[xRavenx]

I was having really bad racing thoughts last week. It's still kind of bad, but I have been trying to fly under the radar and hope nobody notices. Words seem to by flying out of my mouth with ease though, so the impulsivity is kind of an issue, but I am trying to keep it contained the best that I can.

One thing that I did notice is that I am slightly more guarded and suspicious.
Somebody at work asked me a simple question about where I live. I came to realize that she lives close to me. I might be weird in the sense that I don't like a lot of people knowing where I live. She kept asking me questions, like where I went to school growing up and things like that. I found myself only halfway telling the truth, because I am feeling a bit paranoid. I am not someone that lies, and I am usually pretty open, and I feel bad about it.

I don't really know how to deal with this kind of paranoid thoughts. Although there's a part of me that knows my thoughts are irrational, it doesn't change the fact that I feel super uncomfortable when people at work know too much about these kinds of things. There's also this weird fear of people searching for info on me, and I like to hide. Can anyone relate to this on some level?

Yes. I'm hinky about people knowing where I live too. I feel like it's my refuge. And basically don't share much personal info at all with people at work. I'm one of those people that people can know for years and not really know at all. <shrug>

Sorry you're feeling uncomfortable.

[Wild Coyote]

It's great to hear from you.
I've been wondering how you are doing.

I am sorry you are having a challenging time.

Compared to those around me, I like to keep a very low-profile. In my case, my pdoc explains I likely do this because abused kids have learned this in order to stay safe. It's not so safe for an abused child if/when they are in the spotlight.

Do you know why you like to keep a low-profile?


WC

[liveforsummer]

I can relate. Most of my days are quiet and on my own and then if I am out and converse with someone it’s like I can’t shut up and I walk away hating everything that just came out of my mouth and I feel I babble and tell people personal stuff I always later regret. Then I’ll get paranoid the person is going to do something with the information and it’ll all come back on me and I’ll be exposed for the incompetent person that I feel I am sometimes. I could go on but that’s it in a nutshell.

I’ve no clue if what I wrote makes any sense !?!?

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's great to hear from you.
I've been wondering how you are doing.

I am sorry you are having a challenging time.

Compared to those around me, I like to keep a very low-profile. In my case, my pdoc explains I likely do this because abused kids have learned this in order to stay safe. It's not so safe for an abused child if/when they are in the spotlight.

Do you know why you like to keep a low-profile?


WC

Thank you. It's nice to be back here... I've been overwhelmed lately.
I'm not quite sure why I like to remain so low profile. It might be a control thing, and I am just a private person who wants to choose what I share vs. what I don't want people to know. Sometimes when I am prone to psychosis during mania, the thoughts become irrational and even more far-fetched. It's as if the original problem snowballs. It is especially bad when it comes to people at work.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

I can relate. Most of my days are quiet and on my own and then if I am out and converse with someone it’s like I can’t shut up and I walk away hating everything that just came out of my mouth and I feel I babble and tell people personal stuff I always later regret. Then I’ll get paranoid the person is going to do something with the information and it’ll all come back on me and I’ll be exposed for the incompetent person that I feel I am sometimes. I could go on but that’s it in a nutshell.

I’ve no clue if what I wrote makes any sense !?!?

Hi liveforsummer. Yes, I can complete relate. I've had situations where I have babbled too much (including at work, where a situation did not end up at all, and someone really broke my trust). This actually sounds exactly like me.
Sorry that you go through this as well. I felt bad when I was kind of evasive when my co-worker asked about me and slightly altered the truth, but it's my way of protecting myself during a time where I am particularly vulnerable. I hope it doesn't backfire.