from the depression.
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