[otroo]

I am not really looking to be told what to do but I am open for suggestions. First off I am in a depressive episode kind of feels like i am going to flip to manic. My daughter also has mental health issues and we clash like a mother. She is 18 and still lives with us and was employed 7ntil this afternoon. I am pretty much a home body these days. Well after she got fired today she came home and strated a fight with me during the argument she told me if she had a gun she would kill me so i told her to go for it she then told me she did not have a gun but she gets her check tomorrow and was going to get one. I dont honestly belive she would do it and i am not affraid she is going to go through with it. Now my problem is not that she is going to harm me but i cant take to emotional stress anymore I am so burned out from her and her blamming all her problems on everyone else. I do love her but I cant take it anymore. My wife will not throw her out and i am really considering moving out I love my wife very much and I do understand her hesitation on throwing her out and i dont mean out on the streets but help her move into her own place. Wits end.

[downandlonely]

That's a tough situation to be in otroo. My brother still lives with my parents and he is ungrateful and always starting fights. They won't kick him out either. I hope you can help your daughter get her own place.

[wiretwister]

my son , his wife and baby just moved back in my house .... family ... we do what we can ... not always easy ... but always family ... sometimes you just have to make it work ... at least we should try too ... just my opinion , ever situation is different .... " the gun thing worries me though " ... you hear so much in the news ... best wishes to you ... I hope it all works out ...

[SorryShaped]

I don't know what to do other than make sure you are and feel safe. That's a priority

[otroo]

Well I am heading out in the morning to a buddies house a couple of hundred miles away to relax and collect my thoughts and see if I can figure out what to do.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by otroo

Well I am heading out in the morning to a buddies house a couple of hundred miles away to relax and collect my thoughts and see if I can figure out what to do.

Good that you have somewhere safe to go!

[Pookyl]

Went through something similar with our daughter when she was 18. Must be something about that age.
She was awful and my bipolar was out of control to match.
Me and hubby finally got on the same page and wrote a ‘contract’/house rules. Told her she had two weeks to think about it, and either sign it or move out.
She moved out a week later with her boyfriend into a share house. She learnt very quickly that it wasn’t just mum and dad who had house rules. Flat mates had them also. Lol.
Today she’s a lovely 20yr old. She lives 20min walk away. Comes over most weeks and cooks dinner, paints my nails and is just eons from her 18yrold self.

Hang in there. Things may get worse but they also can get much better.

[Wonderfalls]

Yes, the good news is that she won't always be 18. I can't tell you how glad I was when my daughter went away to college at that age. But she really did turn out to be a great kid.

I think she thinks she can say whatever she wants and will keep it up unless you draw a line.

My mom was mentally ill and threatened my life all the time. She was always telling me I would never get to grow up.

You know what? She didn’t talk to everyone like that. She just did it to me because she could get away with it. She could control herself if she wanted to.

It is great you have somewhere to go to get away from the situation.

[otroo]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Went through something similar with our daughter when she was 18. Must be something about that age.
She was awful and my bipolar was out of control to match.
Me and hubby finally got on the same page and wrote a ‘contract’/house rules. Told her she had two weeks to think about it, and either sign it or move out.
She moved out a week later with her boyfriend into a share house. She learnt very quickly that it wasn’t just mum and dad who had house rules. Flat mates had them also. Lol.
Today she’s a lovely 20yr old. She lives 20min walk away. Comes over most weeks and cooks dinner, paints my nails and is just eons from her 18yrold self.

Hang in there. Things may get worse but they also can get much better.

I like the contract ideal never thought of that. Thanks.

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by otroo

I like the contract ideal never thought of that. Thanks.

You’re welcome. I wanted to add that we do help our daughter financially a bit. However, it’s contingent on her working and attending uni and providing weekly proof of both.

[Shazerac]

I hate to be a harbinger of doom, but she may not grow out of this. my mentally ill daughter (biplolar) is 45 years old and still blames me for everything wrong in her life. My advice is to protect yourself. My daughter has physically attacked before. I’m terrified of her and will not be in her presence unless I have someone to protect me.

A friend of mine has an adult schizophrenic son from a previous marriage who threatened her husband. They chalked it up to idle threats because of mental illness. He did in fact kill her husband.

She may just be trying to bully you, but I wouldn’t just ignore it either. If she was not mentally ill and threatened to shoot you would you ignore that?

[otroo]

Thought I would update this. I ended up going to my buddies house long enough to rebuild a big block Ford with him. I am back home and we proposed a contract with our daughter at first she was not going to sign it but we told her if she did not she had to move in two weeks. Well she signed it at the end of two weeks. Now she does not like our rules and is looking for a place with her girlfriend. I love my kid with all my heart but the stress was just too much for me. Thank you all for the suggestions.

[Unrigged64072835]

My daughter is 21 and her boyfriend will be soon. We decided to give them until Aug 15 to move out. If they don't have something in place by July 1 we can legally evict them in 30 days. Boyfriend's mother did the same with his older brother. Thankfully they're now being proactive getting jobs and looking at apartments.

We gave them three years to get their act together and that was long enough. We still subsidize my daughter for school and health insurance but the rest of it is on her dime.

My husband is taking down stuff and packing it so we can start doing house repairs at that time. It's weird seeing bare walls now.